


Unexpected

by Irrepressable



Series: Parrotverse [8]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Aliens are to blame for the mpreg, Family, For the love of- yes it's mpreg!, I know this has been done before, Irre's first and last mpreg fic, Multi, Time Babies, Unplanned Pregnancy sort of, Yes it is Clara's kid, You can blame my mother for putting this idea in my head, here we go again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:52:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrepressable/pseuds/Irrepressable
Summary: After years of trying, the Doctor and Clara are thrilled to finally be expecting another child. Unfortunately, it comes with a hitch. No one told them which one of them would be carrying it. Sequel to Unplanned. Parrotverse





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't worked on a story in a while. I know that this sort of thing has been done before, but I figured that I'd try to put my own spin on it. This is the first and will probably be the only story of this sort that I write. It's very ridiculous and I think that I will have fun writing it. Remember, reviews are love!

Domesticity was not something that the Doctor was overly fond of. Well, it had once been that way. Now he was happily in the role of a father to his and Clara's son, John Smith Oswald. It was a surprise to the Doctor how happy, healthy, and well-adjusted John was, especially considering who his parents were. It was no surprise that the five-year-old was exceptionally clever for his age, though. In that aspect, he was definitely his father's son. It could not be denied that the Doctor adored him. The Time Lord glanced across the table at his son, who was eating a bowl of cereal. He then glanced at the brown tabby Maine Coon with white markings. He could do without the cat, though. The Doctor didn't much care for cats. He glanced at his son's curly, brown hair. The boy could definitely use a trim.

　

The Doctor was quite happy with John most of the time and was more than pleased with his relationship with John's mother, Clara Oswald. He loved her deeply and he always would. Yes, the Doctor was content with his life. He still went on adventures with Clara and John, who had just turned five a few days ago. For his birthday, he had been taken to meet Mark Twain. When John looked up at him, the Doctor wondered what the boy was about to say. "Daddy?" the time tot questioned.

　

The Doctor frowned. John usually called him "the Doctor". He generally only called him "Daddy" when he had something to say that the Time Lord might not like. One occasion had been when he had discovered that John had taken in the cat, Simon. "What?" the Doctor asked.

　

"I know what I want for my next birthday." John informed his father.

　

"It's not another cat, is it?" the Doctor groaned.

　

"No." John replied. "It's not another cat."

　

"What is it, then?" The Doctor asked.

　

John, in a completely serious tone, said, "I want a baby brother."

　

The Doctor went completely pale. "You want a _what_?"

　

"I want a baby brother." John repeated. He then added, "I'd be okay with a baby sister, though."

　

The Doctor swallowed silently before turning to his bacon and eggs and saying, "I'll have to talk about it with your mother."

　

He doubted that Clara would want another child, as John had been enough of a handful when he was younger. He was a very intelligent and well-behaved child now, but one never knew how a second child could behave. For all the Doctor knew, their second child could be a pudding-brained brat. Hopefully, John would forget the whole baby sibling thing eventually. The Doctor was nowhere near ready for a second child.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Two Months Later

　

The Doctor, Clara, and John were on another interesting adventure. Well, as much as something could be called an adventure when they were on Lithurgis on a diplomatic thing with Thurviglia. The Doctor and Clara stood in a meeting room with a Lithurgian female whose skin was almost pure white with gold markings. It was none other Lithurgis' first female patriarch, Cisly Veknahi. Veknahi smiled and said, "It is good to see you again, Doctor. Might I offer my belated congratulations on the birth of your son?"

　

"Of course." the Doctor replied.

　

Veknahi nodded and said, "I suppose you know why I've called you here."

　

"You need the Doctor for a diplomatic thing." Clara answered.

　

"No, not the Doctor." Veknahi said in a serious tone.

　

"Good." the Doctor replied. "I don't exactly have the best relationship with the Queen of Thurviglia."

　

"That is why I need someone else as a go-between for my ambassador, Ezim Destana, and the Queen of Thurviglia." Veknahi explained.

　

"If you don't want the Doctor, then who _do_ you want?" Clara asked.

　

Veknahi smiled and said, "You."

　

" _Me_?" Clara exclaimed. "I don't know anything about either of your cultures!"

　

"That is why you would be perfect." Veknahi explained. "The Queen of Thurviglia hates the Doctor."

　

Clara groaned and sighed, "How could this possibly be a good idea?"

　

Veknahi smiled at the human and said, "I have the utmost confidence in you, Clara Oswald."

　

Clara gave the Doctor a helpless look and the Time Lord said, "Better you than me. Believe it or not, you are capable of this."

　

Clara smiled at her lover and replied, "All right." She then turned to Veknahi and said, "I'll do it."

　

Veknahi clasped her hands together and said, "Wonderful!"

　

Clara turned to the Doctor and said in a very serious tone, "You'd better behave while I'm being a diplomat."

　

"When have I ever done otherwise?" the Doctor questioned. He then paused and added, "Never mind. Don't answer that."

　

"If it eases your mind, I will arrange for your Doctor and your son to have a guided tour of this fine city." Veknahi offered.

　

Clara sighed and said, "Against my better judgement, yes."

　

"Don't I have a say in this?" the Doctor protested.

　

"No." Clara deadpanned.

　

"Control freak." the Doctor grumbled.

　

"Yes, well, get used to it." Clara replied. "Besides, learning about this city would be good for John. Provided that you don't let him out of your sight."

　

"I won't let him out of my sight." the Doctor promised.

　

"I'll hold you to that." Clara said.

　

"I won't let you down." the Doctor responded.

　

"You'd better not." Clara said with a serious tone.

　

The Doctor raised one of his mighty brows at how serious Clara was. There was a brief silence before the Time Lord turned and left to return to the TARDIS to find his son.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

It took a while, but the Doctor and John finally escaped the guide that they had been assigned. They had currently stopped for lunch. The Doctor had ordered a bowl of vegetable and noodle soup and John had ordered chicken fingers and chips, or at least what passed for chicken and chips on Lithurgis since they didn't have potatoes or chickens. They were made of a blue, root-like vegetable that tasted a bit like potatoes. Instead of chickens, the locals used a native bird-like creature that tasted rather like a cross between chicken and duck. John looked up at the Doctor and asked, "Why did we leave the tour guide?"

　

"Because the tour guide is a complete pudding-brain and would only lead us to typical tourist traps." the Doctor replied. "I've been to this city, Lithergo, before. I happen to know a few hidden gems."

　

"Like this cafe?" John questioned, bouncing in his seat. "I like this food. This café is nice. Don't you think that this café is nice, Doctor? Where are we going next? Will it be a museum? I want to be a museum. What kind of museums are there here? I want to tell Mummy all about my day when I'm done!"

　

The Doctor held back a groan at his son's manic energy and hyperactivity. "Fine." he said. "Just don't tell you mother that I took you to a Starbucks earlier."

　

"I want another double shot espresso!" John announced.

　

"You are not getting any more caffeine." the Doctor said, exasperated. "This time, I've learned my lesson."

　

"Okie dokie lokie!" John replied with a broad grin.

　

"You are also never watching _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ again." the Doctor said with a snort.

　

"You watch it, too." John argued. "I've seen your G-rated AppleDash fanfiction stash."

　

"You don't know what you're talking about." the Doctor scoffed.

　

"I won't tell Mummy about it." John said with a grin. "As long as you do something for me."

　

"You can't blackmail me, John." the Doctor snorted before asking, "Though I'm curious, what did you want me to do in exchange for your secrecy?"

　

"I want you to make me a baby brother or sister." John answered. "Simon says that Mummy doesn't have a baby inside her yet. When are you and Mummy to going to make a baby?"

　

"Damn that cat." the Doctor groaned.

　

"Well?" John said expectantly.

　

"I'll have to talk to your mother about it." the Doctor replied with a note of annoyance in his voice.

　

"Okay." John said with a nod. "I want a baby brother or sister by the time I turn seven."

　

"I can't make any promises." the Doctor said, reaching out and ruffling his son's messy curls.

　

"Doctor!" John groaned, batting his father's hand away. "Stop it!"

　

"You're lucky I'm not your mother, otherwise I'd be tickling you." The Doctor smirked.

　

"Not in front of other people!" John pleaded.

　

"Personally, I don't care what these idiots think." the Doctor said sincerely. "You shouldn't care, either."

　

"Oh." John replied simply. He then asked, "When are you going to ask Mummy about making a baby?"

　

"I'll talk to her later!" The Doctor groaned.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Three Months Later

　

The Doctor stood up on tip-toes to try to reach high enough to properly access the console. Beside him, he could see his son, who happened to be taller than him now. "I thought you're not supposed to accept sweets from strangers." John said with a frown.

　

A scowl appeared on the Doctor's round, young face. In a child's voice that for some reason sounded even _more_ Scottish, the de-aged Time Lord said, "I did not accept sweets from a stranger!"

　

"It looked like that to me." John replied.

　

"John, don't argue with your father." the Doctor said, an adorable look of concentration forming on his face. "It wasn't sweets. It was a free cake sample."

　

"It was a magic birthday cake that made you look like you're three years old." John said with an exasperated sigh. "I thought grown-ups weren't supposed to do that."

　

"There's no such thing as magic and you're never too old for free cake." the Doctor replied. "Remember that, John."

　

"Maybe I should tell Mummy about this." John said thoughtfully.

　

"Don't you dare!" The Doctor growled.

　

"I won't tell if you do one thing when you're a grown-up again." John said nonchalantly.

　

"Name it." the Doctor replied, sounding very annoyed.

　

"You and Mummy need to make me a baby brother." John said with a smirk.

　

The Doctor finished scanning the leftover crumbs of cake. "I think I've found an antidote." the Doctor said, feeling quite relieved. "I'll talk to your mother when this is over with."

　

"You'd better." John replied, folding his arms over his chest.

　

　

oooooooooooooooooooo

　

Four Months Later

　

" _Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,_ " Jack continued to sing loudly from the back of the car, " _and they'll continue singing it forever just because it is the song that does not end! Yes it goes on and on my friend_ \- sing it, Johnny!"

　

" _Some people started singing it not knowing what it was!_ " John sang from the seat next to Jack, " _And they'll continue singing it forever just because it is the song that does not end! Yes, it goes on and on my friend! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because-_ "

　

" _It is the song that does not end!_ " Jack picked up where John left off. " _Yes, it goes on and on my friend! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because it is the song that does not end! Yes it goes on and on my friend!_ "

　

John picked up the next verse. " _Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because it is the-_ "

"Please, _please_!" the Doctor groaned from the passenger side seat. "Just stop singing that song! You've been at it for three hours! I'll do anything if you just _stop singing that song_!"

　

John and Jack looked at each other and grinned. "Anything?" they both sing-songed.

　

"Yes, anything!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"Give me a baby brother, then." John said with a smirk.

　

The Doctor whipped around to look at the two passengers in the back seat. Jack grinned and said, "Well, you heard the man, Doc!"

　

"This is not the time for that kind of request!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"Well," Amelia said from the driver's seat, "They could always go back to singing that song that I taught them."

　

" _Not that_!" the Doctor shouted. " _Anything_ but that!"

　

"All right, then." Amelia sighed. "Jack, John, find a different way to entertain yourselves."

　

"Got it." John replied. He then turned to Jack and said in a deep voice, "Hiya, Barbie!"

　

Jack grinned and replied in a high-pitched voice, "Hi, Ken!"

　

"Do you want to go for a ride?" John asked

　

"Sure, Ken!" Jack responded.

　

"Jump in!" John laughed.

　

Jack then began to sing, " _I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world! Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere! Imagination, life is your creation!_ "

　

In a deep voice, John sang, " _Come on Barbie, let's go party!_ "

　

The Doctor turned and rested his forehead against the passenger side window. "Kill me now!" he groaned.

　

"All this could be solved if you just agreed to give the boy a younger sibling." Amelia said with thinly veiled amusement in her voice.

　

"I'll talk to Clara about it when we get back from Legoland." the Doctor ground out.

　

"Legoland Florida." Amelia said knowingly. "You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

　

"Shut up, Hernandez."

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Seven Months Later

　

The Doctor felt as well as heard the cell door slam behind him. The energy links to the cuffs affixed to his wrists deactivated, leaving him lying on the floor only with a pair of high-tech-looking bracelets on his wrists. His head was throbbing , though there was nothing that he could do it about the time. He brought a hand up and touched the lump on his scalp, wincing from the pain. His fingertips came away bloody. Those idiotic excuses for law enforcement officers must have wounded him when they knocked him out. He ached everywhere. He could feel bruises forming all over his body. His jacket was gone, he realized with great annoyance. He sat up and lifted up his shirt to see a large, boot print shaped bruise in stark relief against the pale skin over his ribs. Police brutality at its finest. What had he done to deserve such a treatment? Oh, yes. Now he remembered. He accidentally bumped a policeman with his elbow while walking past the man, who had flipped his lid, screamed, "Assault on an officer of the law!" and tased the Doctor while calling for his partner, who joined him in beating the ever-loving shit out of the Time Lord until a blow to the head knocked him out. What fun.

　

The Doctor jumped slightly when he heard a female voice with a thick New York accent say, "You okay there?"

　

The Doctor turned slightly to see a woman sitting on a bench in the same cell as him. She was about his height and rather slim. Her dark hair was very short, scarcely more than stubble, and she had a pair of rather compelling blue eyes. She wore a pair of dark blue jeans, black and white Converse trainers, a David Bowie T-shirt, and a black leather jacket that would have looked right at home on his Ninth incarnation. In fact, had he not known better, he would have said that the jacket was from his Ninth incarnation. That was not possible, though. He couldn't recall ever giving the jacket to anyone and he couldn't think of a reason why he would give it up in the future. The woman gave a frustrated sigh and once again said, "Answer me, Pops. Are you okay?"

　

"I am not 'Pops'." the Doctor said tersely. "I am the Doctor."

　

"Right, whatever." The woman replied. She then got up and walked over to the Doctor before extending her hand to help him up. "Nice to meet you, Doctor." she said with a grin. "I'm Jane Doe."

　

The Doctor, to his own surprise, took the woman's hand and allowed her to help him to his feet. He noticed that she also had cuff-bracelets on. The Time Lord raised a thick brow and said, "Well, Jane Doe, what are you in for?"

　

"Assaulting an officer of the law." Jane replied nonchalantly. "Totally trumped up charges, by the way. I just told him that his gun's safety was off. He got mad at me and accidentally shot himself in the foot. His partner tased me. You?"

　

"Same." The Doctor replied, "Only I accidentally elbowed a cop. He and his partner tased me and decided to see how many bruises they could put on one person."

　

"Yeah, I can see that." Jane said flatly. "You're getting quite the shiner on your left eye."

　

Oh, right. He hadn't even noticed the black eye he was developing. Jane sighed and said, "Come over here to the bench so I can take a look at the damage."

　

"I'll be fine" the Doctor huffed.

　

"Say that to the growing blood stain on that pretty, white shirt of yours." Jane said with a frown. "You're bleeding somewhere. I need to see how bad it is."

　

Jane Doe then grabbed the Doctor by the collar of his shirt and pulled him over to the bench, forcing him to sit down. The young woman began to examine the Time Lord. When she came to his scalp, she said, "Well, that's where the blood is coming from. You've got a laceration on your scalp that's bleeding pretty heavily. That's going to need attention."

　

"Well, I can't exactly get stitches in a _jail cell_!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"Stitches?" the woman scoffed. "Ha. I'll do you one better."

　

Jane pulled small device out of her pocket and unfolded something from it. She then held it a few inches from the Doctor's scalp, activating it with a whirring sound. "Sonic multi-tool," the woman explained, "setting 355: dermal regenerator."

　

"They let you keep a _sonic multi-tool_?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"Police incompetence." Jane replied with a shrug. "It doesn't have a blade on it. Don't ask me to open the doors or locks. They're sonic-proof. Ah- _hold still_!"

　

The Doctor quit fidgeting and allowed the woman to repair his scalp. After a few more seconds, Jane said, "There, all done!"

　

The Doctor felt his scalp and, as Jane Doe had said, there was some minor scarring. "Quite competently done, I'd say." the Time Lord commented. "Tell me, Jane Doe, are you some sort of doctor?"

　

Jane shrugged and said, "More of a mechanic, actually. Saving people is more of my older brother's calling. I just meddle and fix things."

　

"Ah, meddling." the Doctor chuckled. "Doctors can also be quite good at meddling."

　

"I suppose they do." Jane laughed. "My older brother definitely has meddled enough in my life over the years. Doctoring and mechanic-ing do require some degree of meddling. Better watch out for that if anyone you know wants to be a physician or a mechanic."

　

"I'd better keep an eye out, then." the Doctor said with thinly veiled amusement. "My son recently decided that he wants to be a physician when he grows up."

　

"Ah, kids." Jane sighed happily. "Gotta love 'em, but sometimes they drive you up the wall."

　

"Ah. I suppose you have children of your own, Jane Doe?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"Nope." Jane Replied. "Not my kids, but they're related to me. They've both decided that they want a baby brother."

　

"Oh, not the asking for a sibling!" the Doctor groaned.

　

"Let me guess, son asking for a baby brother?" Jane chuckled.

　

"Seven months." the Doctor said with an annoyed sigh. "He's been asking for a baby brother for the past _seven months_! Every time we're alone, he brings it up."

　

"Well you could just give him a baby sibling." Jane replied with a shrug. "You look like you have the energy and if your wife is up to it-"

　

"She's not my wife." the Doctor said with a frown.

　

" _Yet_." Jane chuckled knowingly. "Your girlfriend, then."

　

"She's not my girlfriend, either." the Doctor scowled.

　

"Whatever she is, what's stopping you?" Jane asked

　

The Doctor didn't know why he was telling this stranger this. Jane Doe probably wasn't even her real name. "My son was an accident. Clara and I, we both love him dearly, but I don't know if she'd want to have another child with me _on purpose_. We were lucky. All John got from me was the jaw, the curly hair, and- oh my- the _ears_."

　

Specifically, they were his Ninth incarnation's ears. He hadn't explained it yet to Clara, but sometimes if a Time Lord or a Time Lady who had previously regenerated had children naturally, there was a chance that the resulting child could inherit a trait or two from a past incarnation. "Well, if looks are what you're worried about, you're not _that_ bad looking." Jane said with a roll of her eyes. "The personality could use some work, though."

　

The Doctor used his Attack Eyebrows. It had no effect on the woman. Jane sighed and said, "Look, if you two have kids, it'll all be just fine." the lanky woman smiled and placed a hand on the Doctor's forearm. "Imagine," she continued, "A little girl with curly, brown hair. She'll look just like her mom, only with your eyes and a few other examples of your better traits. She'll be sweet and clever. If you don't mind my saying it, she'll be brilliant. Your partner will continue to be an amazing mom and you'll be a great dad. John will make an amazing big brother."

　

A guard walked up to the cell door and pressed a button. The energy links to the cuffs re-engaged. The guard, stone-faced, said, "Whichever one of you is the Mechanic, you are free to go."

　

"That'd be me." Jane replied, standing up. "I'm the Mechanic."

　

When the mysterious woman walked over to the door and was let out, a thought occurred to the Doctor. "How did you know what my son's name is?" the Doctor demanded. "Who _are_ you?"

　

The now cuff-free woman just grinned. As she walked away, Jane- no, not Jane, _the Mechanic_ said in a cheerful voice, "So long, Doctor! I won't tell your not-girlfriend about your insecurities about your appearance, cross my heart! I'll see you in a few years!"

　

The Doctor was left alone in the cell. He was only able to speculate as to who the Mechanic actually was. By the time he was let out that evening, however, he was distracted by other things and had forgotten all about his mysterious cellmate. Well, as close as the Doctor could get to forgetting about something, anyway.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Eleven Months Later- on a Saturday, 6:37 in the morning

　

"Camping?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"Camping!" John affirmed, bouncing in place on the Doctor and Clara's bed. "We should go camping! For the weekend!"

　

"John you are aware that you live in a _time machine_ , aren't you?" The Doctor said with a frown. "Little things like _weekdays_ and _weekends_ mean nothing here."

　

Clara placed a hand on the Doctor's shoulder and said, "I think it's a _great_ idea, John." She looked directly at the Doctor and said pointedly, "Don't you, Doctor?"

　

"I think it's an awful-" the Doctor saw the expression on Clara's face and amended his statement. "-an _awfully good_ idea, Clara. Yes, John. Let's go camping."

　

"Okay!" John chirped. "I'll get ready!"

　

The time tot then hopped out of his parent's bed, off to get ready for the weekend. The Doctor groaned and asked, "What did I just agree to?"

　

"It could be fun." Clara suggested with a shrug. "John has never gone camping before."

　

"We slept outside when he was four!" the Doctor said with a great deal of irritation.

　

"That's because we were stuck between civilization and the TARDIS." Clara replied. "You didn't listen to John's _Wild Plants of Almathea_ book, ate the wrong berries, spent the next six hours hallucinating, and had explosive diarrhea for three days. You were very, very ill, Doctor!"

　

"It wasn't _that_ bad!" the Doctor scoffed.

　

"You soiled _six_ pairs of trousers!" Clara argued. "Two of them were never wearable again! You, being yourself, refused to admit that you were ill and nearly scared the life out of me when I found you unconscious in a pool of your own feces, passed out from dehydration! I had to follow written instructions in the med bay to attach an IV bag to you to give you fluids! Doctor, you could have _died_!"

　

"From dehydration?" the Doctor scoffed. "Never. I have a more resilient physiology than that."

　

"Doctor, for the sake of my sanity, could you at least take John camping on a planet where you are familiar with the local plants?" Clara asked.

　

The Doctor paused, a thoughtful expression on his face. Suddenly, he stood up. "I know of the perfect place!" he exclaimed.

　

The Doctor then left his bedroom to head straight for the TARDIS' wardrobe room. Three hours later, everyone was in the console room, dressed, packed, and ready to go. John was dressed in blue jeans, a Pikachu T-shirt, and a pair of hiking boots. Clara also wore jeans and hiking boots, but her T-shirt was plain and light blue. When the Doctor appeared, he had his overstuffed camping backpack on and was dressed in an ancient-looking band T-shirt, hiking boots, and a pair of khaki shorts that showed off his knobby knees and skinny, ghost-white legs that were almost too pale to be safely viewed by the naked human eye. "We're going to the Black Hills of Atokad H'tuos!" the Time Lord exclaimed as he began to pull levers and press buttons, making his way around the console.

　

When they arrived at Atokad H'tuos, it was a pleasant spring day. John went prancing out into the grassy clearing, leaping about in utter joy. They were surrounded on all sides by the forest. "The clearing is the perfect size for a one-family campsite," the Doctor provided, "and there's a clean, clear river teeming with edible fish about a half a kilometer from here. It's a spring day and there won't be any rain all weekend!"

　

"Well, let's get set up, then!" Clara said with a broad grin.

　

"Can I help?" John asked.

　

"You can put the tent up." the Doctor responded, setting his bag down and fishing a large, cylindrical case out of it.

　

John opened the case and saw that there was a button on it. He looked up at his father, who nodded. John then set the case on the ground, pressed the button, and stepped back. In seconds, the device unfolded into a medium-sized tent, about the right size for four people plus their bags. Clara shot the Doctor an odd look as the tent staked itself to the ground. "A pop-up tent, Doctor?" she questioned.

　

"Pop-up _and_ climate-controlled tent." the Doctor replied. "No matter what the temperature outside, the interior of the tent will always be a comfortable twenty-two degrees Celsius. It also repels most aggressive carnivorous lifeforms, with the exception of hyperbears, which are, quite ironically, only repelled by honey."

　

"What's a hyperbear?" Clara asked.

　

"You don't want to know." the Doctor replied. "Just be happy that they're not found on this planet. Just be happy that if you were in this tent on a planet with a Jorthax, it would keep even the most aggressive cysts away from you. It actually repels aggressive herbivores and omnivores as well. I found that out when I accidentally landed the TARDIS in America during a Donald Trump rally* about a week before the assassination**."

　

"That sounds awful." Clara said sympathetically.

　

"It was." the Doctor confirmed. "I don't think they knew I was there, though. I escaped without injury, but I did spend the better part of a day washing graffiti off of my TARDIS. Most of it was propaganda, slurs against Muslims and undocumented immigrants, and crude depictions of phalluses, with one rather misogynistic limerick that does not bear repeating, especially not in front of small children. I felt dirty afterwards, so I decided to go to a party for some cake to make myself feel better. I travelled back to your time, picked you up, and brought you along to the party. Later that night, we had unprotected sex. Not long after that, John was born."

　

"Oversharing much, Doctor?" Clara said with a grimace. "I'd rather not have the conception and birth of our son placed in the same story as racist graffiti."

　

"Should I not do it again?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Please don't." Clara replied.

　

"Right." the Doctor said. "Back to setting up camp, then?"

　

"Let's do that." Clara replied, only too look out at the campsite and see that John had gotten everything, including the place where the campfire would be, set up while they had been talking. The time tot held his book open and said, "I followed the diagrams!"

　

They spent the next four hours hiking through the woods, with a break for reconstituted goulash in a bag for lunch. After that, they headed to the river for fishing. The Doctor was pulled into the river by a large fish and lost his fishing pole. John didn't catch anything, but Clara managed to catch two decently-sized trout. John found the Doctor's fishing pole about fifty meters downstream and swam out to retrieve it, scaring the living daylights out of Clara and the Doctor. Neither of them had taught him how to swim. Fortunately, he taught himself to swim by learning from a diagram. The Doctor picked berries to go with their supper of trout and crisps. Fortunately, no one hallucinated or got diarrhea. After that, the Doctor told the corniest campfire stories he knew and ate s'mores while listening to Clara tell her account of a ghost story that supposedly happened to her when she was a teenager. When they finally put John to bed in his sleeping bag, Simon the Maine Coon was already waiting for him.

　

From where he was squeezed into his large sleeping bag with room for Clara and then some, the Doctor gazed quietly at his son. Over the past twenty-four hours, he had really noticed how much John had grown in the past eleven months. He was growing so quickly. He was almost six years old. He would grow to be a man in a blink of an eye for the Doctor. Hell, it would probably be too quick for Clara, too. The Time Lord knew that he wanted his son to experience the best that his adventurous childhood had to offer. The Doctor had also noticed another thing during their little camping trip. Not once had John mentioned wanting a little brother or sister. He had also noticed that empty space on John's side of the tent, room for one more person. He looked so lonely there with just him and Simon. The more the Doctor thought about it, the more he was convinced: they needed to fill that empty space.

　

Clara stepped back into the tent, having returned from relieving herself behind one of the trees. She unzipped the Doctor's sleeping bag, slid in, and zipped it back up. She then snuggled into the Time Lord with a contented sigh. After a while, the Doctor spoke up. "Clara?"

　

"What is it, Doctor?" Clara replied.

　

"I've been thinking about it a bit, but after today, I'm sure." the Doctor said quietly, so he wouldn't wake John up.

　

"Thinking about what?" Clara asked.

　

The Doctor looked Clara directly in the face and said, "I think we should have another, Clara."

　

Still rather tired, Clara asked, "Another what?"

　

The Doctor rubbed his forehead and groaned, "Another baby, Clara! John needs a sibling."

　

Clara woke up a bit more and raised her brow. "What's brought this on?"

　

"Look at him, Clara." the Doctor said quietly. "He's on the other side of the tent, all alone. Even with that damned cat, there's still so much space over there. I think we should fill that space. John is a responsible child. He would make a great brother."

　

"Are you sure you want this?" Clara asked. "We were barely ready the first time."

　

"Clara, this isn't my first time being a father." The Doctor said with a chuckle. He then uncharacteristically joked, "If it helps, I'll carry the baby for you!"

　

Clara laughed and elbowed the Doctor in the ribs. "All right, you win, Doctor." the petite human chuckled. "Let's have another baby."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins! I know that you all have heard of Barbie Girl, but have you heard of the other song in this story? I didn't make it up. I've also never been to Legoland, in Florida or elsewhere.
> 
> Setting 355? There are 355mL of liquid in this can of sparkling water that I'm drinking as I write this. I just picked a number off of an object in front of me. 
> 
> Atokad H'tuos is the state where I am from spelled backwards and with an apostrophe added. I've never been camping in the Black Hills, but I've heard that it's awesome. Also, if the climate of Atokad H'tuos is anything like South Dakota in the spring, the Doctor, Clara, and John are lucky that they didn't get snowed on. The weather can get crazy out here.
> 
> * That's right, I went there.  
> ** Wishful thinking


	2. Chapter 1- If At First You Don't Succeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of trying, Clara finally has a big surprise for the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it looks like today I'll be bumping the rating up to Explicit. Why? You can probably guess. I know what you're thinking- "But Irre, you promised a T-rated story!"  
> Well, the temptation to write a sex scene was too strong. I regret nothing. Enjoy!

The Doctor and Clara Oswald had finally made the decision to have a second child. It wasn't as hard a decision to make as either of them thought. Considering how much of a surprise John had been, they figured, how complicated could getting pregnant be? It turned out, a lot. Clara slammed her hands down on the table in the galley, startling the Doctor from his breakfast of a sugary cereal and banana slices. "Okay." Clara exclaimed. "Let's get started!"

　

"Right now?" the Doctor retorted, puzzled. "I'm still eating!"

　

"That's the problem!" Clara replied. "You're eating a processed, sugary cereal. You need to eat less processed foods and more healthy, organic foods! Protein-rich foods are good, too."

　

"Wait, are you telling me that I can't eat-" the Doctor began, but Clara interrupted him.

　

"That's right." Clara replied. "No more cake! Your male parts work enough like a human's that you're going to need more selenium in your diet. It helps maintain sperm cell integrity. You're also going to have to start taking a multi-vitamins supplement. You already wear boxers, so your testicles get plenty of circulation. That's good. You need good circulation. No hot showers or long soaks in the bath, though. It makes your sperm slower."

　

"You're making me go on a diet and I can't take hot showers?" the Doctor questioned. "Are you mad?"

　

"I've checked the TARDIS' files on your physiology, which she helpfully translated into English. All of this will make you more fertile. I'm taking the initiative by going on a special diet, including eliminating caffeine."

　

"Good for you?" the Doctor said hesitantly.

　

"Of course it's good. Every advantage counts. Now, about today." Clara said with great determination.

　

"What about today?" the Doctor asked.

　

"It's that time of month," Clara said.

　

The Doctor groaned and asked, "Are you out of pads again?"

　

"No!" Clara replied, her cheeks lightly tinged with pink. "I mean that I'm ovulating in three days and at peak fertility! If we're going to start trying for a baby, today is the day."

　

The impossible girl leaned towards the Doctor and exclaimed, "Take me, Doctor!"

　

"Can't I finish my cereal first?" the Doctor asked.

　

"I suppose." Clara grumbled. "I mean, John is at Jack's place and we do have all day to ourselves."

　

It suddenly ocurred to the Doctor that this would be the fun part: making the baby. He gobbled down the rest of his cereal in record time before lifting Clara up and setting her on the table. "Right here, Doctor?" Clara questioned, amusement clear in her voice.

　

"The galley is as good as anyplace else to have unprotected sex." the Doctor replied as he pulled off Clara's pajama bottoms.

　

"Mmm." Clara said. "I warmed myself up a bit earlier. I'm soaking wet, just for you."

　

The Doctor let out a playful, lusty growl as he pushed down his own pajama pants to reveal that he was achingly stiff. "I love it when you talk like that."

　

"Well, if you're sufficiently turned on, do your thing." Clara replied nonchalantly. "You, ah, don't need to make me come. You're the one who needs to come. I don't have to."

　

The Doctor parted Clara's legs and stood between them. As he sank into her, he groaned, "Not if I can help it."

　

The Doctor began thrusting at a pace that was most comfortable for himself and Clara. She whimpered in pleasure and clutched tightly on the back of the Time Lord's pajama shirt. She urged him on, tightening her legs around his waist and meeting his movements. The Doctor hazarded a glance at Clara's face and saw that it was twisted in pleasure. She reached up and tugged at his hair, moaning, "Faster, please!"

　

The Doctor increased the speed of his thrusts, moving in and out of Clara an impressive speed. Whimpers and gasps were flying from Clara's throat and the Doctor's own moans were even louder. He could feel that he was getting close, but he would be damned if he came before her. He brought his hand down in between them and began to rub furiously at Clara's clitoris. Her cries got louder until, finally, she shattered. She arched her back, a look of utter rapture on her face. That was enough for the Doctor. With a few more mighty thrusts, he reached his orgasm with a loud, strangled cry of, "Clara!"

　

The Doctor remained inside Clara, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Unfortunately, this was cut short by her removing herself from him, grabbing a pillow that he had not noticed was there, lying on the ground, and propping her hips up with the pillow. "Got to keep it inside me if we want to conceive." Clara supplied.

　

"Right." the Doctor sighed. "I'm going to get a drink of water."

　

"Good. Stay hydrated." Clara replied. "We do this again in three hours. We have all day."

　

"It sounds so clinical when you say that." the Doctor grumbled. He was often emotionally detached from some things, but if there was one thing he put a great deal of emotional investment into, it was making love with Clara Oswald. "I'll just.. leave you there until it's time again."

　

Sensing that the Doctor was upset, Clara sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Doctor. I just really want this baby."

　

"So do I." the Doctor replied. "I just- ah- damn."

　

He turned around and faced away from Clara before facepalming. "I really wish there was a flash card for this." he muttered. "I'm not good at this emotional stuff."

　

"It's okay." Clara urged. "Just come out and say it."

　

"I'd rather just make love to you than just be a source of healthy sperm." the Doctor said awkwardly, staring at his feet. "It doesn't feel, well..." the Time Lord struggled to find a word for it.

　

"Special?" Clara provided the perfect word.

　

"Yes, that's it." the Doctor replied, turning to look at Clara.

　

"Doctor, making love with you is always special." Clara said with a gentle smile. "Doing it to make a baby is just special with an additional purpose. You're not a faceless sperm donor. You're the man that I love, the father of my son and hopefully in the near future another child."

　

"All right." the Doctor replied. "But this isn't just about me. When we make love again, it won't just be about me. I want you to come, too. It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

　

"Doctor, since when have you cared about being a gentleman?" Clara asked.

　

"Clara, please don't ruin this moment for me." the Doctor sighed.

　

"All right." Clara chuckled. "You can have your moment. You can have it again, and again, and again, each time after we make love."

　

The Doctor accepted this and then grinned. "Do we have to wait another three hours to do it again?" he asked.

　

Clara laughed and said, "Randy old Time Lord!"

　

"Sex-obsessed human." the Doctor shot back.

　

Clara chuckled and said, "Go watch cartoons while we're waiting."

　

"What about you?" the Doctor asked.

　

Clara whipped out her phone and said, "I'll play Candy Crush."

　

"Right." the Doctor replied. "Well, I'll see you in three hours."

　

"I'll be counting the minutes." Clara said with a smile.

　

The two lovers shared a fond glance before the Doctor left to entertain himself. Maybe this baby-making thing wouldn't be so hard after all.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

14th of February, 2021

　

Amelia Hernandez was a bit busy. It was _El Día del Amor y la Amistad_ \- Valentine's Day, and she had something special planned. She was cooking a lovely meal for herself and Pavarti. The meal itself wouldn't be Mexican, but it would be tasty. There would be oyster and scallop tartare with ginger dressing as an appetizer, black and white steak au poivre with steamed asparagus as an entrée, and a chocolate glazed chocolate tart for dessert. They would drink some nice red wine, too. Surely that would put her wife in the mood. She did wonder what her good friend, Clara Oswald, was doing. Hopefully she and the Doctor hadn't forgotten Valentine's Day again. Amelia slipped her bluetooth headset on and used her phone to dial Clara's number. The American expat waited a few minutes until her friend answered. "Hello?"

　

" _Hola_ , Chickie!" Amelia greeted. "Happy _El Dia del Amor y la Amistad!_ "

　

"What?" Clara questioned, sounding quite puzzled.

　

Amelia sighed softly and said, "Valentine's Day."

　

Clara swore and said, "Oh no! I forgot!"

　

"Well, there's still time to make plans. You could make a nice supper for yourself and the Doctor." Amelia suggested.

　

"I would, but I currently have my hips up in the air positioned to give me a better chance at conceiving." Clara replied.

  
"Ew, Clara!" Amelia groaned. "I really don't need- or want- to know about you propping yourself up to keep the your boyfriend's jizz inside of you."

　

"Sorry." Clara apologized.

　

"It's okay." Amelia said reassuringly. "You're just being honest. Goodness knows how many times I've said something that you didn't want to know! Speaking of things that I don't care about, why haven't you and _el Viejo loco_ gotten married yet?"

　

Clara sputtered loudly and Amelia suggested that her friend might be blushing at the moment. Clara then cleared her throat and said, "I've heard you call him that and I looked it up. You don't need to call him that. As for marriage, we just haven't. I'm sure that the Doctor has his reasons. He doesn't even like the word 'boyfriend'."

　

"Well, he is your boyfriend." Amelia said stubbornly. "Whether he admits it or not. It wouldn't kill him to admit it."

  
"Amelia, that's enough." Clara said sharply.

　

"Fine." Amelia said, rolling her eyes. "Pavarti still ships the fuck out of you two, though."

　

"Amelia, this isn't some kind of fanfic written by a chubby 28-year-old wearing neutral eyeshadow and red lipstick." Clara groaned. "This is real life!"

　

"Yeah, like that would happen!" Amelia laughed.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

December 31, 1984

　

Clara and the Doctor were currently about to head to a New Year's Eve party, having all kinds of fun. After three years of trying to conceive, she had finally given up. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe John was a fluke. So, a month ago, she and the Doctor made love without the pressure of trying to make a baby. It was lunch time and they would be heading to the party in about an hour. Clara let out a sigh and took a bite of her spinach salad with chips on top. Lately, it was the only thing she could keep down. The last time she ate so many chips, she had been pregnant with John. Of course, a pregnancy was unlikely. She glanced at Simon, who seemed to be staring at her. Simon then looked at John, who was eating a ham sandwich with a banana smoothie. John looked at Simon and, about a minute later, raised a brow. A very pleased appearance formed on his face and he let out a chuckle. Curious, Clara asked, "What is it?"

　

John grinned and told her what Simon had told him.

　

Clara almost choked on her salad but managed to get it out of her throat. She sputtered loudly and gasped, " _What_?"

　

John spoke slowly, as if his mother's intelligence had somehow dropped. Clara was still too shocked to say anything. The young hybrid crossed his arms over his chest and waited for his mother's response.

　

"Are- are you sure?" Clara finally stammered.

　

"Simon can smell it." John confirmed.

　

"I- I need to go." Clara said nervously.

　

With that, Clara headed to the med bay. She retrieved a home pregnancy test and darted to the bathroom. She urinated on the test strip and waited for the results. A few minutes later, she recieved the shock of her life. This was good news, but it was unexpected. How was she going to tell the Doctor?

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

11:45 PM

　

Clara and the Doctor were finally at the party. Clara had a nice dress on and the Doctor was dressed a bit more casually, wearing his hoody ensemble. The impossible girl wasn't drinking anything and the Time Lord eventually noticed this. "Clara, are you okay?" He inquired after a few hours of this.

　

"I'm fine." Clara lied, still not sure how to tell the Doctor.

　

The Doctor shrugged. He could tell that Clara was lying, but he figured that she would tell him eventually. With that said, he went over and began to chat with the host of the party. Part of it was complaining about the pudding brains that kept hitting on Clara. The Doctor was most certainly annoyed. He knew that Clara absolutely would not be unfaithful, but he still didn't like pretty boys trying to flirt with her. It was a pain in the posterior region. Of course, after ten minutes or so, the Doctor had started to loosen up after a few bottles of champagne. A few minutes later, it was almost midnight. Clara was more anxious than ever. The Doctor finally decided to corner her. "Clara," he said sternly, "you've been avoiding me all night."

　

"I'm sorry, Doctor." Clara said awkwardly.

　

"It's like you want to tell me something, but you won't." the Doctor said, oddly observant.

　

After a few seconds of awkward silence, a horrible thought hit the Time Lord. "Clara, are you leaving me?" he asked, fear tinging his voice as the party began the countdown. "Please, just tell me what's wrong!"

　

Anxiety was clear on both the Doctor and Clara's faces. It was now or never. As the clock struck midnight, the crowd shouted, "Happy New Year!"

　

At the same time as the celebratory shout, Clara blurted, "Doctor, I'm pregnant!"

 


	3. Chapter 2- Here We Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tragedy changes Clara and the Doctor's lives, but little do they know that even more changes are yet to come.

The Doctor's eyes widened. Pregnant. Clara was pregnant. The sound of singing in the background could be heard clearly since neither of them said anything. Finally, Clara spoke up. "Doctor, please say something. Are you happy? Are you annoyed? Please say something- anything!"

　

The Doctor's mouth opened and closed for several long seconds before he did something that surprised Clara. He lunged at her, lifted her, and twirled her around with a shout. When he set Clara down, she led him to the bathroom. A look of confusion was clear on her face. "Pregnant." the Doctor said, a stunned expression on his face. "You're pregnant!"

　

"Doctor, this shouldn't be possible." Clara said with a frown.

　

"Of course it is." the Doctor scoffed. "We've done it before."

　

"No, I mean, I didn't get morning sickness until I was at least three weeks along. We haven't had sex in two months!" Clara said. She threw her hands into the air and continued frustratedly, "I mean, unless your sperm somehow _travelled in time_ to a point when I was fertile..."

　

Clara glanced at the Doctor, who seemed to be rather awkward. He looked at Clara and held back a nervous laugh before he said in a serious tone, "Well, that's exactly what happened."

　

"What?" Clara said, confused. "How?"

　

" _Time_ Lord, Clara." the exasperated Doctor said. "We also live in a _time machine_. Sometimes the laws of physics are a bit iffy as far as these sorts of things are concerned."

　

Clara let out a chuckle. "Time-travelling sperm." she said with a half-smile. "Now I've seen everything." Clara then looked up at the Doctor and asked, "Well, what do we do now?"

　

The Doctor shrugged and replied, "Well, if you still want it, you can just have the baby. I know I want it."

　

"I want it, too." Clara said with a smile.

　

The Doctor awkwardly returned that smile and gently placed his hand on Clara's still-flat abdomen. Clara placed her hand on top of the Doctor's and happily said, "We're going to have a baby."

　

The Doctor nodded and said, "Round two, then. We'll be ready this time."

　

The Time Lord removed his hand from his partner. "Let's go back to the TARDIS." he suggested. "John will be thrilled!"

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "John already knows. He's the one who translated what Simon told him."

　

"Well, I suppose that finishes up the list of people who need to know about your pregnancy." the Doctor said with a shrug as he and Clara headed back to the TARDIS.

　

"Well, we still need to tell my family." Clara replied.

　

The Doctor groaned and asked, "Do we have to?"

　

"Doctor, my family deserves to know." Clara said, reaching out and giving the Doctor's hand a gentle squeeze. "No amount of whining is going to change that."

　

"I'm a Time Lord, Clara." the Doctor scowled. "Time Lords do not _whine_."

　

Clara sighed and said, "Whatever it's called, it's not going to stop me from telling them."

　

The Doctor groaned and asked, "Can you at least wait until you're further along? That way, if your father murders me this time for getting you pregnant again, I'll re-learn responsibility sooner after I regenerate."

　

Clara followed the Doctor into the TARDIS and closed the door behind them. "Doctor, my father is not going to murder you." the impossible girl sighed. "But fine, I'll wait a few more weeks before I tell him."

　

"Good." the Doctor replied. "I'll just make sure to stand close to the door so I'll have a head start in case he comes after me with something stabby."

　

Clara groaned and facepalmed.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 6

　

It had been roughly two and a half weeks since Clara had discovered that she was pregnant. Already, the Doctor was working on a nursery. He had bruised his thumbs with a hammer more times than Clara could count trying to put a crib together. John was reading every book he could find on how to be a good big brother. As for the expectant mother, she was busy trying to keep her food down and attending her cravings. Interestingly enough, she found herself craving peanut butter, bananas, and jelly babies and was repulsed by pears. She couldn't even look at a pear without nearly vomiting. She couldn't get enough peanut butter and banana sandwiches, though. They were simply wonderful.

　

True to her word, Clara hadn't told her family yet. Part of her was anxious and part of her looked forward to it. She knew that her father would be thrilled to have another grandchild and her grandmother would feel the same way about getting another great-grandchild. She didn't really care about how Linda felt about it- she still didn't like John and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Clara also decided to wait a while to tell Jack, Amelia, and Pavarti. Jack was very busy and the Hernandez-Patil household was still adjusting to their discovery that Pavarti was going into early menopause and the older, forty-something Amelia had decided that it would be unwise to bear children at her age. Clara felt kind of sad for them. She knew that they had wanted children. At least they were happy to be aunts to John.

　

The Doctor and Clara had both decided to go to an alien hospital that was familiar with human hybrid pregnancies. There had already been enough of a close call when John was born on Earth. Clara was anxious to arrive there and was pleased when the TARDIS landed on the planet Gaga, which was known for having some of the best obstetricians in the known universe. The Doctor led Clara out of the TARDIS, a hand gently placed on her back. The impossible girl shrugged her partner's hand off and rolled her eyes. "Doctor, I'm not made of glass. You don't need to treat me so delicately."

　

"I don't want you to get hurt." the Doctor protested as he hailed down a taxi- they would have to take it to the hospital since they couldn't land the TARDIS there.

　

"Doctor, I'm pregnant. I'm not made of sugar." Clara groaned as she got into the taxi.

　

The Doctor followed her into the taxi and closed the door behind him. They both made sure to buckle up. "I'm just being careful." the Doctor argued. "Anything could happen."

　

"Oh," Clara asked as the taxi began to head towards their destination, "like what?"

　

"Well, this vehicle could crash." the Doctor argued.

　

"Doctor, this taxi driver is excellent at what he does." Clara argued back. "If anything, we'd have to worry about other drivers and you told me that drivers on Gaga are very safe drivers."

　

"I _did_ say that." the Doctor admitted. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am worried about nothing."

　

Just as Clara smiled at the Doctor and was about to reassure him once more, there was a flash of blue speeding towards the side of the car. There was the sound of metal ripping through metal as the vehicle collided violently with the taxi. Then there was nothingness as everything faded to black.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Clara woke up in an unfamiliar bed. The air was filled with the scent of cleanser, like that used in a hospital. She was sore all over and it felt like her insides had been scooped out. A green-skinned alien in a white coat was standing in front of her, holding a tablet in his hands. "Good." she said happily. "You are finally awake! I'm Doctor Flazen."

　

"What happened?" Clara asked groggily.

　

"Your taxi was hit by a light truck." the alien doctor replied. "You and your partner were both injured, but you received the worst of it. You've been in a coma for three days."

　

"In a coma?" Clara questioned, still feeling a little dazed. Suddenly, a thought hit her and she was fully awake. Panic in her voice, she asked, "Is my baby okay?"

　

Doctor Flazen smiled and said, "Your body was injured to the point which you could not carry the pregnancy. You also lost a lot of blood. We had to perform a transfer."

　

A transfer? They must mean a transfusion. Clara could feel herself crumble as she buried her face in her hands. Three years of trying and finally succeeding, only to lose her baby. Clara did her best not to cry, but a few tears still escaped. She sniffled and removed her hands from her face. In a choked voice, Clara asked, "What about the Doctor? Is he okay?"

　

"The man who was with you?" Doctor Flazen asked. When she saw Clara nod, the green-skinned physician replied. "Yes. He's recovering nicely from surgery. Thanks to the nanite injections, both of you will be ready to be discharged tomorrow."

　

Clara swallowed audibly and nodded. She was still quite upset about losing her baby. It would take her time to come to terms with it. At least the Doctor was okay. She didn't know what she would have done if she had lost him, too.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

A day later, Clara and the Doctor were both discharged. The Time Lord tried not to scratch at the healing wound on his abdomen. He looked down at Clara and asked, "Are you okay? You and the baby?"

　

Clara swallowed and clenched her eyes shut to hold the tears back. She took a deep, deep breath and exhaled before saying, "I'm fine but... I lost the baby."

　

The Doctor made a wheezing sound and asked, "What?"

　

"They said that my injuries made it impossible for me to carry the pregnancy." Clara whispered. "They said that I had lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion."

　

"You're lucky they had human-compatible blood." the Doctor said awkwardly as he reached out and squeezed Clara's hand.

　

Clara sighed sadly and asked, "What are we going to do now?"

　

The Doctor lifted Clara's hand and kissed the back of it. He then said, "If you want, we could try again."

　

Clara frowned and said, "I need to think on it. I mean, if we do, I'd like to wait a while."

　

The Doctor nodded and replied, "Take as long as you need."

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 9

　

It had been three weeks since the accident and Clara and the Doctor had both recovered, at least physically. It would take a while before Clara recovered emotionally from the miscarriage. Of course, the Doctor had to choose then to get sick. He was currently in the bathroom, emptying his stomach contents into the toilet. Clara quietly got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. Once she was next to the Doctor, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and asked, "Do you need to go to the med bay?"

　

The Doctor shuddered and replied, "No. I know what this is."

　

"What?" Clara asked. "Some sort of alien disease?"

　

"Quantum botulism." the Doctor replied. "A truly vile disease."

　

The Time Lord then lurched into the toilet, vomiting once again. Clara knelt down and gently rubbed his back. When the Doctor finally regained control over his stomach, he said, "There's not really anything I can do about it. The symptoms can show up years before or years after I catch it. The symptoms should go away in a few weeks. I'll just try to stay hydrated."

　

"I'll take good care of you until then." Clara replied with a smile. "You've taken care of me enough over the past two weeks."

　

"You needed it." the Doctor said with a weary smile.

　

"So do you." Clara replied. "Please, let me take care of you."

　

The Doctor was silent for a while before he nodded and said, "All right."

　

"Things have really changed." Clara sighed.

　

"Change is part of life." the Doctor replied. "You've changed, become stronger. I can feel something changing, growing inside me."

　

Clara rubbed the Doctor's back again and asked, "Like what?"

　

"I don't know," the Doctor said with a shrug, "but something tells me it's going to be big. But first, I need you to do something-"

　

The Doctor was interrupted by another wave of nausea, which overpowered him and sent what little that remained in his stomach heaving into the toilet. Once he was done heaving, he looked up at Clara. She laughed gently and said, "I'll get some anti-nausea medication."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses as to what happens next?


	4. Chapter 3- The Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite Time Lord has noticed a few changes happening to his body. Clara discovers how much she hates stinky fish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose that many of you have guessed what is wrong with the Doctor. Those of you who haven't, well, be patient and you'll find out soon enough.

_12 Weeks_

　

The Doctor examined himself in the mirror. Was it his imagination or were his clothes getting tighter? His T-shirt slid up his torso a bit and he tugged it back down. Yep. Definitely getting tighter. "My clothes have shrunk." the Doctor complained. "Clara, did you use the wrong detergent? Last time, it was you turn to wash the clothes."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and slid off of their bed before walking over to the Doctor. "Your clothes aren't getting smaller." Clara replied with a tone of amusement. "You're getting bigger."

　

"I am not!" the Doctor scoffed. "I'm as svelte as ever!"

　

"Tell that to your belly." Clara reached around and gave the Doctor's small but noticeable tummy a fond pat. "You need to lay off the cakes, Doctor. Your figure will thank you."

　

"I stopped eating the triple chocolate cake with extra super-rich fudge frosting." the Doctor muttered. "What more do you want from me?"

　

"Good." Clara replied. "That much sugar isn't good for anyone."

　

"It's not that bad for _me_." the Doctor protested. "I stopped eating it because I can't even _look_ at something made of chocolate without feeling miserable."

　

"Still quantum botulism?" Clara questioned, rubbing the Doctor's belly absent-mindedly.

　

The Time Lord shifted away from Clara's hand and replied, "It should clear up soon."

　

"Have you been staying hydrated and eating nutritious foods?" Clara asked.

　

"What I can keep down." the Doctor retorted.

　

Clara was about to suggest some anti-nausea medication when the Doctor suddenly noticed something on his forehead. "Is that a _pimple_?" He yelped.

　

"Doctor, it's just a zit. No need to freak out." Clara groaned. "It's probably because you've been eating so much greasy food."

　

The Doctor scowled and poked at the blemish. "I do not know how or why you got there," he threatened the pimple, "but I will end you!"

　

Clara was torn between giggling and facepalming, but eventually the urge to giggle won out. Sometimes her Time Lord was just too adorable.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 14_

　

Clara knocked on the bathroom door and called out, "Doctor, are you okay in there?"

　

The Doctor let out a long, strained grunt and replied, "Never better!"

　

"Doctor, you've been in there an hour!" Clara said with a frown, "I'm getting concerned."

　

"I'm fine!" the Doctor snapped. "I'll be out in a minute!"

　

Clara paused for a moment before a thought came to her. She loudly asked, "Doctor, are you _constipated_?"

　

"I'm fine!" the Doctor grunted.

　

"Doctor, constipation is nothing to be ashamed about." Clara said gently.

　

"Time Lords don't get constipated!" the Doctor shouted through the door.

　

"You sure sound constipated." Clara retorted. "Just tell me where the stool softeners are and I'll get you some."

　

"Why would _I_ be constipated?" the Doctor snapped.

　

"It's probably your bad diet catching up to you." Clara replied. "You probably need more fruits and vegetables in your diet."

　

"I eat plenty of fruits!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"Doctor, Kool-Aid and coconut macaroons do not count as a serving of fruit." Clara said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Why not bananas? You love bananas."

　

There was a pause before the Doctor said, "I ate them all last week, after I got over my quantum botulism."

　

"Couldn't you just ask the TARDIS to make more?" Clara asked.

　

"She's being stubborn again." Clara could practically hear the Doctor pout.

　

Clara sighed and headed to the med bay. After about fifteen minutes of searching, she found a box of gentle stool softener capsules. She poured a glass of water and headed back to the bathroom. "Doctor, I'm coming in." Clara called out.

　

"No, don't come in!" the Doctor shouted.

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "Doctor, I've seen you naked loads of times. How is this different?"

　

"I'm trying to defecate!" The Doctor snapped. "It's kind of a private time for me!"

　

"The key word here is 'trying'." Clara said, rolling her eyes once more. "You've been trying to poo for an hour and if you keep straining, you're going to hurt yourself."

　

There was a brief silence, which Clara took advantage of. "So I'm coming in."

　

Before the Doctor could reply, Clara opened the door and walked in. The Doctor had his trousers around his ankles and he looked quite miserable and somewhat tired. The impossible girl held out the capsule and the glass of water. "Here." she said. "It's a stool softener."

　

The Doctor scowled and stood up. He then pulled his underpants and trousers up before fastening said trousers. He washed his hands with a scowl still on his face. Clara raised a brow and said with a note of warning in her voice, "Doctor..."

　

The Time Lord attempted to use his Attack Eyebrows, but they were utterly ineffective against Clara. Finally, he relented and took the glass of water. He then plucked the pill from Clara's hand and swallowed it, washing it down with the glass of water. "There." Clara said with a smile. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

　

"I hate this." he muttered.

　

"Well, you'll be able to go to the bathroom soon." Clara said soothingly, gently giving the Doctor a pat on the back. "Then you'll just have to change your diet a bit, eat more fruits and vegetables. You might even lose some weight."

　

"I'm not _that_ fat." the Doctor grumbled.

　

"Doctor, you're bigger than you were two weeks ago." Clara argued. "I'm getting concerned with this weight gain."

　

"Like you said, it's probably my diet." the Doctor huffed. "Fine. I'll cut out the cake- _for now_."

　

"Thank you, Doctor." Clara beamed.

　

"Control freak." the Time Lord grumbled.

　

"You know you love it." Clara replied with a grin.

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes. She was right. He did love it. That didn't mean that he would admit it, of course. He still had his pride, after all. In the long run, that didn't really matter much. There had been countless times when he had put his pride aside for Clara's sake and it would almost certainly happen again in the future. That's what love was, right?

　

ooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 16_

　

The Doctor's belly bump was getting a bit more noticeable. This was partly due to his thin frame and partly due to the fact that he wouldn't change his clothing size. It didn't help that no matter how much he tried to control his diet, he was always ravenous. One of the big things that he craved was peanut butter. He ate it with everything. He even managed to gross Clara out when he made microwave cheese nachos with extra jalapenos, smooth peanut butter, The skin part of fried chicken, a chopped-up toffee apple, and a heaping pile of jelly babies. Clara could protest all she wanted, the Doctor still found the thing delicious. He couldn't get enough of it, especially the peanut butter. When he made surströmming tacos with chunky peanut butter, Clara's stomach cried 'uncle' and she made a beeline for the kitchen sink, where she emptied her stomach of its contents.

　

The Doctor polished off the last bite of the surströmming taco and said, "Come on, it wasn't _that_ disgusting."

　

"Doctor, did you _smell_ that stuff?" Clara asked, horrified.

　

"It smelled delicious!" the Doctor argued. "I don't see what the fuss is about. I enjoyed it."

　

"Yes, well, you'll eat anything." Clara snapped. "It's like you're a walking garbage disposal!"

　

The Doctor was about to argue when he felt a strange fluttering sensation. He didn't dwell on it, dismissing it as indigestion. The Time Lord headed over to the med bay to grab an antacid. This wouldn't be the last time the Doctor got _indigestion_. He just didn't think about it. Even he got indigestion from time to time.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 18_

　

The Doctor tossed and turned in bed, unable to find a comfortable position. Every time he tried to lie down, his indigestion started to act up. It was getting worse, almost like something was kicking him from the inside. The Time Lord groaned and gave up. He got out of bed and headed to the galley. A snack would to him good anyway. This time, he made a peanut butter and pickle sandwich with extra ham, _gort'l_ with a heaping portion of onions _,_ and several slices of pepper jack cheese. As he bit into the sandwich, he had the fleeting thought that Clara might be right. He really _would_ eat almost anything. Over the past few weeks, he had eaten things that even _he_ normally might find disgusting. _Gort'l_ and ham- honestly! Still, if it was so disgusting, why did it taste so good? It made no sense. The Doctor paused halfway through the sandwich and suddenly felt another jolt to his insides. Indigestion shouldn't last this long. He rarely ever got indigestion and here he had it for a couple weeks. To top it all off, his belly was still getting bigger. For the first time, it ocurred to the Doctor that something might actually be wrong with him. He quickly wolfed down the sandwich, making sure to wash it down with a glass of milk. He then headed to the med bay. He was starting to get worried. He almost never got sick. Why had he been ill up until five weeks ago? It made no sense. And now he was dealing with chronic indigestion. On the other hand, maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just the disgusting-sounding foods that he had been eating. The TARDIS let out a concerned hum. The Doctor patted the wall fondly and said, "I'll be fine, old girl."

　

The Time Lord could still feel his ship's concern for his welfare. He rolled his eyes and said, "Fine, I'll get a scan. Just to prove that there is nothing wrong with me but indigestion and a bad diet."

　

Once the Doctor arrived at the med bay, he sat down on the examination table and activated the medical scanner. He could see the light of the scanner sweeping over his body before stopping at his belly. The Doctor looked over to see what the results were. Displayed on the screen were the words, "Anomolous findings detected."

　

The Doctor furrowed his brows and said, "What do you mean 'anomolous findings?'"

　

The display zoomed in on the Time Lord's abdomen. It took a moment to focus, but when the results were clear, the Doctor saw just exactly what the anomolous findings were. There was a thing growing inside him, something that shouldn't be there. But there it was, just sitting there inside him, growing as if it belonged there. He knew exactly what it was. Terror filled the Doctor as his eyes widened dramatically. At this point, there was only one thing to do. In a loud, panicked voice, the Time Lord shouted, " _Clara_!"

　

There was no denying that the thing was there, the thing that had been growing inside him for an unknown period of time. He saw the shape of the thing. He saw and heard its dual heartbeats thumping strong and healthy. He knew in that moment that nothing would ever be the same.

 


	5. Chapter 4- Preggers

_Week 18_

　

Clara was having a bit of trouble sleeping. She wasn't sure what to do. That was why she was currently in the galley and on the phone with a certain Jack Harkness. "He's been behaving very oddly." Clara said with a frown.

　

"He's the Doctor." Jack replied. "He's always odd."

　

"I know, Jack!" An exasperated Clara groaned. "I mean that he's acting more oddly than usual! He normally eats a lot of junk food, but lately he's been eating things that are downright garbage. A couple weeks ago, he ate stinky fish tacos with chunky peanut butter!"

　

"Maybe he's pregnant." Jack joked.

　

"Jack, be serious!" Clara groaned. "I'm really concerned!"

　

Suddenly, Clara heard the Doctor's voice shout, " _Clara_!"

　

Clara noticed right away how panicked the Doctor sounded. Not putting down her phone, the impossible girl rushed off in the direction of the med bay. There, she saw the Doctor staring in horror at the display screen that showed a scan of his body. It took Clara a moment to figure out what the Doctor was panicking about, but once she got a good look at the screen, she saw that something was inside the Doctor's abdomen. Once Clara saw what it was, she knew that the truth was undeniable. The thing that was inside the Doctor was undeniably a fetus. Clara's eyes widened dramatically and she blurted loudly, "Oh my god, Doctor, you're pregnant!"

　

From her phone, Clara could hear Jack laughing hysterically. The human female decided to ignore it. The Doctor turned at her and snapped, "I'm aware of that, Clara! What I don't know is how it got there!"

　

"I-" Clara was about to say that she didn't know, but then a thought struck her. " _Ohhh_!"

　

"Oh what?" the Doctor snapped.

　

"When we were in the hospital on Gaga, Doctor Flazen said that they had performed a transfer. I thought that she meant a transfusion, but... well, I guess they mean something else." Clara said sheepishly.

　

"So this is _your_ fault!" The Doctor moaned.

　

"How was I supposed to know that they would transfer the baby into you in some sort of faux uterus?" Clara snapped.

　

"Well, what am I going to do now?" the Doctor said, clearly upset.

　

"Well, you could go back to Gaga." Jack suggested from over the phone. "Maybe they could transfer it back into Clara."

　

Clara and the Doctor shared a glance before the Time Lord reluctantly admitted, "That's actually a pretty good idea."

　

"To Gaga, then." Jack said. "I'll just hang up and leave you two to solve this little conundrum."

　

With that, the immortal hung up. Clara and the Doctor shared an awkward glance. The awkwardness was clear in his voice as the Doctor said, "Well, let's go to Gaga."

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

When they arrived on Gaga, the Doctor parked the TARDIS right outside the hospital this time. They immediately headed to reception and were able to schedule an emergency appointment and were led to an examination room. After twenty minutes and thirty-one-point-two seconds- the Doctor had counted- Doctor Flazen arrived. "It's nice to see you again, Doctor." the green-skinned physician said with a smile. "What seems to be the problem?"

　

The Doctor pointed at his bump and angrily said, "Explain this!"

　

"A transfer was performed." Flazen said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I could perform an ultrasound if you'd like."

　

"What I want is for you to transfer this thing back into Clara." The Doctor said with a scowl.

　

"Well, we'll have to perform an ultrasound to see how developed the fetus is in order to determine whether this is possible." Flazen replied with a smile.

　

"Do it, then." Clara said with a great deal of determination in her voice.

　

"All right, then." Flazen said. "Let me get the portable ultrasound machine."

　

Flazen then left. A few minutes later, she returned with a portable ultrasound machine. The physician smiled and said, "Lift your shirt."

　

The Time Lord lifted his T-shirt and laid back on the examination table, which was raised slightly for his comfort. Doctor Flazen applied some gel to his abdomen before moving the doppler wand over his belly. In a somewhat nervous voice, the Doctor asked, "Well, can you transfer it back to Clara?"

　

"Regretfully, I must inform you that you are too far along for a transfer." Flazen said with an awkward smile. "However, if you wish to terminate, you are still within the legal range on Gaga."

　

Clara looked at the Doctor, wide eyed, and asked, "What are you going to do? Are you going to keep it?"

　

The Doctor saw the fear in Clara's eyes. Perhaps she was afraid that he would say yes. The Time Lord looked at his companion's expression and soon realized that his initial thought was wrong. Clara was not afraid that he would say yes. She was afraid that he would say no. She really did want this baby. He then realized that so did he. More than that, if carrying this pregnancy would make Clara happy, he would do it. He would do anything to make Clara happy. After a moment of silence, the Doctor said, "Yes. I'll keep it."

　

Clara let out a sigh of relief. Flazen's expression perked up a bit. The green-skinned woman smiled and asked, "Would you like to know what you're having?"

　

Clara and the Doctor looked at each other for a second before the human and the Time Lord both nodded. Flazen moved the doppler a bit more before it was positioned properly to tell the sex of the fetus. The physician smiled at the couple and said, "Congratulations. It's a girl."

　

The Doctor looked up at the display and his hearts were filled with a sensation that he couldn't quite identify, but it felt good. He had a strange sense of pride, too. "A girl." he breathed. "Is she healthy?"

　

"Very." Flazen replied with a grin. "If you and your partner's physiologies are anything to determine by, the fetus has no abnormalities whatsoever."

　

Clara and the Doctor both let out twin sighs of relief as the impossible girl reached out and held the Time Lord's hand. The Doctor looked at Clara and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He then looked at Doctor Flazen and asked, "Can Clara and I have a moment alone?"

　

"Of course." Flazen replied. "Call me when you're done."

　

With that, she left. Clara then looked at the Doctor and grinned. The Doctor returned the grin and said, "We're going to have a girl. Little Clara Oswin Oswald Junior."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "Doctor, please. I decided long ago that if I ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Margret."

　

"There's nothing wrong with Clara Junior." the Doctor said with a frown. "It's a perfect name. We named John after my favorite alias. We should name this one after you."

　

"We're naming her Margret." Clara argued.

　

"Clara Junior." the Doctor argued back.

　

From just outside the room, Flazen shouted, "You can always choose a name later!"

　

Clara groaned and said, "Fine!" she then looked at the Doctor and said, "We'll discuss this later. Flazen, you can come back in!"

　

The physician returned and cleaned the gel off of the Doctor's belly. She then smiled, gave them a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and scheduled their next ultrasound appointment. She then injected the Doctor with an implant. "What's this for?" the Doctor asked.

　

"It's an implant that will alter your anatomy a bit." Flazen explained. "You currently lack the proper equipment to birth the child naturally. This will essentially allow you to grow the proper body parts for a natural birth."

　

The Doctor frowned and said, "So you're saying that I'll have to kiss my manhood goodbye."

　

"No, no!" Flazen said with a chuckle. "You won't lose anything. You'll just gain a few new parts."

　

"Oh." the Doctor replied simply. "Will they go away after I've had the baby?"

　

"They'll go away once the implant has been removed after you've given birth." Flazen reassured the Time Lord. "Unless you wish to carry another pregnancy, that is."

　

"I doubt it." the Doctor said with a frown. "The morning sickness was pure hell."

　

"Well, it's up to you." Flazen replied with a shrug. "But now, you're free to go."

　

Once that was all done, the Doctor and Clara both left. Once again the Time Lord looked at Clara with a smile. The human female returned that smile and took the Doctor's hand in hers. With happiness in their hearts, the duo headed back to the TARDIS, hand in hand.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 19_

　

The Doctor let out a loud, miserable groan. After the initial shock of finding out that he was pregnant, he had actually become rather happy about it. He and Clara were going to have a baby. Neither of them had expected that he would be the one to carry it, but what was done was done. John was quite shocked when he found out. He was also annoyed that Simon hadn't told him. The cat simply told him that he didn't have to tell him everything. The Doctor just figured that it was just a cat being a cat.

　

As for the Doctor, despite the joy- and moderate confusion- of pregnancy, he still found rather unpleasant hardships. One of them was something that had started quite recently: leg cramps. They were very painful and sometimes they interfered with getting a good night's sleep, which he discovered that he had to get more often for his baby's sake. It was annoying that he had to waste so much time sleeping, but he wanted his daughter to remain healthy. The Time Lord let out another groan as another painful cramp shot up and down his calves. He looked at Clara and said with a frown, "How did you put up with this when _you_ were pregnant?"

　

"Well, my leg cramps actually weren't that bad." Clara replied with a shrug. "It was more the back pain than anything."

　

"Oh, don't get me started on the back pain! The heartburn isn't much better! And my nipples are-" the Doctor groaned. He then winced again at the painful cramping in his calves.

　

Clara sighed and said, "Come here."

　

She then led him to the common room and sat him down on a comfortable chair. She then put his legs up on the ottoman. Clara looked up at the Doctor and smiled. "This should help." she said.

　

"Whatever you're going to do, just do it." the Doctor sighed.

　

Clara nodded and then began to massage the Doctor's calves. He winced at the pain but after a few minutes, he let out a sigh of relief as the pain subsided. "Better?" Clara inquired, pausing her massage.

　

"Much." the Doctor replied. "But I didn't say that you could stop."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and continued her massage. The Doctor let out a sigh of contentment as his companion attended to his needs.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 20_

　

Since the discovery of his pregnancy, the Doctor had come out of denial about his weight gain. He was wearing larger clothing sizes to accommodate his growing bump. Another thing that was growing was his hair- on his head and on his body. It was thicker and fuller than usual. Clara had managed to convince him to get a haircut. So now, it was its previous length. He hadn't really noticed it before and it was only slight, but he had full-on man-boobs. He never thought that he'd have moobs in this body. Still, what had really grown was his appetite. He couldn't get enough food. It was like he had this demon-like hunger gnawing at his insides. Clara was worried that he would eat too much. That was why he was currently hiding from her in the supply closet, eating peanut butter oatmeal biscuits. Pregnancy hadn't diminished his junk food habits in the slightest. Sure, he was eating more healthy food, but he craved junk food as well. He was worse than Clara had ever been back when she was pregnant with John. As the Doctor was about to eat his sixteenth biscuit, the door to the supply closet was flung open and light flooded into the Doctor's eyes. He covered his eyes and let out a hissing noise. "Found you!" Clara declared. When she saw what the Doctor was eating, she let out a groan. "Doctor, I know you're eating for two, but do you really need to eat half a jar of biscuits?"

　

The Doctor glared at his companion and said, "I was hungry!"

　

"What about the healthy snacks I left out for you?" Clara asked.

　

"I hate Granny Smith apples!" The Doctor snapped. "I don't like broccoli, either!"

　

"Doctor..." Clara groaned.

　

The Time Lord scowled petulantly and left the supply closet. He headed to the galley and put the jar of biscuits up on top of the refrigerator. He paused for a moment before searching the cupboards for his desired snack. When he found it, he grinned. It was a jar of creamy peanut butter. He opened it up, grabbed a spoon, and scooped some out before popping the spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. He let out a groan of contentment as the taste of his craved food exploded across his tongue. He began to devour the peanut butter. Between his third and fourth bite, the Time Lord moaned, "Oh, yes."

　

Just then, Clara walked in. She saw the Doctor eating the peanut butter and smiled. She then said, "There's just no stopping you, is there?"

　

"No one gets between me and my peanut butter." the Doctor replied. He then took another bite and let out a sigh of contentment.

　

Clara took in the sight of the pregnant Time Lord happily consuming peanut butter straight from the jar. She smiled and walked over to him before standing on her tiptoes and pulling him down for a kiss. When they parted, Clara let out a soft laugh. The Doctor raised a brow and asked, "What's so funny?"

　

Clara smiled and said, "Peanut butter kisses."

　

ooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 21_

 

The Doctor had his shirt lifted to expose his belly and was closely examining it. The purple streaks that zig-zagged across his pale skin had become quite noticeable. Clara crept up behind him and hugged him from behind, startling him somewhat. She then moved her hand down to the Doctor's growing belly and said, "They're stretch marks."

　

"And they're normal?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"Yes." Clara replied. "I got them when I was pregnant with John, though they weren't as vivid as yours."

　

"Great." the Doctor sighed.

　

"Don't worry." Clara reassured him. "They'll fade a bit after the baby is born."

　

"They look rather odd on me." the Doctor admitted.

　

"I think they're beautiful." Clara said with a smile.

　

"Oh?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"Yeah." Clara replied. "It's strange, but you're the father of my child. This isn't, well, conventional, but it shows, you know?"

　

"So you think that I'm beautiful because I'm carrying your child?" the Doctor snarked.

　

"Doctor, I always think that you're beautiful." Clara rolled her eyes.

　

"Next thing you're going to tell me is that I'm glowing." The Doctor rolled his eyes as well.

　

"If you were really glowing, I'd be worried." Clara joked.

　

"I won't start glowing anytime soon." the Doctor replied. Unless he died in childbirth and regenerated, he thought, but he wasn't going to say that to Clara.

　

Clara rubbed the Doctor's tummy and asked, "So, how is my father-to-be doing?"

　

The Doctor frowned and replied. "Well, my back hurts."

　

"Come to bed, then." Clara said. "I'll give you one of my famous back rubs."

　

"They're not that great." the Doctor scoffed.

　

"Well, they work, don't they?" Clara retorted.

　

The Doctor let out an amused sigh and said, "Of course they do. You just want to cuddle, don't you?"

　

"Well, that too." Clara admitted.

　

"You just can't keep your hands off me, can you?" the Doctor chuckled.

　

"Well," Clara replied, "no, I guess I can't."

　

"Come on, then." The Doctor said, turning away from the mirror and heading over to the bed. "Grope me to your little human heart's content."

　

"It's not groping." Clara argued.

　

The Doctor sat down on the bed and said, "Clara, just shut up and give me one of your self-proclaimed 'amazing' back rubs."

　

Clara laughed as she climbed into bead and positioned herself behind the Time Lord. "All right." She said as she began the back rub. "But I get to be the big spoon when I'm done."

　

"Clara, you've seen my belly." the Doctor scoffed. "I'm too big to be the big spoon. After I have this baby, I get to be the big spoon again."

　

Clara straightened up a bit and leaned in to give the Doctor a kiss on the cheek. She then nuzzled the Time Lord's shoulder, smiled, and said, "I look forward to it."

　

Once the Doctor was a bit less sore, he laid down on the bed. Being pregnant was exhausting. He felt the mattress shift as Clara laid down behind him and brought her hand around his side, resting her palm over one of his hearts. The Doctor held back a smile as he closed his eyes. Gods, he loved this woman.


	6. Chapter 5- Manhood Rising, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things start to get really crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm enjoying writing this story very much. I hope you, my dear readers, are enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Anyway, some interesting things will be happening. It will be exciting and possibly awkward. What will it be? Well, read on to find out!

_Week 22_

　

The Doctor's belly was growing by leaps and bounds. He suspected that before long, he wouldn't be able to see his feet. He could still see them, though, and what he could see was a problem. At first, he thought it might be his imagination. However, as the 22nd week of his pregnancy rolled on, it became increasingly obvious. His boots were getting tighter. When he took them off, he could see that his boots weren't shrinking. His feet were growing. At a loss for what to do, he found himself in the common room, reading a book about what to expect with pregnancy. "Pregnancy edema." he read out loud. So that's why his feet were getting huge.

　

He then sought out Clara. When he found her, the Doctor said, "Clara, my feet are swelling."

　

Clara glanced down at the Time Lord's bare, pasty feet and said, "I can see that. They're definitely bigger."

　

"Was it this bad when you were pregnant with John?" the Doctor asked with a frown.

　

"Actually, no." Clara replied with a sympathetic smile. "My feet didn't swell as much as yours have. It looks like you might have gone up a whole shoe size."

　

The Doctor groaned loudly in dismay. Clara placed a hand on the Time Lord's arm and said, "Hey, it's okay. This is normal."

　

"Ha! Normal." the Doctor scoffed. "Nothing about this is normal."

　

Clara smiled awkwardly and said, "Well, as normal as can be expected for this pregnancy."

　

The Doctor scowled and said, "This isn't fair. I _liked_ those boots!"

　

"Maybe the wardrobe has ones in your current size." Clara replied. "Hopefully, something comfortable and roomy. You're going to need that."

　

The Doctor scowled and folded his arms over his chest. He wasn't pouting, of course. Time Lords didn't pout.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

A light streaked across the sky, though no one looked up to see it. It zig-zagged in different directions before landing in a parking lot. It was a car-sized, matte grey orb with dim lights glowing from the sides. Slowly, the door opened and a human-looking male with bright purple hair stepped out. He pressed a button on a bracelet that he wore and she ship turned invisible. Zezrin was very eager. He knew that a specific concert violinist was performing there, and he had been following her since before she had moved across the ocean. To say that Zezrin was a fan would be the understatement of the year. He was so looking forward to it. He had tickets and everything. Finally, he would see Amelia Hernandez perform, live and in person!

　

When Zezrin entered, he gave an employee his ticket and was shown in, where he was given the performance schedule and shown his seat. He eagerly opened the pamphlet and looked over which songs Amelia Hernandez would be performing. He squirmed in excitement before settling into his seat. Once everyone else was seated, the lights went down in the seating area before the lights on the stage turned on. A tan-skinned woman with her long, dark hair tied up in a bun walked onto stage. She was wearing an elegant, knee-length black dress with low, black heels. She then took her seat on the stage and began to play. It was the most beautiful thing that Zezrin had ever listened to. The human female was definitely a master of her craft, at least in the alien's opinion. After several more songs, Hernandez's performance concluded. As the audience applauded, the woman stood up and bowed gracefully before exiting the stage. Zezrin quietly got up out of his seat and made his way around the venue before sneaking backstage. When he spotted the violinist, he quickly rushed up to her. "Amelia Hernandez!" He called out.

　

Startled, the violinist turned around to see who had called her. Security also spotted the purple-haired male and began to head towards him. Amelia, not wanting trouble, raised her hand to stop the guards. She then returned her attention to the fan. He rushed over to her and said, "Your performance was absolutely stunning!"

　

"Thank you." Amelia said with a humble smile.

　

"I'm a huge fan." Zezrin continued. "I've been a fan for years! I'm so excited to finally meet you!"

　

Amelia's smile widened as she said, "Well, it's always nice to meet a fan."

　

The American ex-pat looked around before returning her gaze to Zezrin and said, "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to go freshen up."

　

"I understand." Zezrin replied with a nod. He then smiled and turned to leave. He paused, turned to look at her, waved, and said, "Have a lovely evening!"

　

Amelia waved back as the fan turned and walked away. It was only after he left that she noticed that something had fallen out of his pocket. She walked over and lifted it up only to see that it was a beautiful necklace with a gleaming red gem set in it. It looked rather valuable, but the honest thing would be to return it. The violinist rushed outside to look for her fan and called out, "Hey, you dropped something!"

　

When she got outside, however, the purple-haired man was nowhere in sight. She waited for about an hour, but he didn't return. She suspected that he wouldn't return. Amelia took a look at the necklace and shrugged. Oh well. At least she had a nice anniversary gift for Pavarti.

　

oooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 23_

　

The Doctor groaned and rolled over, unable to get to sleep. The baby simply wouldn't settle down. Because of this, the Doctor couldn't get comfortable. Eventually, his tossing and turning woke Clara up. She rolled over to look at the Doctor and asked, "What's going on?"

　

The Doctor flailed his arms and said, "I can't get comfortable. She just won't settle down!"

　

Clara smiled and thought back to her own pregnancy before an idea hit her. "Be back in a minute." she said as she got out of bed.

　

A few minutes later, Clara returned with a media player and some headphones. She connected the headphones to the media player and placed them over the Doctor's belly. "What are you doing?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Trying to calm the baby down." Clara replied. "It seemed to work with John."

　

"Then by all means, continue." The Doctor said.

　

Clara nodded and began flipping through her playlist until she found something that would calm her daughter down. After a few minutes, the Doctor let out a sigh of relief. "It worked." he said with a relieved smile. "Which song is playing?"

　

Clara chuckled and replied, " _Good Girls Go to Heaven_ by Meat Loaf."

　

"Meat Loaf." the Doctor commented. "Not bad. Not bad at all."

　

The duo waited for the song to reach its conclusion before removing the headphones from the Doctor's bump. The Time Lord then settled down in bed and was joined moments later by Clara, who snuggled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. The Doctor, in order to get comfortable, slipped his arm out from under Clara and put it around her. He let out a sigh and, because being pregnant was so exhausting, he quickly drifted off to sleep.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Amelia had been very busy of late, but she was quite grateful that she had no gigs on she and her wife's anniversary. They had been married for nine years. It was wonderful. She had a wonderful meal planned. She would make pomegranate duck with eggplant pomodoro pasta. For dessert, they would have a fresh strawberry and champagne sorbet. After that, she would present Pavarti with the necklace she had found as an anniversary gift. Oh yes, it was going to be wonderful.

　

When Pavarti finally returned home, she was very pleased to find a candle-lit table ready for her. Amelia pulled out a chair, bowed, and said, "Milady."

　

Pavarti rolled her eyes at her wife's antics and took a seat. The chair was then pushed in. In a bad fake French accent, Amelia said, "Tonight we will have pomegranate duck with eggplant pomodoro pasta! For dessert, we will have a fresh strawberry and champagne sorbet!"

　

Pavarti rolled her eyes again and playfully said, "Knock it off, Amelia!"

　

"If milady wishes it." Amelia said with a grin.

　

The American violinist then left for the kitchen before returning with two plates. She served Pavarti first before setting her plate down. She then lit the candles and poured each of them a glass of wine. The food looked and smelled absolutely divine. When Pavarti took a bite, she felt the flavors dance across her taste buds. When she finished the food on her plate, she smiled and said, "I'll have to admit it, Amelia. You've really outdone yourself as far as the meal goes."

　

"Ah, but you haven't tried the dessert!" Amelia said with a grin.

　

Amelia then left and, a few minutes later, she returned with the sorbet. She set one small bowl in front of Pavarti and then she set one down at her place on the table. The two then made small talk while they ate their dessert. When they were done, Amelia smiled and said, "My darling wife, I have a gift for you."

　

"Can I present my gift first?" Pavarti asked.

　

"Of course." Amelia replied.

　

The neurologist reached into her purse and pulled out a small box, which she handed over to her wife. Amelia opened the box and was utterly thrilled to see what was inside. "Tickets to the Green Day reunion concert!" She said happily. "Pavarti, you shouldn't have! How did you get these?"

　

"I know a person who knows a person." Pavarti replied with a shrug.

　

"I don't know if my gift could do justice compared to your gift." Amelia said awkwardly.

　

"Darling, I'll love your gift no matter what you get me." Pavarti said with a gentle smile.

　

"All right." Amelia said, returning the smile. She then said, "Close your eyes."

　

Pavarti closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt a light weight settle around her neck. "All right." Amelia said. "You can open your eyes."

　

When Pavarti opened her eyes, she saw the gorgeous necklace that her wife had placed around her neck. The neurologist gasped and said, "Amelia, it's beautiful!"

　

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." Amelia replied with a smile.

　

The two women got up from the table and embraced. Pavarti smiled and said, "You know what would make this evening perfect?"

　

"What?" Amelia asked.

　

"This." Pavarti replied. She then leaned forward and stood on her tip-toes to press her lips gently against her wife's. Amelia tightened the embrace as she returned the kiss.

　

Pavarti was right. Now the anniversary night was absolutely perfect.

　

oooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 24_

　

The Doctor grimaced and massaged his hands. Carpal tunnel syndrome was a major pain, but he had read that it was normal for many pregnancies. It wasn't fair, though. Clara's pain in this particular ailment wasn't nearly as bad as his. His back was sore, his calves were cramping, his feet were swelling, and his nipples were sore and tender. It just wasn't fair. Of course, he knew that the universe was rarely fair. Still, he did get some relief. Clara was currently providing a back massage, which helped a bit with the pain. One thing that he noticed was that Clara was having sympathy symptoms. Her breasts were swelling as well. Apparently, this was not unheard-of. Clara had recently started leaking colostrum, which the Doctor found oddly amusing. Clara simply glared at him. Fortunately, that did not stop her daily massages. It didn't diminish her attractiveness either. For some reason, he found Clara even more attractive. For some reason, perhaps due to the hormones, the Doctor had been feeling exceptionally frisky as of late. He was doing his best to hide it from Clara, as he wasn't sure if she'd be able to pleasure him with his growing belly getting in the way. It was extra noticeable with his thin frame. Clara, of course, had told him that she still found him attractive. She never even batted an eyelid when she saw how his naked body had gone all funhouse mirror on him. He never found her any less attractive when she was pregnant. He still found her very attractive even now. Her scar-covered body drew him even now. Especially now. Oh, what he wouldn't give to touch her, to pleasure her, to make her come in any way he could manage. At the thought of that, the Doctor was unable to muffle a lusty groan. Clara chuckled and the Time Lord turned red. In a nonchalant voice, Clara commented, "Feeling a little frisky, Doctor?"

　

"I'm fine." the Doctor croaked.

　

"You don't need to deny it." Clara said sympathetically. "You've been humping my leg in your sleep for the past week."

　

"Oh gods, Clara, I'm sorry." the Doctor said desperately.

　

The impossible girl ceased her massage and moved around the Doctor so she was in front of him. "Doctor, don't apologize." Clara said gently, placing a hand on the Time Lord's cheek. "You have needs, too. I should be the one apologizing. I've been neglecting those needs..."

　

The Doctor leaned into Clara's touch and let out a soft groan. The Earth woman then leaned forward and pressed her lips against the Doctor's. He let out a soft moan as he opened his mouth to her and their tongues carressed one another in a passionate dance.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

As Clara and the Doctor made out in the TARDIS, down on Earth in the twenty-first century a certain same-sex couple was chatting at the table on an ordinary Wednesday. "I checked my Facebook today." Amelia groused. "The only people I seem to have on my friend list are relatives and old schoolmates."

　

"Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing." Pavarti replied.

　

"Most of my other friends are women." Amelia said with a frown. "At least I sort of understand them, though the straight ones are a bit tougher to understand. The men on my friend list keep making these inside jokes that, as a woman, I don't understand."

　

"I don't understand them, either." Pavarti admitted. "Male friends tend to make it clearer."

　

The neurologist sighed and added, "I really wish that at least one of your friends was a man."

　

"Yeah." Amelia said with an awkward smile. "That won't happen right this second, though."

　

Neither of them noticed that, for a split second, the gem on the necklace began to glow.

　

oooooooooooooooooo

　

Clara and the Doctor had been snogging passionately for several minutes. The Time Lord could feel his companion's breasts resting against his own chest. Once again, he let out a soft moan. Suddenly, he felt an odd change in the air, as of the fabric of space-time was being somehow altered. In an instant, Clara's lips became rougher and he could no longer feel her breasts against him. The human backed away and the Doctor's eyes widened dramatically at what he saw. When Clara saw the Time Lord's expression, she asked in a much deeper voice, "Doctor, what's wrong?"

　

When she heard her own voice, Clara gasped. She no longer sounded like a she. The Adam's apple at her throat bobbed as she swallowed audibly. The Doctor continued to stare at the person he loved, the person who was no longer a she. Clara Oswald had turned into a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue dramatic music! DUN DUN DUN!


	7. Chapter 6- Manhood Rising, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara is definitely a man. The thing is, what is going to be done about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers. I apologize for taking so long to update. I've been so busy. Life and stuff got in the way. Anyway, I'm sure that I've worried some of you after the end of the last chapter. You needn't worry, though. Clara's state as a man is only temporary. The Doctor's reaction, of course, will not be unusual for him. Anyway, on to the story!

_Week 24_

　

When Clara saw her masculine face reflected in the Doctor's eyes, he let out a rather unwomanly shriek. "Oh my god, I'm a man!" She cried.

　

"It's not so bad." The Doctor replied as he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began to scan Clara. "At least you have the standard male equipment and not, for example, a retractable tentacle for a penis."

　

"Oh god!" Clara groaned. "What am I going to do?"

　

"Well, if you'd like, we could keep kissing." the Doctor suggested. "I rather like the kissing."

　

"Doctor, I'm a man!" Clara snapped. "You've shown no sign of being attracted to men. Why would you want to kiss me? How can you be so nonchalant about this?"

　

"Well, I was surprised at first, but I'm quite over it now." the Doctor replied. He then rolled his eyes and added, "As for the kissing thing? I'm over two thousand years old, Clara. I've been around the block a time or two. You're hardly the first man I've ever kissed." He paused for a second before saying thoughtfully, "Though to be fair, this is the first time I've kissed someone who turned _into_ a man while I was kissing them."

　

"You've kissed men before?" Clara replied, both incredulous and relieved.

　

"Time Lord sexuality and romantic inclinations are extremely flexible, Clara." the Doctor replied sagely. "Two people could be in a relationship and one of them could regenerate into a member of the opposite sex. Inflexibility would be extremely detrimental. Sexuality in most humanoid species runs in a spectrum. It's a shame that you humans have to make such a big deal over what end of the spectrum an individual leans towards. Such pointless labels."

　

"Is Time Lord sexuality really that flexible?" Clara asked.

　

"Yes, it is." the Doctor replied. "Gender, too. Why else do you think that I was so willing to accept the implant that allows me to grow what is considered standard female anatomy in addition to my current equipment, which is considered standard for most males? Regeneration is a lottery. If or when I regenerate again, it's possible that I might regenerate into a woman. A certain amount of flexibility is required if your sex changes when you regenerate."

　

"Let's not talk about you regenerating right now, okay?" Clara said with a great amount of discomfort in her voice. "Can we deal with the current problem at hand?"

　

"It's not that bad." the Doctor said with a shrug. "For the record, you make a rather good-looking male by human standards. Are you sure that you want to change back?"

　

"Yes, Doctor!" Clara groaned. "I want to be a woman again. I don't want to be a man! Can't we fix this?"

　

The Doctor smiled and placed his hands on Clara's shoulders before leaning down and placing a tender kiss on her forehead. "All right." He replied. "I'll find out what caused this. If this is really that important to you, I won't stop until you are a woman again. Even if it takes some amount of surgery."

　

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." Clara said with an awkward frown.

　

"One thing at a time, Clara." the Doctor said with a smile.

　

Clara couldn't help but return that smile.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

The Doctor and Clara stood in the console room, both of them feeling rather impatient. The Time Lord was currently searching for some kind of alien tech that allowed such a thing to turn Clara into a man. Finally, he found a possible result. "A Chromatican wishing necklace." the Doctor said. "A supposedly magical device with a gem that allows the person making a wish to alter reality to achieve the desired effect. Of course, there is no such thing as magic, but it is still a very powerful device."

　

"Where would it be?" Clara asked.

　

"Well, these things only have a limited range, so it's probably somewhere on Earth." the Doctor replied. "Early twenty-first century. I'll begin the TARDIS' scans now."

　

After a few minutes, there was a sound indicating that the Chromatican wishing necklace had been found. It couldn't pinpoint the exact location, but the gem was somewhere in London. "Well, that narrows it down a bit." the Doctor said. "Give me thirty minutes and I'll build a device that allows me to detect Chromatican technology."

　

"Just don't get carried away." Clara said with a sigh.

　

"Clara, since when have I ever gotten carried away?" the Doctor asked indignantly. He then paused and added, "Don't answer that."

　

"Just go and build your gadget." Clara said. "I'll try not to worry too much."

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Nighttime in London was an interesting time and place to search for alien technology. The Doctor and Clara had detected several positives, the most recent of which had taken them to a rather trendy nightclub. The Doctor managed to convince the doorman to let them in with his psychic paper. Clara hoped that the nightclub wouldn't get too rough. She was concerned about the Doctor and the fetus that he carried. The Time Lord frowned as he scanned with his gadget and said, "I hate nightclubs."

　

"As long as they don't get too rough, they're not so bad." Clara said, attempting to put the Doctor at ease.

　

"They're loud, they're crowded, and random people keep asking for your number, Clara." the Doctor said loudly so he would be heard over the crowd.

　

"People ask for your number?" Clara asked. "Not that you're not the epitome of sexy to me, but don't you look a bit, well, _old_ for a place like this?"

　

"I mean they keep asking for _your_ number!" The Doctor grumbled, turning slightly red and shifting awkwardly.

　

"Doctor, how do you know that people at nightclubs kept asking for my number?" Clara asked.

　

"I... uh... followed you." the Time Lord admitted.

　

"You _followed_ me?" Clara repeated the Doctor's words.

　

"Yeah." the Doctor replied. "Before we had that argument, back before I got drugged and first tried to seduce you."

　

"You followed me." Clara deadpanned.

　

"I used my best moves on the dance floor and you _still_ didn't notice me!" the Doctor didn't whine. Time Lords don't whine.

　

"I didn't recognize you and I was trying not to stare!" Clara defended herself. "You had a Sex Pistols T-shirt, ripped jeans, a leather jacket, and multiple studded belts!"

　

"I was trying to be sexy!" the Doctor argued.

　

"Doctor, you looked like something the 80s spat out." Clara deadpanned. "The Dr. Martens I'm used to, but I never pictured you in ripped jeans."

　

The Doctor was about to defend his 80s punk look when suddenly, the device in his hand began to beep loudly. They both knew that it had detected something. Hurriedly, the Time Lord followed the beeping until it grew louder and louder. Finally, they were led to a man with bright blue hair who was grinding against a human female, who seemed quite intoxicated. The Doctor cleared his throat, but the music was too loud for the man to hear him. He tried again, this time more loudly. "Excuse me."

　

The blue-haired man still either didn't hear him or didn't acknowledge him. Finally, the Doctor shouted, "I'm talking to you, pudding brain!"

　

The man turned to glare at the Doctor. The Time Lord brought his device up to the necklace that the Chromatican was wearing and the display identified it as a Chromatican Lust Stone. The Doctor scoffed and turned to Clara. "This isn't the Chromatican or the stone that we're looking for." The Time Lord was unimpressed. "It's just a pudding brain seeking to copulate with a female pudding brain. The stone releases a pheremone that decreases her inhibitions to the point in which she won't recognize anyone. She'll just let them have sex with her. She won't have a choice."

　

The Doctor then grabbed the stone and snatched it from the Chromatican's neck. "Which is why I'll be taking it."

　

"Hey, that's mine!" the Chromatican snarled. "What was that for?"

　

"A lesson," the Time Lord replied, pocketing the necklace, "in a little thing called consent. It's a big deal for most intelligent species."

　

"Without my necklace, I'll never get laid!" the blue-haired alien whined.

　

"Not my problem." the Doctor said, rolling his eyes and turned away.

　

"Why you!" the Chromatican snarled, lunging at the Doctor with the intent to punch him.

　

Suddenly, before he could get anywhere near the Time Lord, the Chromatican was tackled by a small figure. With the wind knocked out of him, the blue-haired alien could only stare up at the man who had tackled him. Leaning in so their noses were nearly touching, Clara snarled, "Don't you _dare_ touch him! If you even think about hurting him, do you know what I'm going to do with you?"

　

The Chromatican slowly shook his head. Clara then chuckled and said, "You don't want to know what I'm going to do with you."

　

The Chromatican swallowed audibly as Clara got off of him and stood up. The small human then looked up at his surprised partner and said, "Let's get out of here."

　

The Doctor's brows were raised significantly. He was surprised that Clara had taken such aggressive measures. What was even more surprising was that seeing his partner so protective of him and his unborn daughter kind of turned him on a little.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

After spending much of the night searching for the wishing necklace, Clara and Doctor were getting kind of tired. Normally he would still be very energetic after this, but the Time Lord found that pregnancy was very exhausting and he had to sleep almost every night. Still, he and Clara had followed the signal until they had reached the most surprising of places: the residence of Amelia Hernandez and Dr. Pavarti Patil. Clara looked up at the Doctor and raised a brow. The Doctor looked back down at her with the same expression on his face. "Figures that it would be here." the Doctor sighed.

　

"They're not going to be happy if we wake them up at 2 AM." Clara said.

　

"That's why we are going to break in very, very quietly." the Doctor replied.

　

"Didn't you learn your lesson about breaking in last time?" Clara asked.

　

"Nope. Not at all." The Doctor replied cheerfully. "Besides, even Cricket Bat Woman wouldn't hit a pregnant man."

　

"How is she supposed to know that you're pregnant?" Clara asked with great concern in her voice.

　

"She was raised Catholic." the Doctor said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "They can sniff out an unplanned pregnancy like a bomb dog at an airport."

　

Clara groaned and facepalmed. The Doctor quietly crept over to the window, took out his sonic screwdriver, and unlocked the window. He then quietly opened the window and, with a bit more effort than usual, managed to haul his gravid body through the opening and into the house. He was then followed by Clara, who had even more difficulty than he did due to her smaller height and shorter legs. "All right." the Doctor whispered. "I'll take one side of the house, you take the other side."

　

Clara nodded and left to search his side of the house. The Doctor followed the device, which he had set on 'vibrate only' mode. As he searched, the the vibrations grew stronger as he got closer to the wishing stone. When he entered a room, he saw a male figure rifling through something, probably a jewlery box. The man had purple hair and when the Doctor scanned him, he confirmed that the man was a Chromatican. The Time Lord quietly cleared his throat, catching the Chromatican's attention. The alien froze momentarily before turning around, caught red-handed with the stone in hand. "Give me the stone." the Doctor ordered.

　

"I can't do that." the Chromatican replied. "You don't know the power that this thing has!"

　

"You clearly didn't use it responsibly." the Doctor scoffed. "Give it to me so I can reverse what it's done."

　

"Never!" the Chromatican argued. "You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers!"

　

"Let's compromise, shall we?" the Doctor said as he pointed his sonic screwdriver at the Chromatican and unleashed a frequency that was known to paralyze Chromaticans. It was non-lethal, but it was still very potent.

　

When the Chromatican fell to the floor with a thud, the Doctor took the wishing stone from him. He would use this tone to reverse-engineer a cure for Clara's masculinity. While he was thinking about this, he didn't notice a figure creeping up behind him, cricket bat raised. He was fortunate that he noticed it out of the corner of his eye just as the cricket bat started to swing. With surprising agility for a pregnant man, the Doctor managed to dodge the strike. The light suddenly turned on, the light switch flicked by Pavarti. Amelia's eyes widened. She then groaned, "Doctor, what are you doing here?"

　

"Oh, it's just a midnight visit." the Doctor said nonchalantly.

　

"Midnight visit my ass." Amelia scoffed. She then noticed the necklace in the Doctor's hands. "What are you doing with my wife's necklace?"

　

"Retrieving it." the Doctor replied. "It needs to be repaired."

　

"At two in the morning?" Amelia was skeptical.

　

"It really, really needs to be fixed." the Doctor amended his statement.

　

Suddenly, Clara stepped into the room. "Doctor, I can't fi- oh shit, they're awake."

　

Amelia and Pavarti stared at the petite man for several long seconds before the neurologist blurted, " _Clara_?"

　

Clara grinned sheepishly at her friend. Amelia sighed and said. "Great. My friend is a man and his alien boyfriend is pregnant. Tonight couldn't get weirder, could it?"

　

"First thing, not her boyfriend." The Doctor said. He then turned at Clara and said, "Second thing, I told you so. Thirdly, I don't know how she knew about the alien thing."

　

"John told me about your guitar collection." Amelia explained. "I've also seen the way you dress and you have a girlfriend who is way younger than you are. Hell, John showed me _pictures_ of your guitar collection. No human male has a mid-life crisis _that_ profound."

　

"My mid-life crisis passed a long, long time ago." the Doctor argued.

　

"Well, you have to be compensating for something!" Amelia argued. "From what I've seen when I saw you and Clara fucking on my couch, I know you're not compensating for what's between the legs!"

　

The Doctor blushed a little at that comment and wasn't sure what to say. Just as he was thinking of a retort, a loud groan sounded. The Chromatican sat up massaged his temples. He noticed the group of people looking at him and he focused in on Amelia. "Hello, Miss Hernandez." he said awkwardly. "I'm Zezrin Violet. Sorry about the break-in."

　

"Yeah, well, what the hell are you doing in my house?" Amelia asked.

　

"I had to get something." Zezrin replied. "Your necklace needs to be returned to safe hands. It's not safe in the hands of humans."

　

"When you say that, I'm assuming that you're not human." Amelia deduced.

　

"So wait, there are _two_ aliens in our house?" Pavarti blurted.

　

"Story of my life." Amelia replied. "What's so important about Pavarti's necklace?"

　

"It's a Chromatican wishing stone." Zezrin said. "Just make the pregnant man give it to me so I can take it back."

　

"Since when can I make the Doctor do anything?" Amelia scoffed. "He's Clara's bitch, not mine."

　

"Hey!" The Doctor protested angrily.

　

"Um, Zezrin." Clara called the Chromatican to get his attention. "I'm a man. How do I turn back into a woman?"

　

"Well, I don't know." Zezrin replied. "No one has ever wanted to be turned back before after one of these types of wishes. Gender is rather flexible for Chromaticans. Who wished you to be a man anyway?"

　

Pavarti sheepishly raised her hand. "Whoops." she said awkwardly.

　

"How do we reverse the effects of the stone?" Amelia asked. "Do I just smash it?"

　

"No one has ever tried to reverse the effects." Zezrin repeated himself. "It might work. It might not. Just to be safe, I- NO!"

　

Amelia swung down her cricket bat, striking the stone in just a manner that it chipped and then cracked in half, rendering it useless. "What have you done?" Zezrin cried. "The effects might never be reversed now!"

　

Clara gasped, her eyes filled with horror. Her horror then turned to despair. The Doctor quickly walked over to her and gave her a one-armed hug. Clara buried her face into the Time Lord's chest and was unable to choke back a sob. Amelia sighed and said, "I'm so sorry, Clara."

　

The Doctor glared at his partner's friend before looking back to said partner and saying, "I'll find a way, Clara. I promise."

　

Clara sniffled and said, "Let's just get out of here."

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 25_

　

It had been about a week since Clara had turned into a man and she had developed a certain amount of stubble. She was too embarrassed to ask the Doctor to teach her how to shave, so she didn't ask. Clara just lay there at night, unsure of what to do. One thing hadn't changed, though. The Doctor was still humping her leg in his sleep. Letting out a sigh, Clara got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. She stopped to check on John, who was sound asleep. When Clara was in the kitchen, she took a peach out of the refridgerator and began to eat it. She heard footsteps behind him and turned to see the Doctor, who appeared to be the very image of frustration. "Doctor, what's wrong?" Clara asked.

　

"It's nothing." the Doctor replied.

  
"Doctor, if something's bothering you, just tell me." Clara said earnestly.

　

The Doctor sighed and said, "All right. I'll say it." He paused for a second to gather his words and finally said, "We haven't made love in _months_ and I'm losing my mind, Clara. These hormones are driving me crazy! Well, crazier. The insanity isn't a new thing."

　

"I just don't think the position would work right." Clara said awkwardly. "Wouldn't your belly get in the way?"

　

The Doctor groaned and threw up his arms. "Clara, you have a penis. I have orifices. Do the math!"

　

When Clara realized what the Doctor was asking her to do, her eyes widened dramatically. "You want me to... in your...?"

　

"Please!" the Doctor said desperately.

　

Clara had never thought of using her new penis for sex. She had hoped that she wouldn't be a man long enough to. Still, the Doctor looked so desperate and it wasn't like Clara hadn't taken a man from behind before. One of her ex-boyfriends had been into pegging. Clara wasn't sure what to do, though. However, after a long, deep look into the Time Lord's eyes, the human nodded and said, "All right."

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Clara and the Doctor returned to their room, the two of them kissing each other hungrily. Without even looking, the Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver at the door and soundproofed the room. It was all for the best. Something told Clara that this wasn't going to be a quiet session. The human quickly stripped and stood there awkwardly until she noticed how hungrily the Doctor was staring at him. Clara smiled shyly and headed over to help the Time Lord remove his clothes. When they were both naked, the human pushed the Doctor down until he was sitting on the bed before lunging forward and burying her tongue in the Time Lord's mouth. The Doctor let out a loud, hungry moan. Clara reached down to find that her partner was hard. She reached back a bit more to find that the Doctor was soaking wet as well. Clara grinned against the Time Lord's lips as he unconsciously parted his legs a bit more to give Clara better access. She continued to stroke the Doctor's manhood until she herself was erect. She pushed the Doctor down onto his back to get a better look at him. The female parts of his anatomy had not yet reached full size and were still too small to take in Clara's rather impressive manhood. That just left one option. In a deep, manly voice, Clara said, "On your knees."

　

The Doctor let out a lustful groan and climbed up further onto the bed, positioning himself on hands and knees. Clara opened the drawer to the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of clear liquid. Since giving birth, sometimes she had trouble lubricating herself. Not always, but sometimes. It was good to have some lube on hand just in case. Now this would help with the task at hand. Clara squirted some lube onto her fingers before carefully sliding one digit into the Doctor's arse. "That's my finger." She explained calmly. The Doctor nodded.

　

Clara moved her finger around for a while until she found that spot that made the Time Lord moan. Good. The Doctor definitely had a prostate. Once the Time Lord had loosened up a bit, he tried not to flinch when Clara pushed in a second finger. "That's another finger." Clara said calmly, stroking the Doctor's back soothingly with her other hand. "I'm preparing you for me."

　

"I've done this before." the Doctor said. "Like I said, I've been around the block a time or two."

　

"Have you done it in this body, though?" Clara asked as she continued to finger the Time Lord's behind.

　

"No." the Doctor admitted before letting out another moan.

　

Clara couldn't help but grin. The Doctor was loving this. Now Clara was truly wondering what it would feel like to fuck the Doctor's arse with her penis. She was definitely looking forward to it. Once she was sure that the Time Lord was sufficiently prepared, Clara withdrew her finger from the Doctor, who let out a whimper at the feeling of emptiness. Clara squirted some lube on her manhood and then got up on her knees and positioned herself behind the Doctor. "I'm going to enter you now." the human said gently. "Try to relax, okay?"

　

The Doctor nodded and Clara took that as a signal to push into him. The two men both let out simultaneous moans. Clara started out with a slow pace as she thrust gently into the Doctor. She had to start out carefully. When the Time Lord started pushing back against her, meeting her thrusts, Clara took that as her cue to increase her pace. As she thrust a bit faster, her partner began to whimper in pleasure. Clara groaned. Oh god, this felt better than she had expected. She had been inside a man before, but never had she felt the sensation of a tight arse squeezing her cock. Clara continued at her current pace until the Doctor cleared his throat and said, "You can, ah, speed up some more." He let out a moan as Clara's penis brushed his prostate once more. "In fact," he groaned, "I insist on it."

　

Clara grinned and said, "You asked for it."

　

Clara drew back, almost exiting but keeping the tip of her manhood inside the Doctor. She then slammed back in, eliciting an enthusiastic "Yes!" from the Time Lord.

　

As Clara began her frantic pace, she was moaning loudly and the Doctor was even louder. The two men coupled enthusiastically, the Doctor pushing back to meet Clara's every thrust. The Doctor's gasps and moans were getting closer as he grew closer and closer to climaxing. Finally, after a long, wonderful while, the Time Lord let out his loudest moan yet as he finally came. Thick ropes of sticky come spurted forth from the tip of his penis, spilling onto the duvet. When Clara felt the Doctor's arsehole tightening around her, she increased his pace further until she began to feel an unfamiliar tightening in her balls. Seconds later, at last, she was there. With a loud gasp, Clara ejaculated deep into the Doctor.

　

The two stayed in that position for a while until Clara began to soften and pulled out. The Doctor and his companion both climbed under the covers. Lying together, the human spooned the Time Lord. Clara let out a chuckle and said, "You know, being a man does have its benefits. I wouldn't mind doing this again from time to time."

　

The Doctor chuckled and replied, "I wouldn't mind it, either."

　

"Yeah." Clara said sleepily. "I'd still rather be a woman, though."

　

The Doctor, also feeling sleepy spoke up as Clara tightened her arms around him. "It doesn't matter to me what you look like, what you identify as, or what you have between your legs. You'll always be Clara to me."

　

Clara let out a contented sigh and buried her face between the Doctor's shoulder blades. Her breathing gradually shifted as the human finally drifted off to sleep. As the Doctor joined his partner in slumber, he became aware of the feeling of Clara's manhood disappearing, followed by the feeling of breasts against his back. A smile on his face, the Doctor then allowed himself to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I did it. I've never written that kind of scene before, but I figured, why not? If you have a problem with it, then why the hell did you read it?


	8. Chapter 7- The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, readers. I'm sorry that I haven't posted a chapter for so long. Life kind of got in the way. Anyway, now I've had time to write a chapter. Here's hoping that it will be good enough for my beloved readers. I don't want to disappoint. Anyway, here it is.

Week 25

　

When Clara woke up, she was spooning the Doctor. She quickly realized that something was different. She brought her hands to her chest and found that her female breasts had returned. Filled with cautious optimism, she reached down to her groin and found that she no longer had a penis and testicles. She had the usual bits that she was used to. She was biologically a woman again! She held back a laugh and wrapped her arms around the Doctor. The Time Lord woke up and asked, "Good news for you, Clara?"

　

"Wonderful news." Clara replied with a grin. "I have my vagina back!"

　

"As long as it makes you happy." the Doctor replied, kind of disappointed at the idea that Clara most likely wouldn't take him from behind again. He liked taking Clara in a manly fashion, but he also liked being penetrated himself every now and then.

　

Clara released the Doctor and sat up to survey the room around her. The only thing different was the fact that the dried semen on the duvet belonged to both herself and the Doctor. Letting out an amused sigh, the impossible girl shooed the Time Lord off of the bed and began to remove the covers and the fitted sheet. It would be best to launder it and hope that it wouldn't stain. She had no problem with the Doctor's come. She just didn't like stains on her things. As Clara gathered up the things, she heard the Time Lord say, "Oh, and by the way, the vagina is only the inside area. The proper term for the entire area of the female genitals is the vulva."

　

"It's mine. I'll call it what I want." Clara said tersely.

　

With the sheets and duvet in her arms, Clara looked at the Doctor while hiding a smile. He was lucky that he was so adorable sometimes. Also that he was carrying her child, if such a situation could be considered lucky. It was generally an odd thing, the Doctor's pregnancy. It seemed to be progressing normally, or at least as normally as could be expected when the pregnant one was biologically male.

　

"So," Clara asked, "What now?"

　

"You could do that thing with your hand that I like." The Doctor replied, wiggling his eyebrows lecherously.

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "Horny old Time Lord."

　

"It's the hormones." the Doctor replied with a shrug. He then said, "What do you say, how about it?"

　

The Doctor attempted to make the eyes at Clara, but with such aggressive eyebrows, he looked ridiculous. Clara rolled her eyes and reached between the Doctor's legs, stroking his manhood to hardness and pumping it until he fell apart with a groan. A grin on his face, the Time Lord said to Clara, "I don't often complement anyone, but that was great."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "According to most of the men I've dated, there's no such thing as a bad hand job."

　

"I beg to differ." the Doctor replied, sitting up slightly and leaning on his elbows. "I could tell horror stories..."

　

"Please don't." Clara said with a frown. "As much as I love your penis, I'd rather not know about the people who treated it badly." She then placed her hand on the Doctor's shoulder and added, "This is all about us, you know?"

　

"I suppose I don't _have_ to bring up the women and men who have given me terrible hand jobs." The Doctor said.

　

Clara let out a sigh and smiled. "Doctor," she said, "I don't care who you've slept with in the past. I've slept with my fair share of men and women. You're with me now, right? That's what matters."

　

"This time," the Doctor said, "I can do my best to be monogamous and not accidentally get married to someone else."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "Knowing you, that's easier said than done."

　

"Like I sad, I'll do what I can." the Doctor replied with a shrug.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 26

　

It was an interesting thing that was going on. Jack Harkness had interested in a 'guys' night', one last one before the Doctor 'popped out a kid', as Jack put it. Because Clara was busy and John couldn't go anyone else, the boy had to tag along. Between the Doctor's pregnancy and John's status as a minor, alcohol would not be permitted. Jack, of course, constantly whined about it.

　

"I can't believe this!" the captain groaned.

　

"Can't believe what?" John asked.

　

"I'd do anything for a hypervodka." Jack complained. "These occasions usually call for drinking."

　

"Yes, well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm pregnant." the Doctor snapped.

　

"In a few years, I'm going to be a big brother." John scolded Jack. "I don't want anything to happen to my little sister."

　

"See?" the Doctor said, gesturing towards his son. "Even John agrees."

　

"You're lucky that pregnancy looks good on you, Doc." Jack said, rolling his eyes and smiling. "Your ankles are swollen and you complain constantly about your back, but your boobs look _fantastic_."

　

The Doctor's eyes widened as he sputtered loudly. John glared at Jack and said, "You don't need to make a big deal about the Doctor's man-boobs."

　

"Fine." Jack replied, rolling his eyes.

　

The trio continued to converse about subjects of mutual interest. Jack and John discussed _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_. The Doctor denied that he was interested in it, but when shipping was discussed, he couldn't help but comment. Just as the Time Lord was about to bring up AppleDash, he noticed Jack's gaze. The Doctor folded his arms over his chest and snapped, "My face is up here, Jack!"

　

"Sorry." Jack replied sheepishly. "Didn't mean to stare. They're just really, really nice boobs. Perfectly shaped A-cups."

　

"How do you know the Doctor's breast size?" John asked, raising a brow.

　

"Over the many years I have been alive, I have become somewhat of an expert on breasts- among other things." Jack replied with a grin as the Doctor groaned in annoyance.

　

"My breasts are neither of your businesses!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"He's right." John said.

　

"All right." Jack said with a smile. "No more comments on the Doctor's magnificent moobs."

　

" _Jack_!" the Doctor barked.

　

oooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 27

　

The Doctor's third trimester had officially begun and with it came several unpleasant side effects. One of them was wild mood swings that were highly unpredictable. The Doctor, of course, denied that he had such mood swings. Jack, of course, never hesitated to point them out when he was present. He was currently not present, though. Had the TARDIS been privy to such fickle things as daytime and nighttime, it would be around 3 AM. Clara Junior would not settle down and the Doctor was absolutely starving. That was why he was in the galley for a post-midnight snack. When the fetus gave another hard kick, the Doctor frowned. He tapped his belly and said, "Settle down, you."

　

His unborn daughter, of course, didn't settle down. Perhaps she had his energy, though he'd had less of it as of late. Pregnancy was exhausting. He had to sleep almost four hours a day, sometimes longer. He still got some exercise in, though. Nothing too heavy, but he wanted to get his svelte figure back, post-baby. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done since this body had always been obsessed with junk food. That did not stop with his pregnancy. He still ate unhealthy foods. He just ate more healthy foods when he wasn't eating junk food, and he had stopped eating junk food that might hurt the baby. What he currently had in plan was not that unhealthy. The Doctor licked his lips as he scooped several large spoonfuls of peanut butter into the blender, followed by milk and a handful of blackberries. Then it was time for the star of the show. The Doctor broke a banana from the bunch and began to peel it. Just as it had been peeled, the Time Lord accidentally fumbled the fruit and dropped it. A wild mood swing threw his emotions from happy to incredibly depressed. The Doctor buried his face in his hands and started to sob loudly. Apparently, he had been loud enough to wake Clara. Not John, of course. That boy could sleep through an earthquake- and had once actually done so. Clara had a concerned look on her face when she asked, "Doctor, what's wrong?"

　

"I-" the Doctor sobbed, "dropped- the- banana!"

　

"Doctor, it's okay." Clara soothed. "You can get another banana."

　

"It's not the same!" the Time Lord whined.

　

"Doctor, all of the bananas are the same on the TARDIS." Clara said calmly, gently rubbing the Doctor's arms. "It's going to be okay. You're having a mood swing. I had them when I was pregnant with John."

　

The Doctor's mood shifted again, this time from sad to angry. "I do _not_ have _mood swings_!" he snarled.

　

Clara managed not to flinch at the Doctor's Attack Eyebrows, which were more vicious than usual, vicious enough to affect even her. She held back a sigh and said, "Doctor, don't snap at me."

　

The Doctor's emotions shifted once more. "I'm sorry!" he sobbed. "I'm just this..." he waved his hand in a seemingly inconsequential direction. "and this! It's just so... this!"

　

Clara calmly picked up a banana from the fruit bowl and peeled it before holding it out to the Doctor. The Time Lord swallowed back his tears and took the banana. He then broke it up into pieces and dropped the pieces into the blender. He hit the 'puree' button and waited the few seconds that it took to reduce the contents into a silky smoothie. The Doctor poured himself a glass and took a deep swig. Clara smiled at him and asked, "Feel better?"

　

The Doctor wiped the smoothie mustache from his face and replied, "Much."

　

"What you were feeling was completely normal." Clara explained. "Well, at least normal in a human pregnancy."

　

"Well, I won't be doing it again." the Doctor said with great finality.

　

Clara just smiled and nodded. Her thoughts at this statement were a sarcastic, ' _Yeah, right_.'

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

The Doctor found himself in Jack's company again. The captain had a habit of showing up unexpectedly and the TARDIS, for some reason, almost always opened her door for him. Jack and the Doctor were currently playing Mario Kart and Jack was winning. "Ha! Take that!" Jack said gleefully.

　

"Your lead is temporary, Harkness." the Doctor replied with a vicious grin. "Eat spiked shell!"

　

" _Nooo_! Damn you, you sexy silver fox, you!" Jack cried.

　

The Doctor felt the TARDIS exit the vortex. Apparently, Clara had been piloting her. A few seconds later, Clara emerged in a rather appealing black dress, which hugged her body in all the right places and had sleeves long enough to conceal most of her scars. She was also wearing gold clip-on earrings, a gold necklace that the Doctor had given her, and makeup that suited her facial features. It was some sort of feminine trick that made Clara's already wide eyes seem even bigger. Both Jack and the Doctor's brows shot up. Jack let out a wolf whistle,

　

The Doctor was too besotted to even glare at Jack. The Time Lord's expression then shifted to a pleading fuck-me-right-now face. Jack grinned and said, " _Damn_ , girl! What's the occasion?"

　

"I have a thing with my dad and Linda." Clara sighed, seemingly annoyed.

　

"What kind of thing?" Jack asked.

　

"Linda is trying to set me up with one of her co-worker's son." she grumbled. "They said to give him a chance and-"

　

" _What_?" the Doctor cried. " _Why_?"

　

" _Doctor_ ," Clara sighed. "They said that I have to give him a chance and I-"

　

"Are you leaving me?" the Doctor asked bluntly.

　

"Doctor, I _have_ to go to dinner with him, his dad, my dad, and Linda. I-"

　

"You're not attracted to me anymore, are you?" The Doctor's mood suddenly shifted again. "You think I'm ugly!" he wailed.

　

"Doctor, I do _not_ think that you're ugly!" Clara groaned.

　

"I can't believe you're leaving me for the pretty one!" the Doctor cried. "I'm pregnant with your child, for goodness' sake!"

　

"Doctor, shut up!" Clara snapped. "If you'll just _listen_ to me, I'll tell you what's going on!"

　

The Doctor sniffled and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. Clara took a deep breath and began to explain. "Linda's co-worker wants to set me up with her son. I told Linda that I'm with you, but she thinks that I can do better." the Doctor sniffled and Clara said, "Shut up. Let me continue. Anyway, I pretty much have to go to dinner with him to let him down gently. If that fails, well... I don't know what I'll do."

　

"I could kick his ass for you." Jack offered.

　

"I hope it doesn't come to that, but I'll remember your offer." Clara said with a grin. She then turned to the Doctor and said, "I'd never leave you, Doctor. I love you and nothing is ever- _ever_ \- going to change that. You're pretty much stuck with me."

　

The Doctor sniffled again and began to weep once more. Clara was just too good to him sometimes. The impossible girl sighed and walked around the couch before wrapping her arms around the Time Lord. "It's okay." she said soothingly. "I'll be back, I promise."

　

The Doctor let out another sniffle and nodded. Her eyes said everything. At this moment, she was definitely not going to leave him. Damn his insecurity! He was a Time Lord. Time Lords are above insecurity. The Doctor wiped his eyes. Then again, he had always been a pretty lousy Time Lord. When he looked up at Clara and her smiling face, he couldn't help but smile back. Clara hugged him once more before letting him go. "I'll be back in a couple hours, okay?" She then stepped back and gave the two men a stern look. "Both of you behave. That especially means you, Jack."

　

Jack gave Clara his most innocent look. "Who, me?" the captain responded. "You know that I'll be a perfect angel!"

　

"Yes, well, from my experience, angels are pretty awful." Clara deadpanned.

　

"Point taken." Jack said. "I'll behave."

　

"You'd better." Clara said warningly before stepping out.

　

The Doctor looked at Jack and said, "You were rather quick to acquiesce."

　

"Yes, well, it's the reason I've lessened my attempts to seduce you." Jack replied. "Clara will chop off a very important part of my anatomy and I don't know if it will grow back."

　

oooooooooooooooo

　

Week 28

　

"No!" the Doctor huffed, folding his arms over his chest.

　

"Doctor, it's been long enough!" Clara argued, "You need to go back for another scan!"

　

"Have you forgotten what happened _last time_ we went to Gaga?" the Time Lord asked, a bit of exasperation in his voice. "I am not stepping into another taxi!"

　

"What are our other options, Doctor?" Clara asked, her hands still on her hips.

　

"I could park the TARDIS about two hundred meters from the hospital. That's as close as I can get." the Doctor admitted.

　

"Well, let's do that, then." Clara said with a shrug.

　

"I still don't want to." the Doctor replied. "If you got a Gaga doctor that spoke in an alien language, you're lucky. When one of them tries to speak English, it's nearly impossible to understand."

　

"How bad could it be?" Clara asked. "What's the worst that could happen?"

　

oooooooooooooooooooo

　

"Ooh, _what's the worst that could happen_?" the Doctor mocked. "There's no such thing as jinxes but if there were, you would have done it with those famous last words!"

　

"Yes, well, how was I supposed to know that we were going to be kidnapped right outside the hospital?" Clara snapped, struggling to get free from the ropes. "Doctor, can't you do something?"

　

"I'm thinking!" the Doctor snapped back. "I'm not _made_ of elaborate escape plans, Clara!"

　

"When we get out of this, I'm going to hide all the peanut butter on the TARDIS!" Clara said angrily.

　

"You wouldn't." the Doctor growled, furrowing his mighty eyebrows threateningly.

　

Suddenly, a nasally, Milhouse-esque voice spoke up. "I _hoop_ you are comfortable."

　

The Doctor and Clara looked at the entrance of the warehouse where they were being kept to see a swamp-green Gaga with a rather prominent lazy eye. "No," the Doctor drawled, "Can't say we are. The guards aren't much for talking, either."

　

"Well, we could make the _roops_ softer, though they'll be just as strong." the Gaga suggested. "As for the guards, well, they were waiting for me." He smiled and introduced himself. "I am Rooland."

　

"What do you want with us?" Clara asked.

　

"It's not what we want with _you_ , it's what we need with your _husband_." Rooland replied.

　

"I'm not her husband!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"Boyfriend, then." Rooland shrugged.

　

"Not that, either!" the Doctor said, hiding his embarrassment.

　

"Boy toy?"

　

"No!"

　

"Fuck-boy?"

　

"What- no! Shut up!"

　

"Whatever label the Doctor wants to use doesn't matter right now!" Clara snapped. "Just tell us what you want?"

　

Rooland tugged at the lapels of his fine suit. "Very well." the Gaga said calmly. "We need your baby."

　

"Sorry." the Doctor snarked. "Can't have it. I'm rather attached to it at the moment."

　

"We can wait." Rooland replied. "We have been waiting for fifty years for our new _poop_."

　

"Say what?" Clara questioned.

　

"Our _poop_." Rooland repeated. "Do you not know what a _poop_ is?"

　

"A bowel movement?" Clara questioned.

　

"No, not shit!" Rooland groaned, "Our _poop_! Our _poop_!"

　

"You'll have to clarify what you mean." the Doctor said condescendingly.

　

The exasperated Rooland groaned and said, "Your child will be our _poop_! Our _hooly_ leader!"

　

"Did I hear that correctly?" Clara asked a

　

"Yes, human!" Rooland snapped. "Our _poop_!"

　

The Doctor was unable to stifle a snicker as Clara said, "Repeat that again?"

　

"Our _poop_!" Rooland snapped. "Our _poop_!"

　

"Stop saying _poop_ or I'm going to _pope_ my pants." The Doctor said with infuriating calm. "Fair warning, I'm twenty eight weeks pregnant. I might wee a little as well."

　

"Is this all some big _jook_ to you?" Rooland snarled.

　

"Yes." the Doctor replied. "Also, I was keeping you preoccupied until help arrived."

　

Suddenly, the doors burst open and the unconscious bodies of the guards outside fell in. Standing in the doorway was Jack Harkness, armed with what looked like a paintball gun. "Who in the name of all that is _hooly_ is that?" Rooland snapped.

　

"That would be help." The Doctor said smugly.

　

"Guards!" Rooland shouted. "Get him!"

　

The dozen guards inside the warehouse charged at Jack. The captain, of course, made a weapon-cocking sound before charging at the guards with a shout of, " _Spoooooon_!"

　

"What is it with him and the annoying late 20th century animated television references?" the Doctor groaned.

　

Jack blasted a wave of automatic fire at the first wave of guards, splattering them with paintballs. The paintballs let out a burst of electricity that shocked the guards, knocking them out. When another wave came at him, he took out an alien-looking grenade, pulled the pin with his teeth, and lobbed it at the group of Gaga. It exploded, showering the guards with goop, which instantly hardened and held them frozen in their positions. Wave upon wave descended upon them, only to be defeated with Jack's use of non-lethal weaponry. He must have found the weapons room on the TARDIS- the only weapons with locks that weren't complicated even to the Doctor were the non-lethal weapons. As he sprayed wave upon wave of the guards with paintball fire and glue grenades, Jack loudly hummed Tchaikovsky's _1812 Overture_. In less than a minute, it was over. Jack was a lean, mean, fighting machine. The Doctor would never admit it but, for once in his long life, he was almost slightly maybe borderline-attracted to Jack Harkness. That time in his Ninth body when he and Jack got drunk didn't count. Getting to second base while heavily intoxicated definitely didn't count as making out. That body had been ninety percent a ladies' man, but that odd ten percent, well... it wasn't really something he indulged in in that body. As for his other bodies, the Doctor usually didn't kiss and tell.

　

Jack stood with his foot on the prone Rooland's back, the barrel of his paintball gun pressed to the back of the Gaga's head. "Interesting" Jack said in a rough voice. "A boobie trap that actually captures boobies."

　

" _Harkness_!" the Doctor barked.

　

"Jack, enough with the cartoon references! Just untie us and get us out of here!" Clara snapped.

　

"Fine, fine." Jack replied with a sigh, heading over to the pair to untie them.

　

Clara rubbed her wrists, as she had been freed first. Suddenly, she grabbed Jack's paintball gun and pointed it in his direction. "What the-" Jack began, but Clara shouted, "Move!"

　

Jack quickly jumped to the side and the impossible girl fired several shots at the pouncing Rooland. Each shot connected directly with the Gaga's crotch. The green-skinned alien collapsed, clutching his genitals as he passed out. Jack and the Doctor both looked at Clara, eyebrows raised. The human female began to help the captain untie the Doctor. There was a brief silence before Jack said, "Damn, girl. When did you learn to handle a paintball gun like that?"

　

"The paintball competitions of Arborius III." Clara replied. "I took John for his eighth birthday. We both ended up winning. The Doctor decided not to join."

　

"That's because paintball is a stupid concept." the Doctor argued.

　

"Stupid or not, we still won." Clara replied with a savage grin.

　

"Nice." Jack replied with a grin. "Never met a girl who could fire a paintball gun like that. Is it wrong that I..."

　

"Yes." Clara said bluntly. "Very wrong."

　

"Twenty-first century humans." Jack sighed. "So judgmental."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You would not believe how many times I had to rewrite this chapter.


	9. Chapter 8- Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Clara get in trouble- again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! I'm sorry for not posting in so long. Life sort of got in the way. Anyway, I hope that this chapter is decent and makes up for it. Our favorite idiots just can't stay out of trouble!

Chapter 8: Loose Ends

　

Week 28

　

" _I'm_ judgmental?" Clara snapped. "I wasn't the one shouting pop culture references! Jack, are you stoned or something?"

　

"I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation." Jack replied.

　

"Oh my god, you are stoned!" Clara groaned.

　

"It's not my fault!" Jack defended himself. "I ran into this very lovely man and he was friendly enough to invite me to-"

　

"We don't want to know." the Doctor interrupted.

　

Jack looked around at all the unconscious Gaga. "Well," he said, "we'd best be on our way."

　

"Yep." Clara replied. "To the hospital!"

　

oooooooooooooooo

　

The Doctor, Clara, and Jack sat in the waiting room. The Time Lord was rather anxious about what might be found in this ultrasound. What if something was wrong with his daughter? He didn't want to think about it, but he was the Doctor- not thinking was not something that he did. After a while, a nurse walked in and called out, "Basil Smith?"

　

Jack raised a brow, amused, and questioned, "Basil? Seriously, Doctor?"

　

The Doctor let out a huff and said, "I can't really go by John Smith now, can I?"

　

"There's nothing wrong with Basil." Clara said with a smile, placing a hand on the Doctor's arm.

　

The Time Lord couldn't help but smile at the mother of his children. She always had his back. Clara stood up and took the Doctor's hand. "Come on. Let's go." she said with a smile.

　

"Want me to go, too?" Jack asked.

　

Simultaneously, Clara and the Doctor replied, "No."

　

Jack shrugged and said, "Suit yourself. I'll just sit here and read the magazines."

　

With that out of the way, Clara and the Doctor followed the nurse to the examination room. After exactly fifteen minutes, a balding blue Gaga male walked into the room. "Helloo!" he said with a grin. "I am Doctor Boodle! You are here for examination, yes? I tell you about booby!"

　

The Doctor inwardly groaned. This was one of the Gaga who butchered the English language. The Time Lord looked outwardly calm when he asked, "Where is Doctor Flazen?"

　

Boodle, still grinning, said, "Doctor Floozen is home sick. Just me here!"

　

"Maybe I should come back later." the Doctor grumbled.

　

"Doctor," Clara said reassuringly, "It's okay. He's a bit hard to understand, but if he knows his stuff."

　

"We do ultrasoond now." Boodle said. "You want to leave soon. We get over with, yes?"

　

"Let's get this over with, then." the Doctor sighed.

　

Boodle led the Doctor and Clara to another room, where the Time Lord was instructed to lie down on the examination table. He lifted his shirt and some gel was put on his distended belly. The Time Lord glanced nervously at his female companion. With an awkward smile, Clara took his hand in hers and squeezed gently. The Doctor and the human female then looked at the Gaga. Boodle placed the doppler on the pregnant man's belly and moved it around a bit to get a clear picture. The Gaga grinned and said, "There is booby!"

　

"Is she healthy?" the Doctor asked, his voice tinged with anxiety.

　

"Yes. Is very heathy." Boodle replied. "All things work! Strange thing, though."

　

"What?" the Doctor asked, terrified. "What is it?"

　

"You say 28 weeks preggy, right? Well, booby is small for age. Might tooke loonger to develoop. Probably full term at 45 weeks." Boodle said.

　

"That's quite a bit longer than our first child." Clara said with a frown.

　

"Well, cross-species hybrid boobies different each time." Boodle replied. "Not always same."

　

"So she's going to be okay?" the Doctor asked. "The pregnancy will just be longer?"

　

"Yes." Boodle said. "Just loonger."

　

"Is there, ah, anything I can do?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Eat fysh." Boodle replied. "Good for booby. Foolic acid also good for booby."

　

"I already know that." the Doctor said crossly.

　

"In Gaga, alkeehool good for booby." Boodle said with a shrug.

　

"Oh, hell no!" Clara exclaimed.

　

The Doctor sat up and wiped the gel from his belly. "That's it." he said. "There is no way that I'm having my child at this hospital."

　

"Maybe we should get a second opinion from Flazen?" Clara suggested.

　

"Noo need!" Boodle defended himself. "I good dooctoor. This good hoospital."

　

"Clara, we're leaving." the Doctor said tersely.

　

The Time Lord required a bit of the human female's assistance, but he got down from the table. Grumbling under his breath, the Doctor headed back to the waiting room. The second he walked through the door, he felt the barrel of a gun pressed against his forehead. Rooland had returned. All around the waiting room, armed Gaga were holding the people in the room hostage. "You come with us." Rooland said calmly. "Your child will be our poop whether you like it or not."

　

"Doctor!" Clara cried, alarmed. Immediately, two of Rooland's men grabbed her and threatened her with a gun.

　

"You'd be smart to let us go and leave." the Doctor said coldly.

　

"You woon't be able to stop us." Rooland said with a menacing grin. "What can an unarmed pregnant man do?"

　

"I knew that I should have killed them." Jack groaned.

　

Holding his sonic screwdriver behind his back, the Doctor quietly pointed it at the desk. He had a plan. He was coming up with it as he went, but it sounded like it would work. Rooland's men grabbed the Time Lord and spun him around, pressing their guns to his back. He was able to pocket his sonic screwdriver before the men saw it. "You will come with us." Rooland said.

　

The men jabbed the Doctor's back with their guns, forcing him in the direction of the lift. He couldn't let them take him out of the room. It was time to put his plan in action. Clutching his bump, the Doctor let out a fake cry of pain and hunched over. "Doctor!" Clara cried.

　

"I think something is wrong with the baby!" the Doctor groaned.

　

"No!" Rooland cried. "Someone, get a doctor!"

　

Several of Rooland's men left to find a doctor, leaving less than a dozen men still in the waiting room. About five minutes later, they returned with Boodle. "Not him!" the Doctor groaned. "He's a terrible doctor!"

　

"I am not!" Boodle argued.

　

"Get another doctor, then!" Rooland snarled.

　

Five more minutes later, the men returned with a female Gaga with short, black hair. "You will help him." Rooland instructed angrily. "He can't lose that child! If he miscarries, I will kill you. Slowly."

　

The Gaga woman swallowed audibly and nodded before beginning her examination of the Doctor. The Time Lord winked at her. The Gaga woman raised a brow before turning to Rooland. "I'll need a portable ultrasound." she instructed.

　

"Take the other Doctor and find one!" Rooland ordered.

　

The men led Boodle away. Two minutes later, they returned with a portable ultrasound machine. The Doctor let out another very convincing fake groan. Clara looked on with terror in her eyes. The female Gaga doctor prepared the Time Lord for the ultrasound. Just as she was about to place the doppler on the Doctor's belly, the lift door opens and a large team of heavily armed Gaga police barged in. "Lower your weapons and let the hostages go!" the leader ordered.

　

Because there were more of the policemen then there were hostage-takers, the hostile Gaga slowly lowered their weapons and allowed the hostages to move to safety. Rooland was enraged that his plan was ruined. He quickly drew his gun and shouted, "I refuse to let you ruin my plans!"

　

The policemen quickly responded by opening fire on Rooland, much to the Doctor's dismay. "You didn't have to kill him!" the Time Lord said.

　

"He was armed and a threat." the leader of the police team said sternly. "The situation is being handled now." He turned to his men and said, "Arrest these criminals."

　

The police quickly handcuffed Rooland's men and led them away. Once they were gone, Clara rushed over to the Doctor and flung her arms around him. "Oh god, Doctor!" Clara cried. "I'm sorry!"

　

The female Gaga doctor looked up at Clara and said, "The baby is just fine. Your partner was just acting."

　

Clara let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, she smacked the Doctor's shoulder. "What was that for?" the Doctor cried.

　

"For making me worry that you and the baby might die!" Clara snapped.

　

"Well, I'm not and she's not." the Doctor replied.

　

Clara sighed and was silent for a moment before she said, "Let's just get out of this hospital."

　

The Doctor couldn't agree more.

　

oooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 29_

　

The Doctor and Clara were sitting on the couch in front of the telly. The Time Lord was munching on a bag of Doritos. Clara, who was leaning into the Doctor's side, periodically stole some of the cheesy snacks. They were currently watching _The Princess Bride_ and the Doctor claimed that he was bored, but he didn't look away from the screen. After a while, Clara said, "We really do need to make plans for where you're going to have the baby."

　

"I'll find someone qualified to deliver Clara Junior." the Doctor replied.

　

"Well, as long as it isn't Strax who delivers _Margret_." Clara replied.

　

"If I can avoid it, that potato won't be there when I have _Clara Junior_." The Doctor said, correcting Clara.

　

"I thought we agreed that we were going to name her Margret." Clara said with a frown.

　

"No, _you_ agreed to name her Margret. I didn't. We're naming her Clara Junior." the Doctor replied.

　

"You can't name her Clara Junior." Clara argued. "It'll be confusing to have two Claras onboard. We should name her Margret."

　

"There is nothing wrong with Clara Junior." the Doctor argued back. "Human males name their male offspring after themselves. Why can't a human female name her daughter after herself?"

　

"Well, I guess you have a point." Clara sighed. "We're still naming her Margret, though."

　

"She's going to be named Clara Junior and that's final." the Doctor said firmly.

　

From outside the room, the arguing couple heard a familiar voice shout, "You could always name her Jack!"

　

Simultaneously, Clara and the Doctor shouted, "Shut up, Jack!"

　

Jack huffed loudly and said, "Jack can be a girl's name."

　

"Don't you have random men to shag?" Clara asked.

　

"My schedule is remarkably free right now." Jack replied. He then walked in and plopped himself down on the couch. " _Princess Bride_ , huh?"

　

"I'm being forced against my will to watch it." the Doctor said brusquely.

　

"Please." Clara rolled her eyes. "You know every line of dialog by heart. Well, hearts."

　

"It's a stupid movie." the Doctor huffed. "I have no interest in it."

　

"It's such a good movie." Jack replied. "Can you honestly say that you've never become emotionally invested in a movie?"

　

"Of course not." the Doctor scoffed. "They're just movies."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "So says the man who always cries at the end of _My Girl_."

　

"They were tears of boredom!" the Doctor argued.

　

"You also cried when Mufasa died in _The Lion King_ ," Clara continued.

　

"I did not!" the Doctor snapped.

　

"and when you watched _Marley & Me_." Clara finished. "Let's face it, Doctor: you have emotions just like the rest of us."

　

"Emotions or not, I do _not_ cry during movies!" the Doctor argued.

　

"It's okay to cry when you're pregnant." Jack said. "Hormones and stuff."

　

"He did it _before_ he got pregnant." Clara pointed out. "He even did it before I got pregnant with John."

　

"Can you both shut up?" the Doctor snapped. "It's the iocane powder scene!"

　

"Ooh, I love this scene!" Clara said with a grin.

　

Jack simply rolled his eyes and watched the movie with his friends. Slowly, he began to reach for the bag of Doritos, only to have his hand smacked by the Doctor. "Mine!" the Time Lord snapped. Jack didn't argue. If a pregnant person didn't want to share their Doritos, he wouldn't try to steal them again. Maybe next time they landed, he'd get his own bag of Doritos. All he could do was hope that the Doctor didn't steal them from _him_.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_30 Weeks_

　

The absolute worst had happened. The TARDIS had landed herself outside of Clara's father's home. When Dave Oswald saw his daughter standing outside, he immediately invited her in. The Doctor begged her not to go, but he was forcefully dragged in as well. That was how he came to be seated on the couch with a cup of tea in his hands. Dave eyeballed him and said, "You've gained weight, Doctor."

　

"How astute of you to point out the obvious." the Doctor said dryly.

　

Clara nudged the Doctor lightly in the arm and said, "Behave, Doctor."

　

The Doctor frowned but didn't say anything. Linda eyeballed the Doctor with even greater suspicion than her husband. "If I didn't know better," she snarked, "One would almost say that you look pregnant."

　

And that was how, quite suddenly, a verbal avalanche tumbled from the Doctor and Clara's mouths. Clara explained that the Doctor was actually an alien and that he was the naked young man that had shown up at Christmas not long ago, but he had died and changed faces. She explained that she travelled time and space with him and went on adventures of all sorts, though they had lightened up on the adventures since having John. The Doctor explained that he was indeed an alien and that he was pregnant with Clara's child due to an alien medical mishap and that he was essentially her life partner. He also mentioned that he didn't see himself as Clara's boyfriend because 'boyfriend' was too insignificant of a word to describe his feelings for Clara. Dave Oswald was silent for a moment before saying, "If this is true, you've been together for almost ten years, you take my grandson on dangerous adventures, and my daughter has somehow gotten you pregnant."

　

"That's about the gist of it." the Doctor replied.

　

"I have just one question." Dave said coolly. He then glared at the Doctor and asked, "Are you out of your fucking _mind_?"

　

"Yes, very much so." the Doctor replied. "It's not a recent thing, though."

　

"You put my grandson in danger on a fairly regular basis and you're running around putting yourself _and_ my future granddaughter in danger by running around on insane adventures while in your _third trimester_!" Dave said angrily.

　

"We've been making sure to avoid planets that want to kill us." Clara said reassuringly.

　

Dave sighed and asked, "Are you being careful?"

  
"Of course." Clara replied. "The Doctor and I would never knowingly put the baby in danger."

　

Dave frowned and said, "All right, then." He looked directly at the pair and asked, "Have you chosen any names yet?"

　

At the same time, Clara said, "Margret Eleanor Oswald." and the Doctor said, "Clara Oswin Oswald, Junior."

　

And with that, the argument about names began all over again.

 


	10. Chapter 9- Shotgun Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave Oswald tries to play matchmaker and the Doctor and Clara discuss things of an intimate nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your seventeenth-favorite writer has been busy lately. Turning 29, watching my cousin's puppy, dying my hair, and trying fabulous new looks with my makeup. Of course, that is neither here nor there. I know that I haven't updated this fic nearly often enough and I apologize for that. I probably should remedy that. I hope that I haven't disappointed you all with my latest few chapters. Remember, reviews are love!

Week 30

　

"We're naming her Margret and that's final." Clara said with a scowl.

　

"Clara Junior." the Doctor replied. "We're naming her Clara Junior. Clara is a good name. Our daughter should have it."

　

"I told you before, it would be too confusing to have two Claras on the TARDIS!" Clara argued.

　

"That's why we'll be calling her Clara _Junior_." the Doctor said irritably. "You should be happy that I want to name her after you!"

　

"Well, I'm not." Clara replied angrily. "Margret is a good name."

　

"Margret is a boring name." the Doctor argued. "Our child will not be boring!"

　

Dave raised his hand and said, "Excuse me."

　

The Doctor whipped his head around to look at Dave and snapped, " _What_?"

　

"Don't snap at my father!" Clara snapped.

　

"Everybody calm down!" Dave shouted.

　

There was a silence. The only sound was the sound of Linda sipping her tea. Dave let out a sigh and said, "All right. So the Doctor is pregnant. The question is, what are you two going to do next?"

　

"Well, we'll have the baby and raise it." Clara replied.

　

"Beyond that." Dave elaborated.

　

"What do you mean?" Clara asked.

　

"Well, since you've had John, I've seen the way you look at each other." Dave replied.

　

Clara raised a brow and asked, "Where are you going with this, Dad?"

　

"You two have been making eyes at each other constantly over the past nine years whenever you two visit." Linda pointed out. "You two should make it official."

　

"What?" Clara asked dumbly.

　

Dave let out a sigh before smiling. "What Linda and I are saying," he explained, "is that you and the Doctor have been together for almost ten years. It's about time that you tied the knot. You know, got married."

　

Clara let out a sputtering sound and the Doctor choked on his tea. "W- _what_?" the impossible girl blurted.

　

"You have one child and are expecting a second." Dave said. "You could use that as an excuse. Anyone who has been together as long as you two is clearly committed. The whole alien thing was a shock, but I suppose that there are worse people who could be my son-in-law."

　

Clara stammered for a moment before replying, "I don't see that happening."

　

The Doctor cleared his throat and said, "I don't think Clara is the marrying type."

　

"Yeah." Clara laughed awkwardly. "The Doctor is so impatient, he probably wouldn't be able to make it through the ceremony."

　

"A lot could go wrong." Clara then said. "I mean, I know we love each other, but..."

　

The Doctor looked at Clara and the impossible girl finally said, " I know that you would never want to do it, though."

　

"Yeah." the Doctor said with an awkward smile. "I wouldn't want to do it."

　

Dave smiled and said, "Well, if you two change your mind, I would love to walk you down the aisle, Clara."

　

"Just don't expect us to pay for the wedding." Linda said with a frown.

　

"Dad!" Clara snapped. "Linda! The Doctor and I are _not_ getting married!"

　

For a split second, the Doctor's expression was unreadable. Dave sighed before smiling and saying, "All right. I'll drop it for now. Would you two like to stay for supper?"

　

"What are you having?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Roast beef and veggies with smashed potatoes." Dave replied. "I'll be making my famous gravy."

　

Clara looked at the Doctor and shrugged. "He does make good gravy."

　

"All right." the Doctor sighed, resigned. "But if the roast is dry, I'm leaving."

　

oooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 31

　

The Doctor groaned as he attempted to reposition himself in bed. Clara rolled over and asked, "Are you okay, Doctor?"

　

"This heartburn is unbearable!" the Doctor groaned. "Was it this bad when you were pregnant with John?"

　

"Mine was fairly moderate." Clara replied. "I've had worse heartburn before I was pregnant."

　

"So this pregnancy is just kicking my arse." the Time Lord sighed. "Lucky me."

　

"I could get you some antacids." Clara offered.

　

"That might actually be a good idea." the Doctor replied.

　

"All right." Clara replied. "I'll go to the med bay and get some."

　

The human then climbed out of bed and headed to the med bay. She searched through the supplies before she found a box of antacid pills. She read the box and was relieved to see that it was safe for pregnant people. She popped a couple pills from the foil packet. She then headed to the galley to retrieve a bottle of water for the Doctor.. Suddenly, she heard a shout of, " _Clara_!"

　

Clutching the pills and the water bottle tightly in her hands, Clara rushed back to her and the Doctor's bedroom. When she got there, she saw the Doctor sitting upright with two wet spots on his shirt, directly over his chest. "What-" the Doctor stammered.

　

Clara sighed and said, "Doctor you should know what's happening."

　

"I know what's happening!" the Doctor said with a scowl. "I just didn't expect it to happen to me. You know, since I'm _male_..."

　

"Well, leaking colostrum is normal at this stage of the pregnancy." Clara explained. "Your pregnancy seems to have been fairly normal. Well, as far as this can be considered 'normal'."

　

"I think that there are pads that I can attach to myself to hide this." the Doctor said thoughtfully.

　

"If that's what you want to do." Clara said with an awkward shrug. "I do my best to hide it when I'm leaking."

　

The Doctor suddenly let out a groan. Clara's eyes widened as she asked, "Doctor, what is it?"

　

"It's this damn heartburn." the Doctor grumbled.

　

Clara smiled sympathetically and held out the antacids and the bottle of water. "Here." she said. "These should help."

　

The Doctor immediately opened the bottle of water. He then popped the two pills in his mouth and washed them down with the water. He let out a sigh as the quick-acting futuristic antacids did their work, providing some level of relief to his heartburn. Clara got back under the covers and asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

　

"I think so." the Doctor replied. "I'm fine for now."

　

"Good." Clara replied sleepily.

　

The impossible girl laid her head down on the pillow and within seconds, she was asleep. The Doctor let out a sigh of contentment before laying back on his own pillows. 31 weeks down, only 14 weeks left to go.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 32

　

The Doctor looked at his side profile in the mirror. His body had changed so much over the past 32 weeks. He was huge. He was still skinny, but he had gained some pregnancy weight. There was also the matter of his man-boobs. He had no intention to breastfeed- that would be too weird, even by his standards- so they would probably return to their previous size after the baby was born. He had seen an obstetrician earlier that week. It was decided that in the final five weeks of the Doctor's pregnancy, Clara Junior wouldn't grow much. She just needed that time for her brain to fully develop. John was a clever child, but he had grown so much more quickly. This really was different. The Doctor saw Clara walk up behind him before wrapping her arms around him and placing a hand on his belly. "How are you doing?" she asked.

　

"About as well as can be expected." the Doctor said irritably. "I'm swelling in places that I normally don't, I'm pre-lactating, I have heartburn, I have to urinate almost constantly, and I'm suffering from a variety of other pregnancy symptoms in addition to being approximately the size of the Thurviglian Jorthax. Clara Junior had better be worth it."

　

" _Margret_." Clara corrected. "And I'm sorry, Doctor, but it'll get worse before the baby is born."

　

"Remind me when this is over to never get pregnant again." the Doctor said with a scowl.

　

Clara was silent for a moment before asking quietly, "What if we want another one and I can't get pregnant?"

　

"We managed it before." the Doctor replied.

　

"No, I mean what if I can't have a baby because of the car crash?" Clara elaborated.

　

The Doctor took Clara's hand in his and gently squeezed it. "We'll cross that bridge if it comes to it." he said gently. "I'd be happy with just two children."

　

Clara smiled and said, "Right now, so am I. Besides, I don't think we could handle more than two."

　

The Doctor let out a huff and said, "Indeed. John was a fairly well-behaved baby, but this one is causing trouble before she's even been born."

　

"Well, when she's born, we'll have a new challege ahead of us." Clara replied.

　

"I know." the Doctor said. "I can't wait to get this thing out of my body, though."

　

"Well, you only have 13 weeks left to go." Clara said comfortingly. "The pregnancy symptoms are only temporary."

　

"This pregnancy is still kicking my arse." the Doctor huffed. "That and the fact that I haven't made love properly in _months_."

　

Clara rolled her eyes and let out a sigh of exasperation. "Really, Doctor?"

　

"I can't help it!" the Doctor whined. "It's the hormones!"

　

"Will a quick handy help?" Clara asked.

　

"Maybe." The Doctor replied.

　

Clara reached into the Doctor's trousers and took him in hand. She stroked him for a couple minutes before he fell apart with a groan. The impossible girl smiled and asked, "Did that help?"

　

The Doctor frowned and said, "Not as much as I'd like."

　

"Really?" Clara groaned.

　

"This damn belly gets in the way of having sex the usual way." the Doctor said crossly. "This was so much easier back when you had a penis."

　

"Well, I don't have one anymore." Clara replied with a scowl.

　

The Doctor paused before thoughtfully saying, "There are special, ahem, 'toys' that can fuse with a woman's body to make a faux penis, complete with synthetic ejaculate."

　

"That's a bit odd." Clara replied. She let out a sigh before asking, "Doctor, would you like me to take you again?"

　

"If that's okay with you." the Doctor said.

　

Clara nuzzled into the Doctor's back and said, "I'll think about it."

　

"Please decide soon." the Doctor whined.

　

Clara let out a chuckle and said, "And you think that _I'm_ insatiable?"

　

"You were just as bad when you were pregnant." the Doctor replied.

　

"I suppose so." Clara said thoughtfully.

　

"Well, I hope you decide to do it." the Doctor replied.

　

"You're so naughty." Clara chuckled.

　

"That's right." the Doctor chuckled as well. "I'm a naughty, naughty Time Lord."


	11. Chapter 10- Four Things I Hate About Being Pregnant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers. It's me, back from the dead. I'm sorry that I've been gone so long. Between a series of health problems, family issues, and the revelation about my gender, I have had a lot on my mind. Thankfully, there is finally a lull in those problems. I decided over a cup of jasmine pearl tea to return to this fic. After all, it wouldn't be fair of me to leave it unfinished and I probably have quite a few chapters to go.

Week 33

1\. Your Body Wants to Destroy You

　

The Doctor was not happy. He wanted to go on an adventure and had even managed to land someplace interesting, but there were no evil plots afoot. He didn't know what to do when there were no evil plots. It was just he and Clara on a guided tour of the city, having left John with his grandparents for a while. The seats of the tour carriage were hard, unyielding, and very uncomfortable. This was made worse by the fact that the Doctor was having a particularly nasty case of hemorrhoids. Even worse, the street was mostly cobblestones and the ride was bumpy. Every time the carriage lurched, a harsh pain shot through the Doctor's arse. Still, Clara seemed to be enjoying it. The Doctor tried his best to hide the pain that he was in. It wasn't fair. Clara never seemed to have an issue with hemorrhoids when she was pregnant. If she did, she never complained about it. Uncomfortable seating was made even worse by terrble back pain. Oh, if only he could take some painkillers. Unfortunately, there were no painkillers availible in this city that had no potential adverse affects on human or part-human fetuses.

　

Another thing that compounded the situation was that the Doctor felt hot. Not sexy hot, temperature hot. Even a location that was slightly warm caused him to sweat. It wasn't fair. Usually he had no problem with most survivable temperatures. It wasn't scorching today. The weather was nice and balmy, or at least it would be to most humanoids. To the Doctor, however, it was a hot, humid hellhole that left him thoroughly miserable. Sweat had dampened his temples and had soaked his under-arm area, though it had yet to penetrate his 'magician' coat. The Time Lord swallowed quietly and used the paper tour pamphlet to fan himself. After a minute or so of doing this, his partner finally seemed to notice it. With a concerned look on her face, Clara asked, "Are you feeling hot, Doctor?"

　

"Nope." the Doctor replied, denying his discomfort even as a bead of sweat trickled down from his hairline.

　

"Doctor, you're sweating." Clara pointed out.

　

"There are lots of reasons why I could be sweating!" The Doctor argued.

　

"Doctor, I can tell that you're lying." Clara pointed out.

　

"There's no reason why I should be hot with a metabolism like mine." the Time Lord groused.

　

"I had that problem when I was pregnant with John." Clara said with a shrug. "Maybe you're having the same problem, too."

　

The Doctor folded his arms over his chest and grumbled under his breath. Clara rolled her eyes and took it as her cue to return her attention to the tour. The Doctor was getting a headache from all of his stress. He massaged his temples and tried to return his attention to the tour. Suddenly, he felt a sneeze coming on. He tried to fight it, but biology won out. With a mighty ' _choo!_ ' the Doctor sneezed loudly. As he sneezed, he felt a warm liquid dampen his underpants as his bladder had a rather significant leak. Immediately, the Doctor turned red. Great. His arse was on fire, his back was killing him, he was sweating like Niagara Falls, his head was pounding, and to make things worse, he had just pissed himself. He tried not to let Clara find out, but she was sitting right next to him and eventually smelled the urine. "Sprung a leak, Doctor?" the human said, sounding somewhat amused.

　

"It's not funny!" the Doctor hissed.

　

"You should probably clean up after yourself." Clara suggested.

　

"It's embarrassing!" the Doctor whined.

　

"Since when did you care about what was embarrassing?" Clara asked.

　

The Doctor sighed. She did have a point. When it came to a lot of things, he had no shame. Losing control of his bladder, however, was one of those things that he was embarrassed about. Before he could say anything, Clara raised her hand and said, "Excuse me!"

　

The four-eyed tour guide noticed her and paused his informing of the others. "Is there something you need?" he asked.

　

"My partner and I need to pop off to the loo." Clara said earnestly.

　

"Is it an emergency?" the tour guide asked with a small amount of irritation in his voice.

　

"If you don't stop this carriage, it will be!" The Doctor said earnestly.

　

The tour guide reached back and tapped the carriage driver's shoulder. "Stop the carriage!" he said. "If they make a mess of the seats, we could get fired!"

　

The carriage driver quickly pulled to a stop. The Doctor and Clara exited the carriage and quickly headed into a nearby restaurant, where they headed into the lavatory. They went into a stall and locked it. "How bad is it?" Clara asked.

　

"I think I need to change my trousers." the Doctor replied, still blushing a little.

　

"Do we need to go back to the TARDIS?" Clara inquired.

　

"I have a spare pair in one of my pockets." the Doctor responded.

　

Clara raised a brow and said, "Bigger on the inside."

　

The Doctor shrugged. He then took his trousers off and emptied his pockets. Two things that he pulled out were a spare pair of black trousers and a pair of boxer shorts that were blue with little yellow stars and red rocket ships printed on them. Clara raised a brow but said nothing as she helped the Doctor fill the pockets of his spare trousers and assisted him in putting his trousers and underpants on, despite his insistance that he could dress himself.

　

This day was physically and emotionally exhausting for the Time Lord. After a great deal of pleading, he convinced his companion to not return to the tour and instead return to the TARDIS. They took a cab back to the area where the space-time ship was located. Once they were inside the ship, the Doctor left Clara and headed to the kitchen, where he retrieved a bag of crisps and a jar of peanut butter. He then made his way to the common room, where he sat on the comfortable sofa and dipped the crisps in the peanut butter as he watched mindless reality television that he would normally find completely stupid. No amount of persuasion from Clara would convince the Doctor to change the station to something else. It was only when she heard him snoring that Clara was able to take the remote from him and change the channel to something with a romantic comedy on it.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 33

　

2\. The Constant Questions

　

Sometimes, even the Doctor could not avoid social obligations. Once again, he had been invited to a wedding. This time, it was a prince whose pet he had saved a few regenerations ago. That left the Time Lord and his companion standing in line, waiting to hand the invitation- The Doctor Plus One- to the guard at the prince's estate. Clara was in a rather lovely peach dress with a lacy bodice and a loose, ankle-length skirt. The Doctor, on the other hand, rebelled against the formality by dressing in his hoodie, a David Bowie T-shirt, and plaid trousers. An elderly female human-hybrid glanced back at the Doctor. When she saw his belly, she smiled. She turned to face the Time Lord and asked, "How far along are you?"

　

The Doctor frowned and said, "I don't see how that's any of your business."

　

The woman clucked her tongue and said, "No need to be testy, dearie. I was just asking a question."

　

When Clara spoke, the Doctor glared at her when she said, "Thirty-three weeks."

　

The elderly woman clasped her hands together and said, "Still a few months to go, then, if it's your wife's."

　

"My wife?" the Doctor questioned, feeling a bit puzzled.

　

"The lovely woman standing next to you, of course! I understand the confusion. Pregnancy brain. I've been there before."

　

Clara and the Doctor both spluttered for a few seconds before the Time Lord finally stammered, "W-we're not married!"

　

"Ah." the old woman said sagely. "Forgive me. I thought you were married. You and your girlfriend seem to fit together nicely."

　

"She's not my girlfriend!" The Doctor blurted hastily.

　

"Oh. Who is she, then?" the old woman asked.

　

Clara raised a brow and said, "Yes, who am I to you, Doctor?"

　

The Time Lord cleared his throat and replied, "I refuse to be your boyfriend. I will accept 'partner'."

　

"Anyway," the old lady interrupted, "is your partner the baby's mother?"

　

"Of course I am!" Clara said defensively. "Who else would it be?"

　

"Sorry, deary." the old woman smiled gently. "Sometimes these days, science trumps biology."

　

The Doctor glared at the woman until she handed in her invitation and passed through the gates. The Time Lord then handed in his invitation and walked past the guard, walking arm in arm with Clara. "You were glaring at that woman the whole time." the human female pointed out.

　

"I'm pregnant. My body is going topsy-turvy on me whether I like it or not. I have no time for pudding brains." the Doctor replied.

　

When the Doctor and Clara went to the temple and took their seats on a pew, they had no choice but to sit through the wedding ceremony. The Time Lord fell asleep several times and Clara had to elbow him when he started to snore. The ceremony was completely and utterly boring to the Doctor and he was glad when it was over. At the reception, the groom's best man, whom the Doctor had met before, told everyone a story that most of the people present had probably heard at least a dozen times before. When the Doctor was milling about amongst the other guests, the best man approached him with a bottle and an empty champagne flute. He opened the bottle and poured a bubbly liquid into the flute. He handed it to the Doctor and said, "Here. It's sparkling cider."

　

"Thanks." the Doctor snarked as he took the drink. "I'll try not to go on a bender."

　

The best man rolled his eyes, as this was not his first experience with the Time Lord's biting sarcasm. "Good." he said. "Can't have you acting outrageous in front of the gentry."

　

The Doctor scoffed and took a sip from his flute. After a minute, the best man asked, "Are you having a boy or a girl?"

　

"Not going to tell you." the Doctor replied with a frown.

　

"Fair enough." the best man said. "Are you going to have a hospital birth or a home birth?"

　

"Hospital, because I'm not an idiot." the Doctor grumbled.

　

"Natural or medicated?" the best man asked. "When my first son was born, my wife-"

　

The Doctor glared venomously at the man before turning and walking away. He stayed for another hour, about as long as he could handle, before retrieving Clara and leaving. Once the Time Lord was in the TARDIS, he took his human partner to their room. Once there, the Doctor had angry sex with Clara, who made good use of the strapless strap-on that the Time Lord had gotten her. Several mutual orgasms later, they lay in bed together. Clara, spooning the Doctor from behind, asked, "Was today that bad, Doctor?"

　

"Too many pudding brains." the Doctor grumbled. "It's easier to deal with them when I'm not sober."

　

"Well, look on the bright side." Clara replied. "The angry sex afterwards was _amazing_! I must have come five times!"

　

"Next time, only put your pseudo-cock in my mouth or my arse." The Doctor said. "I've decided that my vagina is for _birthing only_."

　

Clara hugged the Time Lord from behind and said, "I'll remember that next time."

　

After a moment of silence, the Doctor said, "I hope you were impressed with my blow job prowess. I've had centuries of practice."

　

"Centuries of practice?" Clara raised a brow.

　

"As you've probably guessed, that wasn't the first cock I've had in my mouth." the Doctor replied. "I remember when I-"

　

"Doctor, I don't want to hear any of your blow job stories right now." Clara said, sounding somewhat amused.

　

"I regret nothing." the Doctor said with a smirk.

　

"It can wait for next time you're about to use your amazing blow job technique on me." Clara said in a sultry manner, leaning in to whisper into the Doctor's ear. "It could be very, _very_ sexy."

"In that case, next time you use your strapless strap-on, I will regale you with tales of fellatio past." the Doctor replied. "Right now, though, I just want to cuddle."

　

"That's out of character for you to admit that." Clara said with a quirk of her brow.

　

"Shut up." the Doctor replied. "The pregnancy hormones are making me clingy."

　

Clara just rolled her eyes and snuggled into the Doctor's back.

　

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

3\. Unwanted Touching

　

Week 34

　

The Doctor had recently come to terms with the fact that his body wanted to destroy him. He had wrestled with it for a while, but he had eventually accepted it. Accepting it made it slightly easier. Now that things were slightly easier to deal with, the Doctor made the decision to head to a 31st century music festival in America. One of the bands performing was the universe's best David Bowie tribute band. He had to admit that he was curious. Such curiosity led him to attend the festival in his typical hoodie, T-shirt, and plaid trousers ensemble. Clara was with him. wearing one of her typical distractingly short skirts. That distraction led to a quick hand job in one of the port-a-loos, followed the Doctor sticking his hand in Clara's kickers and stroking her until she came as well. When all was said and done, both of them felt somewhat disgusted, but at least the Doctor was able to cross something off of his bucket list. Quickie in a port-a-loo at a music festival, check. At least the facilities had hand sanitizer.

　

After a few bands had performed, Clara turned to the Doctor and said, "I have to pop off to the loo for a bit. You'll be okay on your own, right?"

　

"Of course I will." the Doctor replied. "How much trouble could I possibly get in at a music festiva- you know what, don't answer that."

　

Clara excused herself and headed off to the port-a-loos. The Doctor headed over to the refreshment stands and used some replicated money to buy a rather dubious-looking pulled pork taco and a mango-flavored carbonated beverage. The pulled pork taco turned out to be delicious, much to the Doctor's delight. The beverage was palatable. As he wandered through the crowds, enjoying his meal, the Time Lord found that he was rather enjoying himself. That was, until a young woman almost collided with him. "Watch where you're going!" The Doctor snapped.

　

"Sorry." the young woman replied. When she noticed the Doctor's tummy, she said, "Oh my god, you're pregnant. I hope I didn't hurt the baby!"

　

"The baby is fine." the Doctor groused.

　

"Oh, good." the young woman said. She then asked, "So, are you having fun at the music festival?"

　

"It's not bad." the Doctor said noncommittally.

　

It was then that Clara Junior decided to give a particularly hard kick. The Doctor winced and almost dropped his food. The young woman panicked and asked, "Oh my god, are you okay?"

　

"I'm fine." the Doctor replied with some degree of irritation. "She's just kicking like a football player."

　

The woman's eyes widened as she said, "Ooh, can I feel?"

　

The Doctor's eyes bulged as the woman, not waiting for a reply, placed a hand on his belly. Clara Junior kicked once more and the young woman giggled. Quickly stepping away from the woman, the Time Lord snapped, "Hey, hey, hey! No touching the bump!"

　

"Someone's hormonal today." the woman said with a raised brow.

　

"Away with you!" the Doctor said angrily. "I have no time for idiots!"

　

The woman let out a huff and walked away. Unfortunately, this was not the last time that someone did the unwanted act of touching the Doctor's pregnant belly. He had shooed all of them away. One of them, a rather large man, would not seem to go away. Left with cranky hormones and few other options, the Doctor punched the man in the nose. Clutching his bleeding nose, the large man said, "You cunt! I'll get security!"

　

"What are you going to tell them?" the Doctor scoffed. "That you got your arse kicked by a pregnant man?"

　

The large man's pride won out in the end as he walked away, grumbling under his breath. Eventually Clara returned from using the facilities. "Sorry I took so long." she apologized. "The lines were long and a drunk was hitting people with a giant, inflatable penis."

　

"At least people weren't grabbing you." the Doctor grumbled.

　

The Doctor noticed that Clara had decided not to comment. The music festival went on for three more days and on the last day, the David Bowie tribute band made their performance. The Doctor wouldn't admit it, but he was almost impressed. Still, he was glad to return to the TARDIS and get a good shower. While he was in the shower, he loudly sang several Bowie songs until Clara joined him in the shower and shortly afterwards, hot, playful shower sex ensued.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

4\. Smug Sanctimummies

　

Week 34

　

It was about time, Clara had decided, that she and the Doctor attend prenatal classes. The Time Lord was not happy as he waited for the activities to start. "Clara, haven't you been through this sort of thing before?" he asked.

　

"I have," Clara replied, "but Jack was there with me, not you. _You_ haven't been to these classes."

　

"Is it really necessary?" the Doctor groaned.

　

"It won't hurt." Clara replied as the instructor walked into the room.

　

The first thing was meditation over crystals and organic, GMO-free incense. The instructor said that this would help the mothers-to-be get into contact with the soul of their baby. The blonde human woman then went onto 'natural remedies' that were '10,000 times better than toxic vaccines'. The Doctor, of course, quickly realized that the woman was a complete woo* addict. Leaning in to whisper into the Doctor's ear, Clara asked, "Is she for real?"

　

"Unfortunately." the Doctor replied with a grimace.

　

"No negativity in this space, you two!" the instructor scolded. "It's bad for the skin!"

　

Once the instructor looked away, Clara crossed her eyes and brought her finger up, pointing it at the side of her head and twirling it in a circle. The Doctor could not help but grin.

　

"All right," the instructor said, "Now it's time for some _deeeeep_ breathing."

　

The Doctor held back a groan as he looked pleadingly at Clara. The petite brunette merely shrugged and mouthed, 'Sorry'.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

After several long hours of pointless meditation exercises, it was time for a break for the pregnant women- and one pregnant man. To the Doctor's dismay, the other preggos had gathered around him, as he was the newcomer. "It's always nice to see newcomers who take an interest in their baby's health!" A tanned, honey blonde woman gushed.

　

"How far along are you?" a bony woman asked.

　

"Thirty-four weeks." the Doctor replied awkwardly.

　

"Oh, believe me, it only gets tougher!" a squeaky-voiced young ginger woman, probably around 26 years of age, said with a chuckle.

　

The tanned woman, whom the Doctor decided to mentally refer as Leatherface, smiled and asked, "Is this your first?"

　

"Technically, no." The Doctor replied uncomfortably. "My, ah, _partner_ gave birth to the first one via C-section."

　

The women looked at each other and clucked their tongues disapprovingly. "That's no good." The bony woman- Skeletor, the Doctor decided- said with a frown.

　

"What?" the Doctor questioned.

　

"The doctor should have waited for the baby to come on its own." Leatherface said with a frown.

　

"Well, my partner wasn't-" the Doctor tried to explain, but the ginger- Squeaky- interrupted him.

　

"You didn't get the vaccine or the vitamin K shot, did you?" Squeaky questioned.

　

"Well, yes, we did." the Doctor replied.

　

"You shouldn't have done that." Leatherface scolded. "Who knows what kind of neurological damage the chemicals in the vaccines could have done to your child?"

　

"Well, my son is perfectly healthy." The Doctor said with a frown. "He's quite clever, especially for his age."

　

"You are extremely lucky." Squeaky replied.

　

The Doctor wanted to leave, but the three pregnant women wouldn't let him. "Are you going to have a home birth or a hospital birth?" Skeletor asked.

　

"It's best to do it at home, with no chemicals." Leatherface said. "It's better for you and the baby. I did it naturally with my daughter and I plan on doing it that way with this one, too."

　

Squeaky smiled and smugly said, "I gave birth to all five of my boys, at home, with no meds."

　

The Doctor raised a brow. Dear gods, this woman must have spent most of her adult life pregnant if she had five children at 26. Did they not believe in birth control?

　

"I hope I'm going to have a boy." Leatherface said with a smile. "My husband and I don't know the sex. We don't believe in ultrasounds. The radiation could hurt the baby."

　

The Doctor wanted to slam his head against the wall repeatedly until he couldn't hear their woo and stupidity anymore. "Well, boys are great." Squeaky said with a broad grin. "All five of mine are healthy and unvaxxed and homeschooled."

　

"It's best to look out for your babies." Skeletor agreed. "That's why my kids are unvaxxed and I feed them an organic vegan non-GMO diet. They're super healthy. My oldest has only been to a doctor once and the others have never been to a doctor at all. I don't want them to vaccinate my kids while I'm not looking."

　

The Doctor could only look on in horror as the trio of pregnant woman spouted out more woo nonsense. Eventually, the subject of breastfeeding came up. "All of my boys were exclusively breastfed." Squeaky said "I breastfed my oldest until he self-weaned at four years old and my second-oldest just self-weaned."

　

"I, uh, don't think that my man-breasts could handle that." the Doctor said awkwardly.

　

"You just need to detox." Skeletor replied. "That way, you'll get plenty of milk."

　

"I don't plan on breastfeeding." the Doctor said brusquely.

　

All three woman looked at him like he had just suggested shooting puppies for fun. "You're going to formula-feed?" Leatherface gasped. "What kind of father are you?"

　

"If you feed your baby that garbage, you might as well feed him or her blended-up McDonalds food!" Squeaky said angrily.

　

"Formula barely contains any nutrients!" Skeletor said with faux-concern. "Breast is best!"

　

"You'd better not be thinking of vaccinating that baby, too!" Skeletor said angrily. "If that baby gets vaccine injured, it's on you!"

　

That's it. The Doctor had enough. He pointed behind the women and shouted, "Look! An autistic teenager formula-feeding a vaccinated baby while eating a non-organic, GMO burger!"

　

The three women turned to look out at the street and the Doctor took the opportunity to flee to the lavatory. His phone in his pocket vibrated and he took it out to see that he had gotten a text from Clara.

　

Clara: Where are you?

　

Doctor: In the loo, hiding from pudding brains.

　

Clara: How bad is it this time?

　

Doctor: They're science-denying woo addicts!

　

Clara: Oh my god. I'll keep them distracted. You take the back door out.

　

The Doctor waited until he heard the sound of Clara talking to the three pregnant women. He carefully sneaked out of the lavatory and crept out the back door before heading over to the TARDIS. Once inside, he sent a text to Clara to inform her that he was there. After a few minutes, the door to the TARDIS opened and the petite brunette walked inside. Clara closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. "My god, those people are idiots!" She exclaimed.

　

"I told you!" the Doctor said frustratedly. "Next time, do your research before you pick out a place with prenatal classes!"

　

"I didn't know it would be like this, I swear." Clara said earnestly.

　

"Whatever." the Doctor huffed as he walked away.

　

"Where are you going?" Clara asked.

　

"I'm heading to the kitchen." the Doctor replied. "I have the inexplicable urge to make non-vegan, non-organic tacos with GMO ingredients."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After several cups of jasmine tea, I've finally finished this chapter. I fucking love tea.
> 
> I'm pro-vaccine. If you have a problem with that, keep it to yourself and out of the comments. I have no time for anti-science derping.
> 
> *Woo  
> n.(or adj), the way a person is when they uncritically believe unsubstantiated or unfounded ideas.


	12. Chapter 11- John Smith Oswald, Older Brother Extraordinaire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've enjoyed writing this story so far and I look forward to writing more of it. I know that the Doctor has only 10 weeks to go, but I do plan on stretching the story out a bit. It is definitely going to be longer than Unplanned. I'm not sure how many chapters there will be. I hope that you, dear readers, enjoy reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

 

　

Week 35

　

Things had become complicated for John. He was pleased that he was going to be an older brother soon. He was inordinately pleased. There were difficulties, however. Since his parents had found out about the pregnancy, they had been paying more attention to John's unborn sister than they were to him. That was a bit of a pain. He was trying to be patient, but he couldn't help being a little jealous. John sighed as he sat in front of the telly, watching a programme about the worst disasters of the 20th century. Simon, his pet Maine Coon, was on his lap, seemingly quite comfortable. The cat was quite content as his guardian was absent-mindedly stroking his fur. When a thought hit John's head, an unintentional, paranoid thought, he paused. It was a ridiculous notion, the notion that his sister would replace him. Simon looked up at him and mewed inquisitively, asking him why he had stopped. "Sorry." John responded. "Just thinking."

　

When Simon asked him what he was thinking about, John said, "The whole thing with being a big brother."

　

Simon told him that he was a nice person and that the upcoming 'kitten' would be treated well. John sighed and said, "I'm just worried that I might get jealous and not like her."

　

Simon told him that he probably would like her. John replied, "I hope so." The nine-year-old paused and asked, "What if she doesn't like me?"

　

Simon meowed loudly, telling John that if the 'kitten' didn't like him, he always had him, his cat buddy/owner. The Time-Child smiled and said, "Thanks, Simon." Figures that the cat would view himself as his owner.

　

Simon replied, you're welcome. Now pet me before I claw you. John rolled his eyes and returned to stroking the feline's fur. Simon purred loudly and told John that he was a good pet. John chuckled and said, "Thanks, I guess."

　

You're welcome, Simon said, now scratch my ears. John smiled and obeyed the Maine Coon. Sometimes he wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that he spoke cat. The good aspect was at least he had someone to talk to. The cat was fairly nonjudgemental and sometimes that was just what John needed.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 36

　

Lately, the Doctor had noticed that John had become withdrawn and only seemed to spend time with that cat. It was a bit worrying. He and Clara had spoken extensively about it and they had come to the conclusion that he needed to spend some father-son time with John. This would probably involve some talk about feelings, which the Doctor was rubbish at. All things considered, he was surprised that his son was fairly emotionally stable. When the Doctor made his way to the common room, he let out a deep breath before walking in. Trying to keep his voice chipper, the Time Lord said, "Hello, John."

　

In a bland voice, John replied, "Hello, Doctor."

　

"So... how have you been doing?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Fine." John replied.

　

"Oh, good." the Doctor said. He paused for a moment before saying, "I was thinking, John."

　

"About what?" John asked.

　

"Maybe we could play video games together?" the Doctor suggested.

　

"Sure." John replied with a shrug.

　

The Time Lord headed over to the telly and began to set up the game console. When it was set up, the Doctor asked, "Do you want Mario Kart, the football game, the paintball game, or the bowling game?"

　

"Mario Kart, I guess." John replied with a shrug.

　

The Doctor got the controllers, handed one to John, and sat down next to him. The two then selected their characters, vehicles, and race type and started the race. The Time Lord was quite good at this game, but so was his son. It was a tough race and the two were practically neck on neck. Eventually, John won by a nose. When the race was over, the Doctor looked at his son. He took a deep breath before asking, "How are you _really_ feeling, John?"

　

"I told you, I'm fine." John replied, a hint of irritation in his voice.

　

"You don't act like you're fine." the Doctor pointed out.

　

"I don't know what you're talking about." John said, still annoyed.

　

"What your mother and I think," the Doctor said, "is that you're having trouble adjusting to the idea of being a big brother."

　

"I told you, I'm fine!" John snapped.

　

"You're not a good liar." the Doctor said with a faintly amused tone. His voice changed to serious when he asked, "What's really your problem? Does it have something to do with the pregnancy?"

　

John stared down at his lap before replying, "Kind of."

　

"You can tell me what your problem is." the Doctor said, trying to keep the awkwardness out of his voice.

　

"It's just that," John paused, "you've been ignoring me."

　

"Oh." the Doctor replied awkwardly. He took a deep breath before placing a hand on his son's back. "That wasn't our intention."

　

"Why have you been doing it, then?" John asked accusingly. "Is the baby really more important than me?"

　

"No, of course not!" the Time Lord replied hastily. He calmed himself down and continued, "Your mother and I still love you very much, John. The situation with my pregnancy has been complicated and, well, I suppose we haven't given you as much attention as you deserve. I, ah..."

　

The Doctor seemed to be struggling to say a word. John looked at his father and asked, "You what?"

　

The Time Lord, after a bit of struggling, blurted out, " _I'msorry_."

　

"You're what? I didn't understand that." John said with a frown.

　

"I'm sorry." the Doctor said awkwardly.

　

"Oh." John replied simply.

　

The Doctor paused for a moment before he finally asked, "Is there anything else that's a problem?"

　

"Yeah." John replied awkwardly. He looked at his father and asked, "What if she doesn't like me?"

　

"You'll be fine." the Doctor said with a grin. "You're a likeable child."

　

"Thanks." John said with an awkward smile.

　

"You're welcome." The Doctor replied. There was an uncomfortable silence before the Time Lord asked, "Would you like to come to my next ultrasound?"

　

"Sure." John said.

　

"All right." the Doctor said with a smile. He patted his son on the back and said, "You're going to be a great brother, John."

　

John couldn't help but grin back. There was a slightly awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever until, finally, the nine-year-old asked, "Do you want to be player one or player two this time?"

　

"Player one." the Doctor replied.

　

"All right." John said. He then smirked at his father and said, "I am so going to destroy you."

　

"Bring it on!" the Doctor cackled.

　

There was a countdown before the race started. Father and son then mashed the buttons of the controllers down, zooming their characters off down the track.

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

Week 36

　

The Doctor would be full term in just a matter of weeks. This week, he had been urinating even more frequently than usual and he was starting to get worried, hence his decision to schedule an ultrasound. He was hesitant to go to the hospital on Gaga, but he was relieved to learn that Doctor Flazen was there. Upon arrival, the Doctor filled out the necessary paperwork before turning in and heading to the OB waiting room. He, John, and Clara sat there waiting. John was currently playing Pokémon on his portable game console and Clara was reading a magazine. Meanwhile, the Doctor nervously drummed his fingers on what still showed of his thighs. Finally, a nurse stepped out and called out, "Basil Smith."

　

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief before getting up and heading over to the exam room where Flazen would be. Clara and John, of course, accompanied him. They waited about 20 minutes before the Gaga doctor finally arrived. Flazen smiled and asked, "So, how are you doing, Doctor?"

　

"Aside from my body wanting to destroy me, I've had few complaints." the Doctor deadpanned.

　

"Well, what is the complaint that brings you here?" Flazen inquired.

　

"I'm urinating even more than usual." the Doctor said, a touch of concern in his voice. "It's worrying."

　

Clara seemed calm and had reassured the Doctor many times, but he was still worried. Flazen looked at her chart and said, "You're 36 weeks along, right?"

　

"Yes." the Doctor replied. "Is anything wrong?"

　

"Well, no." Flazen said reassuringly. "This is quite typical at this point in your pregnancy. The baby has dropped lower into your pelvis. It's just putting more pressure on your bladder because of its position."

　

"So he and the baby are going to be okay?" John questioned.

　

"I'd say so." Flazen replied. She then said, "You wanted to have an ultrasound just to be safe, correct?"

　

"Yes." the Doctor replied awkwardly. "Just to be safe."

　

"Well, stress isn't good for you or the baby so I'll put your mind at ease, then." Flazen said with a smile. Climb up on the examination table and I'll get the portable ultrasound."

　

The Doctor got onto the examination table. Flazen left for a brief time before returning with the portable ultrasound machine. The Time Lord, knowing the drill, slid his shirt up, revealing his distended abdomen. The Gaga squirted a bit of gel onto the Doctor's tummy before placing the doppler onto it. She then began to move it around until they got a clear picture of the fetus. "Is she okay?" John asked.

　

"From the look of things, everything seems to be in order." Flazen said with a smile. "She's healthy and developing quite well."

　

The Doctor and John both let out twin sighs of relief. "See?" Clara said. "Everything is just fine."

　

The Time-Child paused for a moment before asking, "Can I hear her heartbeat?"

　

"Of course." Flazen replied with a smile. She flicked a switch and the four-beat sound of the fetus' heartbeats sounded through the speakers.

　

"Cool!" John said, mesmerized.

　

After a short while of listening to the heartbeat, Flazen wiped the gel off of the Doctor's tummy and said, "All right, you're free to go."

　

The Doctor nodded and exited the Gaga doctor's office. He and his family returned to the waiting room before heading to the lift. As the lift descended, Clara said, "So, John, what do you think now?"

　

"That was awesome!" John said with a grin.

　

"It was indeed." the Doctor replied.

　

John grabbed his father's hand and leaned against him. With a content look on his face, the young boy said, "I can't wait to be a big brother."

 


	13. Chapter 12- Four Things I Hate About Being Pregnant II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, readers. I'm back. I know that I haven't posted in forever and for that I am deeply sorry. I've just gotten caught up in real life. It's been a variety of things, but lately it's been my mental health. I've struggled with clinical depression for probably over a decade and I've had chronic anxiety for literally my entire life. I just started recovering from a bad patch regarding my depression. I've been barely able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom for over a week. Now my appetite is coming back and I'm slowly getting better. I've started transitioning to a stronger antidepressant, so that should help even more. 
> 
> If you are depressed, talk to someone. Remember, you're not alone and you have no reason to be ashamed. Depression does hurt, but there are things you can do. See a doctor. Find a good counselor. The combination of counselling and the right medication can make a difference. If you're at the end of your rope, don't be afraid to call your local crisis hotline. 
> 
> That being said, on to the story.

**1\. I Hate Dietary Restrictions**

　

_Week 37_

　

The Doctor's cravings had gotten out of hand. He understood the whole 'putting jelly babies on everything' thing. The peanut butter and jelly baby sandwich was where it was at. He also understood his sudden desire for mofongo, a Puerto Rican dish made with fried plantains that have been mashed with salt, garlic, and oil and it usually had either pork cracklings or bacon inside. It was traditionally served with fried meat and a chicken broth soup. A plantain was a type of banana, so that made sense. What didn't make sense, however, was his strangest craving of all: pears. He _hated_ pears! When he took a bite, he immediately spat it back out. He realized that he didn't crave a pear in his belly. He craved the smell of a pear.

　

Cravings aside, there were some other food-related things that he had to deal with. He didn't have to worry about hot dogs, deli meats, or pre-packaged salads because he could not contract listeria, as it was incompatible with his alien immune system. He had avoided sushi like the plague for most of the pregnancy, but since learning that it was actually okay for him to eat sushi, he had gone on a sushi binge. No sake, though. Alcohol was an obvious no-no. There were other things he couldn't eat, too. He couldn't eat Tootrubian duck-rabbit. The creature was poisonous when raw and contained toxins that could cause serious birth defects in Gallifreyan fetuses. Cooking the meat neutralized most of the poisons, but enough still remained for him to be worried about it. This was a major pain because he _loved_ crispy-skin Tootrubian duck-rabbit. He would often enjoy it with a nice, hardy beer. He couldn't have that, either. Then there was soy milk which, for some reason, caused his water retention to worsen. He also couldn't have Burdokian sweet potatoes, uncooked or undercooked eggs, raw meat, Thrimofitian tofu, wild mushrooms, soft cheeses, or Algonian button-berries. His inability to consume those foods made it difficult to make a salad.

　

The Doctor sighed as he chopped up the ingredients for a pregnancy-friendly salad, even though he really wanted to eat something else. Something meatier. Something rare. Very rare. In a rare moment of profanity, the Doctor muttered under his breath, "Whose cock do I have to suck to be able to eat some beef tartare?"

　

As if on cue, Jack Harkness walked into the galley, dripping wet and naked with the exception of the towel-turban on his head. He had a pair of earbuds in and a media player in hand as he sang at the top of his lungs, " _Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby? Let me know! Girl I'm gonna show you how you do it, and we start real slow! You just put your lips together and you come real close! Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby? Here we go!_ "

　

The Doctor seized an aubergine and chucked it at Jack. "Get the hell out of here and put some bloody trousers on!" the Time Lord barked.

　

Jack sighed and removed his towel-turban before wrapping the towel around his waist. "You're sending some real mixed messages here, Doc. You're saying 'go away', but where I come from, throwing an eggplant at someone means you want to get freaky."

　

"Well, I don't want to 'get freaky'," the Doctor used air-quotes. "with you. I never have and I never will."

　

"What about-" Jack tried to say, but he was interrupted.

　

"We were both inebriated. That didn't count." the Doctor said tersely.

　

"Did it count when Rose joined in on the fun?" Jack asked with a quirked eyebrow.

　

The Doctor had flashbacks of back when he had the face with the ears, fondling a half-naked, equally drunk Rose Tyler, all while Jack kissed him. They were deep, passionate kisses with a great deal of tongue. There was some moaning going on, too. He wasn't sure which one of them unzipped his jeans. It was a bit of a blur after that. When he woke up several hours later with a really bad hangover, his jeans were still on but his zipper was still open and he was spooning Rose while being spooned by Jack. Rose was wearing her knickers and his jumper and Jack was wearing trousers and nothing else. The Doctor shook his head. "Still doesn't count."

　

"If you say so." Jack said with a shrug. He then asked, "So, Doc, what are you making?"

　

"I'm going to have a salad and the rest of the sushi I made for lunch." the Doctor said as he got up to look in the refrigerator. He searched for a while and asked, "Where's the sushi?"

　

"I ate it." Jack replied.

　

"You ate my sushi?!" the Doctor yelled.

　

"Pregnant people aren't supposed to have sushi anyway." Jack said with a disarming grin.

　

"That's just a myth!" the Doctor groaned, facepalming.

　

"If it's any consolation, it was really, _really_ good sushi." Jack replied.

　

"Damn it, Harkness!" the Doctor sighed.

　

"Well, if you want, you can have the rest of my Algonian button-berry sorbet." the Captain offered.

　

"Damn it, Jack! You know I can't have that!" the Time Lord barked.

　

"Well, maybe you can savor my juicy sausage?" Jack offered.

　

This time, the Doctor threw an apple at him. It connected with the Captain's forehead, knocking him flat onto his ass. He rubbed his forehead and said, "Ow! I was referring to the leftover grilled knackwurst from yesterday, not my dick!"

　

The Doctor glared at him before returning to preparing the salad. Bloody Harkness.

　

　

**2\. I Hate It When My Clothes Don't Fit**

　

_Week 38_

　

The Doctor was not happy. His favorite clothes did not fit. His boots did not fit, so he was forced to wear hideous flip-flops. Said flip flops showed his feet, which were almost too pale to be safely viewed with the naked human eye. The TARDIS didn't seem to have any clothes that were appropriate, either. This was a serious pain in the arse. That was why the Doctor was in the 51st century with Clara in a pregnancy, babies, and children store on Belcus IV. "I hate it here!" the Time Lord groaned.

　

"Well, you need to get new clothes." Clara replied.

　

"Where the hell am I supposed to find men's pregnancy clothes anyway?" the Doctor groused.

　

Clara's gaze swept across the clothing section before spotting it. "There." she said, pointing at an area marked 'Manternity'.

　

The two of them headed to that area of the store and began to peruse the goods. Clara held up a heather grey T-shirt. "How about this?" she asked.

　

The Doctor took a quick look at it. It had the 'Intel Inside' logo on it, only it was 'Baby Inside'. The pregnant Time Lord furrowed his brows and said, "I am _not_ wearing that."

　

"It's cute, though!" Clara said with a grin.

　

"It's not _cute_." the Doctor groused. "It's stupid."

　

"Whatever." Clara rolled her eyes. "I'll find something else."

　

The two continued browsing before the impossible girl found something else. It was a white T-shirt with a teacup and the words 'Daddy Needs a Cuppa' on it. "What do you think?" Clara asked.

　

The Doctor contemplated it for a moment before he said, "Put it on the 'maybe' pile."

　

Clara placed the t-shirt in the trolley before she continued her search. She found another T-shirt and held it up. It was heather grey and in bold, black print, it read, 'DON'T EAT WATERMELON SEEDS'. The Doctor glared at his partner and said, "No. Just no."

　

Clara shrugged and put the shirt back. She pulled out another T-shirt. Like the last one, it was grey. In cursive font, it read, 'The Baby Made Me Eat It'. "You are definitely getting this one." the petite brunette said with a grin.

　

"It's stupid!" the Doctor complained.

　

"It's also true." Clara replied, smirking. "So we're getting it."

　

With a victorious smirk, Clara placed the T-shirt in the trolley. She then spotted something else and got it out. It was a baby blue T-shirt with 'First Time Daddy' printed on it, along with a pair of baby foot prints on the part that would go over his belly. "We are not getting that." the Doctor said. "First of all, it looks stupid. Secondly, this is not our first child."

　

"Point taken." Clara replied. She then retrieved a black T-shirt with the Death Star on the belly, above which were the words, 'That's No Moon'. The Doctor actually snorted in amusement at this. "Put it in the trolley." he said, sounding slightly amused. "We're getting that one."

　

Next, there was a black T-shirt. On the belly, printed in white, were the words, 'Touch The Belly... Lose The Hand'. The Doctor nodded and said, "That one, too."

　

Next came a blue T-shirt with a loading circle-arrow and the word 'Baby Girl Loading...'. The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "Put it on the 'maybe' pile."

　

This time, the Doctor spotted a T-shirt. It was a brown one with the words 'I Miss Whiskey' on it. "We are definitely getting this one." he said firmly.

　

Clara groaned, "Fiiiine!" and put it in the trolley. She then saw a T-shirt that she had to show the Doctor. It was white with a football depicted on the belly. "What do you think?"

　

"No." the Time Lord said firmly.

　

Clara showed him another T-shirt, a white one with the words 'Does This Shirt Make Me Look Pregnant?' on it. "That's a definite no." the Time Lord said with a frown.

　

"Oh, you're no fun." Clara pouted.

　

The Doctor spotted a blue T-shirt that had a cute chibi bear and the words 'Papa Bear' on it. He quickly hid it before his partner could see it. Clara did, however, spot a blue T-shirt. It was one of those 'keep calm' meme type things. It read, 'I Can't Keep Calm, I'm Having A Baby'. The Doctor sighed and asked, "Are you going to make me get that anyway?"

　

"Yep!" Clara replied cheerfully as she put the T-shirt in the trolley.

　

Next came a three-quarters sleeve T-shirt with 'Home Sweet Dad' on it. The Doctor immediately said, "Not that one!"

　

The Time Lord spotted another T-shirt that he liked. It was black with the words 'Spoiler Alert: I'm Pregnant' on it. He and his partner both shared a grin as he put it in the trolley.

　

The third shirt that the Doctor picked out was grey and read in cursive writing, 'If You Didn't Put It There, Don't Touch'. He quickly put it in the trolley.

　

Next came a series of plain, black hoodies that the Doctor insisted on getting. Clara noticed how full the trolley was getting and said, "All right, I think we should get you some trousers."

　

The Doctor nodded and said, "I do need new trousers. These are the only ones that fit, and just barely."

　

oooooooooooooooooo

　

After an extensive search and much clothing gathered, the Doctor headed over to the changing rooms. He tried on all the T-shirts first. He decided to keep the 'Daddy Needs A Cuppa' shirt, the 'That's No Moon' shirt, the 'Touch The Belly... Lose The Hand' shirt, the 'Baby Girl Loading' shirt, the 'I Miss Whiskey' shirt, the 'I Can't Keep Calm, I'm Having A Baby' shirt, the 'Spoiler Alert: I'm Pregnant' shirt, and the 'If You Didn't Put It There, Don't Touch' shirt. He tried on eight pairs of trousers and only five pairs fit. He also tried on five pairs of jeans and only three fit. Next, he tried on ten pairs of boxer shorts. Seven of them fit. At least he had enough clothes for a week.

　

The Time Lord brought the clothes out and placed the clothes that didn't fit on the counter. He placed the clothes that did fit in the trolley. "What's next?" he asked.

　

"Well, we need to find you some new shoes and socks." Clara replied.

　

"Boots." the Doctor corrected. "Definitely boots. Also socks."

　

They headed to the place where they could find socks. The Doctor, of course, picked out an eight-pack with varying prints on each pair of socks. One pair was dark blue and had rocket ships on it, one pair depicted the painting _The Starry Night_ by his old pal, Vincent Van Gogh, one pair was yellow with red question marks on it, one pair was white with little bananas, one pair was grey with yellow exclamation points on it, One pair was black with stars and green saucer-type 'UFOs' on it, one pair was rainbow-print, and one pair was tan with sunflowers on it. If the Doctor was correct in calculating his size, they should fit comfortably.

　

A few hours and a couple pairs of Doc Martens later, the Doctor and Clara were ready to head home. Clara, of course, was carrying the bags. She seemed to be struggling under the weight of the many clothes she had bought, as well a couple bulk packs of nappies. The Doctor looked at her with a raised brow and asked, "Do you need me to carry some of that stuff?"

　

Clara forced a grin and said, "I'm good."

　

"Are you sure?" the Time Lord asked.

　

"Totally sure." the petite brunette replied. "Besides, you shouldn't be carrying heavy loads. You're pregnant."

　

"Clara, that's nonsense. You know that I'm much stronger than you are." the Doctor said with a frown.

　

"In any case, let's get back to the TARDIS." Clara said, adjusting her grip on the bags to try to carry them better.

　

"At least I have clothes now." the Doctor said with a smile. "My trousers were getting a bit tight."

　

"Yeah, I know how that works." Clara said. "It's too bad that in a week, those trousers will be too small again."

　

"Damn it!"

　

　

**3\. I Hate It When My Belly Gets In The Way**

　

After a long day of shopping, the Doctor was feeling kind of sore. He decided that a hot shower was in order to sooth his aches. First, he helped Clara bring the clothes to their bedroom. Then, he headed into the bathroom. Typical to this stage of pregnancy, he had to wee. He headed over to the lavatory and lifted the seat up. He then unzipped his trousers and pulled down his underpants a bit to get his cock out. It was very difficult aiming at the bowl because he couldn't see his penis. He hadn't been able to in months, no thanks to his massive baby bump. Fortunately, he managed to get most of his urine in the bowl of the porcelain throne. A few shakes, pull the pants and trousers up, flush the toilet, and wash the hands. Done.

　

The Doctor heard the taps to the bath tub turn on. He looked to see it filling with water. He grabbed a container of bubble bath goo and poured some into the water, filling the room with the scent of vanilla and lavender. While the tub filled up, the Doctor began to disrobe. First came his boots. It was a nightmare to untie them because it was extremely difficult to maneuver himself so he could remove them. His belly was just too big. He struggled to remove the rest of his clothes, but he managed. He took a sideways glance at the mirror. He gazed at his reflection. He rested his hands on his bump and thought that, though he did not regret this pregnancy, he looked forward to the day where his body was no longer going fun house mirror on him. When he heard the taps turn off, he knew that the tub was full to the perfect level. He made his way over to the tub and carefully lowered himself into the perfectly warm water. Again, his belly made things difficult, but once he was in there, he let out a contented sigh. A nice soak for an hour or so would be exactly what the Doctor ordered, he thought with a humorous smile.

　

Eventually, the water began to cool and the bubbles subsided. The Doctor decided that now would be the time to wash himself. Just as it was difficult to urinate because he couldn't see his cock, it was also difficult to wash his groin. Washing anything else below his waist was difficult, too. His hair was fairly easy to wash. Just shampoo, dunk, condition, and dunk again. Now came the really hard part: getting out of the tub. He tried several times, but he just couldn't. "Should have taken a shower." the Doctor grumbled. He then shouted, "Clara!"

　

Clara quickly ran into the bathroom. "What's wrong?" she asked, appearing very concerned.

　

"I..." the Doctor hesitated before awkwardly continuing, "I'm having trouble getting out of the tub."

　

"Oh, thank god." Clara said with a sigh of relief. "I thought you might have been in trouble!"

　

"Well, I'm not in trouble." the Doctor said tersely. "I just need help getting out of this damn bath tub."

　

Clara smiled and headed over. It was difficult due to their height differences, but eventually she managed to get him out of the tub. Despite the Time Lord's protests, the petite human insisted on helping him dry himself off with a towel. The two then headed to the bedroom. The Doctor headed over to his dresser and got out a pair of pajamas, TARDIS blue satin with gold question marks. He managed to put them on without much of a struggle. He then got in bed to sleep. Clara, of course, laid down behind him. She let out a contented sigh and put her arm over him. The Doctor frowned. "Clara?"

　

"What is it, Doctor?"

　

"I want to be the big spoon again."

　

　

**4\. I Hate Surprises**

　

_Week 39_

　

The Doctor had to admit that he was relieved. He had managed to avoid a pointless baby shower so far. He didn't want to deal with people touching him, offering him unwanted parenting advice, and potentially bringing their rude, screaming, unvaccinated children to possibly infect him with some sort of pregnancy-damaging disease. Well, he didn't know a lot of people with children, so that was a relief. He noticed Clara walking in with an upset look on her face. "What is it this time?" the Doctor asked.

　

"The toaster won't accept my bread." Clara said with a frown. "It just keeps spitting it out and screaming anti-Semitic slurs."

　

"Again?" the Doctor groaned. He stood up with a sigh. "I'll go fix it."

　

He headed into the galley with Clara in tow. The moment he entered, there was a shout of, "SURPRISE!"

　

The Doctor almost pissed his pants. He saw Jack Harkness, Amelia Hernandez, Pavarti Patil, and John there. There was a banner hanging up that read, 'Baby Shower'. The Doctor glared at Clara and said, "I told you, I didn't want a baby shower!"

　

"You also said that you don't like hugs and you do." Clara said with a shrug. "I thought that you were just being grumpy again."

　

"Come on, Doc!" Jack said with a grin. "It's a party. Who doesn't enjoy a party?"

　

"Amelia made tres leches cake." Pavarti added.

　

Amelia put her arm over her wife's shoulder and said, "I couldn't have done it without you."

　

The neurologist shrugged and said, "I just mixed the cake batter. You did most of the work."

　

"It's almost as sweet as you!" Amelia booped her wife on the nose with the tip of her index finger.

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "You two are going to give me diabetes if you keep that up."

　

"Sorry, Doctor." Pavarti said sheepishly.

　

"Just stay a while, at least." John suggested. "There won't be any dumb games or anything. Just cake, music, and presents."

　

The Doctor's scowl slowly curved into a small smile. "Oh, who am I kidding?" he sighed melodramatically. "You had me at 'cake'."

　

Amelia opened her violin case and got out her violin and bow. "In that case," she said, "let's get this party started!"

　

With that said, she began to play a cheerful, up-beat tune. He had to admit, the American was good. Before long, Jack was twirling Pavarti about on the impromptu dance floor. It was, of course, completely innocent because he knew that she would never be interested in him. She was happily married in a monogamous relationship and he had something that she didn't want: a penis. Still, they looked like they were having fun. Clara held out her hand to the Time Lord and asked, "Doctor, may I have this dance?"

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "Sure."

　

The two then began to dance to the beat of Amelia's song. The music went on for a while before Pavarti decided that it was time for a break. "Okay, time for cake and presents!" Jack said cheerfully.

　

The group sat at the table, which didn't have a huge amount of presents, but there were some. From the Patil-Hernandez family, he got a bottle cleaner, a dozen bottles, and a baby food blender. From Jack, he got a pram and a set for putting together a cot. Clara got him a baby book. When it came time to hand out John's present, the boy seemed awkward. He held out a roughly-wrapped gift and said, "It's not that impressive, but I made it myself."

　

The Doctor smiled comfortingly at his son and began to unwrap it. When he saw what it was, he had to fight back tears. It was a baby blanket with stars, galaxies, and little TARDISes on it. He cleared his throat and said, "It's wonderful."

　

When they were done, Pavarti got the cake out and sliced it, serving pieces to everyone. Amelia got out a bottle of sparkling apple cider. "Here," She poured the Doctor a glass. "Since you can't have champagne."

　

"Thanks." the Doctor snarked. "I'll try not to go on a bender."

　

Amelia just rolled her eyes. When the Doctor took a bite of the cake, his eyes lit up. "Gods, it's like there's an orgy in my mouth! Minus the rug burn on my face and arse, that is."

　

"I'll take that as a compliment." Amelia rolled her eyes once more. She smiled at him and said, "So, surprise baby shower, not so bad now?"

　

"Not so bad." the Doctor confirmed. "Surprises aren't so bad as long as there's cake."


	14. Chapter 13- Feature from the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! It's me again. Recently, mimzymont963 posted a review of this story on ff.net that really made my morning. Until now, it never really hit me how devoted my fans are. I figured that I owed all of my wonderful fans another chapter. Unexpected might not be the story it is without you guys and I'm always open for requests and prompts for future stories, probably oneshots.

Chapter 13: Feature from the Future

　

Week 39

　

Relative to Clara's time, it had been about three days since the Doctor's surprise baby shower. He currently needed a bit of space, though. That was why he was wandering around a small, peaceful village on Ophelia Prime. Clara was back in the TARDIS, hanging around in the spacious park that had extremely friendly, cat-sized flying squirrels that breathed fire when cornered by predators. He had no reason to worry because the rodents absolutely adored his partner. That was why the Doctor could calmly lounge about at the local café with a cup of caffeine-free tea and a lovely croissant. Yes, it was a beautiful day with a calm ambiance that even he could enjoy. For once in a very long while, he felt like nothing could ruin this day. That was, until the ambiance was ruined by a raspy, nasally voice shouting out, "Doctor!"

　

The Time Lord turned to see a taupe-skinned alien pointing a gun at him. "I am Vurkin!" the alien shouted.

　

"Good for you." the Doctor replied. "Now put that gun down and let me enjoy my tea and croissant."

　

"It is your fault that my cousins, Varrin and Velron, are in prison!" Vurkin barked.

　

"Blame the local law enforcement, not me." the Doctor said, rolling his eyes.

　

"No!" Vukin snapped. "It was _you_! You and your life-mate!"

　

"If you keep at this, you're going to ruin my afternoon." the Doctor said with a sigh. "You _really_ don't want to ruin my afternoon."

　

"You will see how it feels to be forever imprisoned!" Vurkin threatened. "I _will_ capture you!"

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "You and what army?"

　

Suddenly, at least twenty aliens that looked similar to Vurkin stepped out of hiding. "This army." Vurkin smugly replied. "Meet the Vookin family, Doctor!"

　

The Doctor drew his sonic screwdriver, but suddenly he felt the end of the barrel of a gun against his belly. "You really don't want to do that." One of the Vookin said threateningly.

　

Vurkin twirled his gun and said, "Give your device to Vivin. He has no qualms about pulling the trigger. It probably won't kill you, but I think you know what it _will_ harm."

　

The Doctor heard Vivin cock his gun. He knew that he could not try to escape now without putting his child in danger. Left with little choice, he dropped his sonic screwdriver on the ground. Another Vookin retrieved and pocketed it. Vurkin pulled out a device and pressed a button on it. It made a sound similar to a car chirping and moments later, a ship lowered to the ground and opened its doors, releasing a ramp to the ground. With well over a dozen guns pointed at him, many of them trained on his belly, the Time Lord allowed himself to be led onto the ship. Not long afterwards, he could feel the ship taking off. The Vookin led him to the brig, where they non too gently tossed him into a cell. A force field came up, preventing him from escaping even with his considerable strength. He sat down on the bench inside, and began to work on coming up with a plan. After about an hour, he had finally come up with the basics for an escape plan. Suddenly, there was shouts of pain and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor. The door to the brig opened with a whoosh and in stepped a woman about his height. She had short-cropped, dark hair and wore black jeans, red chucks, a T-shirt with emojis on it, and that oh-so-familiar black leather jacket that strongly reminded him of the one he used to wear in his Ninth incarnation. The woman's blue eyes met his and he recognized her immediately. "The Mechanic, I presume." The Doctor greeted her.

　

"Yep, it's me." the Mechanic replied with her typical generic New York accent. "They got you, too?"

　

"Obviously." the Doctor snorted. "How did you get out?"

　

"I used my bra's underwire to sabotage the locks." the Mechanic said as she drew what the Doctor recognized as her sonic multi-tool. "Step back. This might get a little bit sparky. Or explode-y."

　

The Doctor quickly stepped back. The Mechanic then activated her sonic multi-tool with a whirring sound and deactivated the force field. Some sparks flew into the cell, but they did not hit the Doctor. "Come on." the Mechanic said. "Let's go!"

　

With that said, she grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him along after her. When they exited the brig, the Doctor and the Mechanic had to step around some bodies on the ground, all with burnt hands. To the Time Lord's relief, they were merely unconscious. As they made their way through the ship, the Doctor became aware of just how large the ship was. He also noticed that the Mechanic was geting nervous. "Mechanic, please don't tell me that we're not lost!" the Time Lord groaned.

　

"We're not lost." the Mechanic replied. "We're temporarily displaced."

　

"We're lost, then." the Doctor said, irritation clear in his voice.

　

It was then that they both noticed a monitor on the wall. The Doctor accessed the monitor, searching for something until he quickly found it. On it was a map of the ship and a dot labeled, 'YOU ARE HERE'. The Mechanic grinned and said, "Okay, that helps."

　

She ran her fingers over the monitor before stopping. "Here." she pointed at something. "This is where we need to go: the shuttle bay."

　

The Doctor nodded and the duo continued down the corridors. The Time Lord, not for the first time, couldn't help but wonder just who the Mechanic was. He couldn't help but wonder _what_ she was. When they finally reached the shuttle bay, they both immediately spotted a shuttle that the Doctor knew to be built for distance and speed. "This one will work." the Time Lord stated.

　

"Right." the Mechanic said with a manic grin.

　

The two then headed into the shuttle. The Mechanic, to the Doctor's annoyance, took the pilot's seat before he had a chance to. "Normally _I_ get to be the pilot." the Time Lord said, his voice rife with annoyance.

　

"Well, you snooze, you lose, old man." the Mechanic replied in her generic New York accent. "Now sit down."

　

The Doctor reluctantly sat down in the seat next to the pilot's. The American-sounding woman then cracked her knuckles loudly before activating the controls. The ship jolted shifting the Doctor's position a little. "Don't you know how to fly this thing, Mechanic?" he snapped.

　

"It'll come back to me." the Mechanic said with slight awkwardness. She tried again and the ship lifted off smoothly. "Okay, shuttle bay doors activated!"

　

The shuttle bay doors opened and the shuttle shot out, escaping into space. They didn't get very far before the shuttle jolted again. "Craaap!" the Mechanic groaned. "They're shooting at us!"

　

"Oh, that wasn't obvious _at all_." the Doctor snarked.

　

"Enough with the sarcasm and let me fly this thing!" the Mechanic snapped.

　

They flew off again, but the Vookin ship chased them and fired at them again. Eventually, a shot hit. The Doctor looked at the monitor and said, "Shields at eighty percent!"

　

"I can see that, Doctor!" the Mechanic hissed.

　

"Make it go faster!" the Doctor ordered.

　

"Give me a minute!" the Mechanic replied angrily. "You should know as well as I do that it takes a little while for this baby's hyper-drive to warm up!"

　

They were hit again and the Doctor almost bashed his head into the dashboard. "Shields at seventy percent!" he exclaimed.

　

"Damn it!" the Mechanic hissed. "Open the hyper-drive, damn you!"

　

They were hit again, this time sending the Doctor flying sideways out of his seat and landed so his face was in the Mechanic's chest. The American-sounding woman let out a shout of disgust and shoved him away. However, when the Time Lord's head was towards her chest, he heard a rather distinguishing quality about her heartbeat. When he got back into his seat, the Doctor couldn't help but gape at the Mechanic. "You're a-" he gasped as he buckled himself into the restraints.

  
"Yeah, I am." the Mechanic replied. "Well, sort of."

　

"Who _are_ you?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Answers can wait until later!" the mysterious woman who called herself the Mechanic said harshly. She looked at the console. "Yes! Hyper-drive!"

　

Without another thought, the Mechanic activated the hyper-drive and was flung back into her seat. As they hurtled through space at far over light-speed, the woman cheered, "Aw, yeah, baby!"

　

The Doctor clutched the arm wrests of his seat, exhilaration filling every bit of his body. After about a minute, the hyper-drive deactivated. The Doctor was safely restrained and he and the fetus he carried within him were both protected, but the inertial dampeners on the Mechanic's side of the shuttle malfunctioned just enough for the unrestrained woman to lurch forward, the controllers colliding with her abdomen. It was a very hard hit, the kind that would certainly give her internal organs a good rattle. She pulled aside her sleeve and pressed a spot on her arm and a screen popped up. She accessed the screen and pressed a few buttons. "Just checking our location." The Mechanic explained.

　

Suddenly, there was the sound of the TARDIS materializing in side the shuttle, in an area where there was enough room for it. "Wow!" the Mechanic said. "It's amazing that your ship found you here!"

　

The Doctor couldn't help but smile and say, "Yes, she is pretty amazing."

　

"All right." the Mechanic said. "Off you go, then. I'll be fine."

　

The Doctor nodded and headed into the TARDIS He glanced back at the strange woman. "I'll be fine." she said. "I've got the shuttle, right? There's a habitable moon not far away."

　

The Doctor nodded once more and closed the door to his ship. As the TARDIS dematerialized, the Time Lord couldn't help but wonder: just who was the Mechanic?

　

oooooooooooooooooo

　

The Mechanic, once the Doctor was gone, grimaced as she clutched her torso. She drew her sonic multi-tool and used it to scan herself. "Cursory scans indicate internal bleeding. I can probably survive that."

　

She scanned some more and when she saw the results, she frowned. "Traumatic aortic rupture, huh? I won't reach medical help in time."

　

She leaned back in her seat with a sigh and said, "Looks like I'm done for."

　

She breathed in and out, her eyes closed from the pain. After a while, she felt a familiar sensation running through her body. She opened her eyes and read the display on the console, indicating that the nearest friendly ship was ten minutes away. She then looked at her hands and let out a chuckle. "Well, looks like I'm going to make it after all." The Mechanic said, amusement clear in her voice. "Unfortunately, it seems that I'm probably going to have to change my style when this is over."

　

The American-sounding woman then smiled, closed her eyes, and waited.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

_Week 40_

　

Clara had been fussing over the Doctor ever since she found out about his capture. He had decided against telling her about the Mechanic, though. He probably wouldn't tell her at least until he had figured things out. The Doctor was not sure whether to be frustrated or happy about the superb foot massage that Clara was giving him. Still, he sat there in his hoodie, a pair of plaid trousers that actually fit, and his 'That's No Moon' manternity T-shirt. He was currently enjoying a plate of the strange Canadian dish known as poutine. Who knew that he would crave chips, cheese curds, and gravy? At least it wasn't surstromming again. If anything could get Clara to leave him, it would be surstromming tacos again. She probably wouldn't even if he did it again, but it was the only food that could potentially do the job. As for the poutine, well, it was something that the entire family could enjoy. Well, not Clara. She didn't care for it. John and Jack were in the common room eating some, though. If either of them spilled anything, the Doctor would be very cross with them. Did Jack count as family? Clara _had_ chosen Jack as John's honorary uncle. The Doctor knew that he would have to decide eventually whether or not the libidinous Boeshanite counted as a member of his little family or not.

　

Clara released the Time Lord's feet and said, "I need to take a break. Need anything else?"

　

"You've done enough already, Clara." the Doctor said awkwardly. "If I need something, I'll get it."

　

"Are you sure?" the impossible girl inquired.

　

"Positive." the Doctor replied.

　

From the common area, he heard Jack shout, "Only fools are positive!"

　

"Shut _up_ , Jack!" The Doctor shouted back.

　

"I'd like to see you try-y!" Jack called out in a sing-song voice.

　

"Harkness, I'm hormonal, I'm irritable, and I'm constantly hungry! Do _not_ mess with me!" the Time Lord shouted. "I _will_ throw you out the airlock!"

　

"Love you too, Doctor!" Jack shouted back.

　

The Doctor looked at Clara, who had an amused expression on her face. "What?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Nothing." Clara chuckled. "Nothing at all."

　

The Doctor huffed and said, "I could use some lemonade."

　

"I'll get some!" Clara offered.

　

" _Clara_!" the Doctor did not whine. Time Lords did not whine. "I'll get it myself!"

　

With that said, the Doctor set his plate down on the table and, with great effort, managed to haul himself to his feet. He headed over to the refrigerator, opened it, and withdrew a can of lemonade. It made a 'pssh' sound as he opened it. He brought it to his lips, tilted it back, and let the fizzy, lemony liquid flow over his taste buds. He then lowered the can with a contented sigh. He headed back to the table and sat down to enjoy his poutine with a can of lemonade.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

The Doctor woke up from his dad-recliner with a start to Jack singing _O Canada_ at the top of his lungs. The Time Lord glared at the human and said, "Harkness, what the hell is wrong with you?"

　

"It's Canada Day!" Jack said gleefully.

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "Jack, none of us are Canadian."

　

"Well, the part of the Boeshane Peninsula that I'm from is colloquially referred to as 'Little Canada'." Jack replied.

　

The Doctor noticed that Jack was wearing a Canadian flag T-shirt and rolled his eyes once more. "I am not getting involved with this." the Time Lord stated.

　

"You don't have to." Jack replied. "Though it would be nice if you did."

　

"If I do," the Doctor inquired, "What _horrors_ will I have to put up with?"

　

"Well, back home, there are outdoor activities like fireworks, concerts, barbecues, et cetera." Jack replied.

　

"I'm not going to a concert." the Doctor said tersely. "I can't deal with the smell."

　

"Come on, Canadians don't smell that bad." Jack said with a roll of his eyes.

　

"I am not spending the day surrounded by people who smell like maple syrup, Clamato, and ice hockey!" the Doctor said irritably.

　

"Doctor, Canadians don't smell like that!" Jack said with a groan. "That really is a horriffic stereotype and you should be ashamed of yourself."

　

"What do Canadians smell like?" The Doctor snarked. "Liberalism and kindness?"

　

"Canadians don't smell like that, either." Jack replied. "Canadians smell like liberalism and Canadian beer."

　

"I'm still not going." the Doctor huffed.

　

Jack rolled his eyes and said, "Fine. Just barbecue and fireworks, then."

　

"You are not setting off fireworks in the Tardis." the Doctor growled.

　

"Of course not!" Jack replied. "That's why I came in to charm you into taking me on a trip to New Ontario, home of the biggest Canada Day celebration in the universe!"

　

"Will it keep you out of trouble?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Of course." Jack replied. "I'm always on my best behavior on Canada Day."

　

"I'm not taking you somewhere only for you to disappear with the nearest attractive stranger." the Doctor said with a frown.

　

"Ah, that's where you're wrong!" Jack replied, wagging his finger. "Today, my heart only belongs to Canada!"

　

"Have you ever actually been to Canada?" the Doctor asked.

　

"Once. I think." Jack said, a contemplative look on his face. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that I was there." He looked directly at the Doctor and said in a serious tone, "Never mix cough medicine and hypervodka, Doctor. It messes with your mind."

　

"Now I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know." the Doctor said, trying not to imagine what might have happened while Jack was in Canada. He thought about it for a moment before finally deciding. "All right, I'll take you to New Ontario. If you get arrested, I'm not bailing you out."

　

"I'll be on your best behavior." Jack said with a grin. "You can count on it!"

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

That, of course, was how the Doctor found himself at a scenic park on New Ontario, reading a book about the history of the meat industry in the Barbacus system while Jack whistled merrily and flipped burgers on charcoal grill. The Time Lord looked up from his book and said, "You know that this isn't barbecuing, right? It's grilling."

　

Jack waved his hand dismissively and said, "Semantics!"

　

"It's not semantics." the Doctor argued. "Grilling and barbecue are two completely different methods of cooking."

　

"Right. Whatever." Jack replied. "You haven't lived until you've had Captain Jack's Spicy Beeftastic Megaburgers."

　

"If they're so good, why haven't you made them before?" The Doctor asked.

　

"You've never asked." Jack replied with a shrug. "Anyway, imagine it- a half a kilogram of beef, grilled over charcoal and served with every topping imaginable!"

　

"That sort of artery-clogging thing sounds more American than Canadian." the Time Lord remarked.

　

"Well, it was made by Americans, for Canadians." Jack said with a grin.

　

"I refuse to eat it!" The Doctor insisted

　

Of course, in the end, he did eat it and he liked it. He liked it so much that he had four of them, which he chased down with a few non-alcholic drinks. Jack did manage to convince the Doctor to attend a concert and he was right about Canadians smelling like liberalism and Canadian beer. The Time Lord still swore that he caught a whiff of essence of ice hockey, though. Eventually, it was evening. Once it was dark, the fireworks came out. Jack took a swig of his beer and said, "Not bad for your first and probably last Canada Day, right, Doc?"

　

"It's not bad." the Doctor said dismissively. "But you're right, I won't be doing it again."

　

"Well, at least it was fun." Jack replied.

　

"I still don't know why you wanted me to attend this with you." The Time Lord huffed.

 

The Doctor felt his hearts warming slightly when Jack replied, "You're family, Doc."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it isn't Canada Day, but this idea came to mind and I had to use it. This chapter is a bit short, but I think that it's as good as I can get it. As for the Mechanic's fate, I tried to leave what happened to her somewhat ambiguous and open-ended.


	15. Chapter 14: A Blast From the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Doctor wants to kick his own ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! It's me again. It's hard to believe that I've reached 14 chapters. So far, this has been the longest story that I've ever written. As you know, I've been trying to stretch it out so it will be even longer. I hope to get to 20 chapters. This specific chapter was my older brother's idea. He's never really suggested anything for my stories, so I decided that I owe it to him to try to write it. I've had a bit of help from a few friends to come up with some ideas for this chapter. I really hope that I'm doing a good job. That said, I present chapter 14 of Unexpected.

_Week 41_

　

Amelia Hernandez was quite frustrated with the whole thing involving the Doctor and Clara. Well, specifically the Doctor's pregnancy. If he wasn't annoying before, he was a severe pain in the ass now. Adding to that was the fact that this week, he had been ignoring Clara after an argument they'd had. To be frank, Amelia was sick and tired of seeing Clara so upset. The Doctor didn't know it, but John had given her his number. It took all of the American's willpower not to call him and chew him out. However, after an ungodly amount of tequila, her inhibitions had been loosened and she was about to do something that the Doctor had once done: she was going to drunk dial him. She tried to remember all of the digits and quickly entered them into her mobile before calling. After a few rings, someone answered, "Hello, this is the Doc-"

　

"Don't you 'hello' me!" Amelia snapped. "You know why I'm calling. I'm sick and tired of you two ignoring each other because of some stupid fight. God, it would be nice if there was some kind of flash cards that you could use to remember to not act like this!"

　

"What are you talking about?" the male voice asked, sounding rather cross.

　

"Your argument with her, that's what!" Amelia snapped. "I don't know what you said, but if you don't apologize to her, I will fill your ship with _peras_! You'd better be back tomorrow to apologize, _hijo de puta_! You don't deserve that baby!"

　

Not giving the damn alien a time to respond, the 41-year-old ended the call. " _Pendejo_." she grumbled under her breath before heading over to watch the television. That, of course, was where she fell asleep about a half an hour later.

　

ooooooooooooooooooo

　

The Doctor was rather occupied with updating a few of the timey-wimey bits of the TARDIS when he heard the door open. He looked around to see Amelia, who seemed rather weary. He looked up and said, "Damn it, why did you let Cricket Bat Woman in?"

　

"Don't start this." Amelia groaned. "It's already bad enough that I drunk dialed you."

　

"What are you talking about?" the Doctor asked. "You never drunk dialed me."

　

"Who the hell did I call, then?" the Mexican-American asked. "It sure wasn't Clara, Jack, or John. Dear god, I hope it wasn't John. I may have said some nasty things."

　

"You didn't call John, either." the Time Lord replied. "If you did, I doubt that my ship would have let you in."

　

"Whatever." Amelia sighed. "I'm just heading to the damn galley to see if you have any coffee."

　

"Third cupboard from the stove, second shelf from the top. I've never tried it, but Jack does and sometimes Clara does. It's 'autumn spice' flavored."

　

"I don't care as long as it'll do the job." Amelia grumbled.

　

"Why can't you just get your own coffee?" the Doctor asked.

　

"I'm out." Amelia replied. "Besides, if I don't seal the container, the smell will bug Pavarti. She'll ride my ass about it, and not in a good way."

　

"I didn't need to know that!" the Doctor groaned. "Just go to the galley so I can get that image out of my head!"

　

"Normally I'd be angry that you pictured my wife naked, but knowing that I've mentally scarred you makes it worth it." Amelia said cheekily.

　

"Shut up, Hernandez."

　

Amelia flashed him a friendly but very rude hand gesture before heading off to the galley. About ten minutes later, she returned with an autumn spice latte for herself and a glass with something green in it. Immediately, the scent of bananas filled his nose, along with the aroma of something familiar that he couldn't quite identify. When the woman held it out to him, the Doctor took it and asked, "What is it?"

　

"It's a matcha banana latte." Amelia replied. "Try it. I saw a recipe written down and I figured, what the hell? Why not?"

　

The Doctor took a sip and discovered that he liked it. "Well," Amelia said. "I'm heading outside to enjoy my latte. Feel free to join me if you like. Hopefully we won't kill each other."

　

The Doctor snorted and said, "Fine. I could use a break anyway."

　

With that said, the two headed out of the TARDIS. They stood there, talking about various subjects. "I'm serious." Amelia said, fifteen minutes into the conversation. "I really can play a cover of _Iron Man_ on my violin."

　

"Yeah, rignt." the Doctor replied. "I'll see it when I believe it."

"Oh, I'll show you." Amelia promised. "Though knowing your family, at least one of us is probably going to want us to play it together."

　

"Bring it on, Hernandez." the Doctor said with a wicked grin.

　

oooooooooooooo

　

Six hours later, the Doctor and Amelia were in the music room of the TARDIS with John, Pavarti, Clara, and Jack as an audience. The Doctor was playing the opening riff of _Iron Man_ and shot the American expat a smug look. Amelia rolled her eyes and got her violin out of its case. Expertly drawing her bow across the strings, she joined in and proved that she could indeed play _Iron Man_ on her violin. The two instruments blended very well in an impressive duet. Though she was only human, it was immediately clear that Amelia was indeed a master of her craft. When the song was done, the Time Lord turned to the professional violinist and asked, "How long have you been playing the violin?"

　

"I started getting lessons when I was eight." Amelia replied.

　

"So about fifty-two years, then." the Doctor said affirmatively.

　

'Thirty-three years." Amelia said tersely. "I'm forty-one years old."

　

"He often gets people's ages wrong." Clara said, rolling her eyes. "He's been getting my age wrong for years."

　

"I do not!" the Doctor huffed.

　

"Last week, you said that I was fifty-seven." Clara deadpanned. "I'm thirty-nine."

　

"Right." Amelia said with a frown. "I'm just going to go outside for a breath of air. I'll come back when I'm slightly less annoyed with you."

　

With that said, the violinist left the TARDIS.

　

ooooooooooo

　

About twenty minutes later, Amelia decided that she was ready to forgive the Doctor. However, just as she was about to head knock on the door to ask the ship to let her in, she heard a groaning, grinding noise. She turned around to see another TARDIS materialize. The door was flung open and smoke poured out. An older man stepped out, coughing. "Fans on!" he wheezed.

　

"What the fu-" Amelia blurted, only to be interrupted.

　

"Language, young lady!" the man scolded. "Honestly, it's disheartening to hear such vulgarity coming from a woman."

　

"Who do you think you are?" Amelia said with a scowl, folding her arms over her chest.

　

"I am the Doctor." the man replied.

　

"You can't be the Doctor." Amelia said, her scowl deepening. "The Doctor is inside and he looks completely different."

　

"I didn't want to regenerate." the Annoying Doctor said with a frown.

　

Suddenly, the door to the Doctor's TARDIS opened. The curly-haired Time Lord stepped out and said, "Hernandez, you'd better get in before Simon poos in your violin ca- oh fuck." He noticed the other Doctor.

　

"Language, young man!" the other Doctor scolded.

　

"Doctor, who is this man?" Amelia asked.

　

"He's, well..." the Doctor said awkwardly. "He's my first face. I didn't tell you about regeneration. When Time Lords die, we regeneratie into a slightly different person."

　

"All right, then," Amelia replied before asking, "Which body are you on?"

　

"My twelfth." the guitar-loving Doctor replied.

　

"You're my twelfth face?" the First Doctor said, aghast. "Even I can't be that reckless!"

　

"Yes, well, get used to it eventually." the Twelfth Doctor replied. "Actually, don't get used to it. You'll forget this all when you leave."

　

"Believe me, I'd rather not be around you." the First Doctor said. "If you've influenced this poor, delicate creature with your vulgar language, I'd prefer to leave soon."

　

The Twelft Doctor couldn't help but break out into laughter. "Delicate creature!" he wheezed. "Hernandez, he called you a _delicate creature_!"

　

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear either of you." Amelia said with a frown. She then took a better look at the First Doctor's TARDIS and said, "Your ship is small."

　

"My TARDIS is not _small_." the First Doctor replied. "My future counterpart's TARDIS has _expanded_."

　

"If you don't like it, leave." the Twelfth Doctor suggested.

　

"Believe me, I would rather leave." the First Doctor replied. "Unfortunately, my TARDIS seems to have broken down after travelling through an exceptionally difficult take-off."

　

The door to the Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS opened and Pavarti stuck her head out. She noticed the First Doctor and asked, "Who's your friend?"

　

"He's another version of the Doctor." Amelia explained. "His TARDIS is acting up."

　

"Oh." Pavarti said. She then smiled at the First Doctor and asked, "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

　

"Pavarti, what did I say about inviting strangers into my TARDIS?" the Twelfth Doctor groaned.

　

"Absolutely nothing." Pavarti replied. No such situation has ever come up. "Besides, he's not a stranger. He's you." She turned to the First Doctor. "So, how about it? Your TARDIS won't work and there's no crisis that can't be solved by a cup of tea."

　

"Tea does sound lovely." the First Doctor said with a smile.

　

"Tea it is." Pavarti said with a nod.

　

The group, after much protesting from the Twelfth Doctor, headed into the Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS. While she was putting the kettle on the stove, Pavarti asked, "So, Other Doctor, is there anything we should know?"

　

"He's redecorated." the First Doctor said with a frown. "I don't like it."

　

"Get used to it." the Twelfth Doctor said tersely. "Never mind. Don't get used to it. You won't get used to it until centuries after your current timeline."

　

"Well, if it weren't for your recklessness, I wouldn't have chosen to come here." the First Doctor said. "Not only have you gained a lot of weight due to your clearly poor diet, I've also been informed that you impregnated someone."

　

Amelia and Pavarti stared at him for a moment before the Mexican-descended woman burst out into laughter. "What's so funny?" the First Doctor asked. "This is serious." He looked at the Twelfth Doctor. "I can't believe that I'll eventually become you. I refuse to believe that I will become someone who engages in such behavior as _intercourse_!"

　

"Sorry, Old Man, but the 'impregnating someone else' happened ages ago." Amelia explained. "I mean, it happened not that long ago timeline-wise, but _someone else_ is carrying the pregnancy."

　

The First Doctor thought about it briefly before coming to a conclusion. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" he scolded. "Forcing a _married woman_ to carry your child!"

　

"Wait, what?" Amelia and Pavarti blurted at the same time.

　

"Clearly young Miss Pavarti is in the family way." the FIrst Doctor said. "I can tell from her figure. It's also hard to miss her wedding ring."

　

"What is that supposed to mean?" Pavarti demanded.

　

"Don't say that!" the Twelfth Doctor groaned.

　

"Pavarti is _not_ pregnant!" Amelia scowled. "If she was, I'd be the first one to know!"

　

"I would hope that your husband would be the first to know." the First Doctor said with a frown, not noticing as another stranger, Jack Harkness, walked in.

　

"Who's the stranger?" Jack asked.

　

"He's another version of the Doctor." Amelia replied, scowling. "He thinks that we're married to _men_."

　

"Right." Jack said. He then turned to the First Doctor and explained, "Amelia and Pavarti like to play on each other's lawns."

　

"Hopefully after their husbands have kept them trimmed." the First Doctor said.

　

"No, that's not what I mean." Jack tried to explain. "They like to clean each other's carpets."

　

"Hopefully not on my TARDIS." the Twelfth Doctor said with a frown.

　

"Oh, yes they have. I've heard them." Jack said with a grin.

　

"Obviously not often enough." the First Doctor said haughtily. "I've seen the dust here."

　

Jack was still trying to explain. "What I'm saying is that Pavarti likes to season Amelia's tuna."

　

"Tuna actually sounds good." the First Doctor replied as Pavarti removed the kettle from the stove. "I think I would like to sample Amelia's tuna."

　

"So would I, but I don't think Pavarti would let me." Jack joked.

　

"You're damn right she wouldn't." Amelia confirmed.

　

"Language!" The First Doctor scolded.

　

Pavarti turned away, trying not to think violent thoughts about Annoying Doctor. While she was doing this, she started steeping some tea for everyone. "I hope you don't use that sort of language too much, young lady!" the First Doctor continued to scold Amelia. "If you use that sort of language too often, you're liable to get a good smack."

　

"Don't say that!" the Twelfth Doctor groaned.

　

"Doctor, Jack, I think you need to hold me back now!" Amelia snarled.

　

Jack grabbed the American by the arm and said, "Just let it go, Amelia. It's not worth it."

　

Amelia turned to look at her Doctor and asked, "It's technically not murder if he regenerates, right?"

　

"Young lady!" the First Doctor gasped.

　

"You can't." the Twelfth Doctor said with a sad smile. "It is for, for lack of a better word, a timey-wimey issue."

　

"Timey-wimey?" the First Doctor questioned. "Once again, you fill me with disbelief that I'll eventually turn into you."

　

"OKAY!" Pavarti anounced. "The tea is ready. Would anyone like some of those biscuits from the other day?"

　

"Good biscuits, I hope." the First Doctor replied

　

"Very good." Pavarti said as she gave everyone their tea and got out the biscuits that Jack had made the other day.

　

The group rather enjoyed the biscuits and the tea. With a smile on his face, the First Doctor turned to the Twelfth Doctor and said with a smug look on his face, "Pavarti's biscuits are not unimpressive. As you can see, I was right about the TARDIS needing a woman's touch."

　

"You really shouldn't say that." the Twelfth Doctor said with a frown.

　

All right, that was enough. "I'm not a home-maker." Pavarti said with a frown. "I work in the medical field."

　

The First Doctor smiled and said, "I knew it. I could tell right away by your nurturing nature that you were perfectly suited for the nursing field."

　

"I'm a _neurologist_." Pavarti snapped.

　

"Are you sure that I can't kill him?" Amelia whispered in the Twelfth Doctor's ear.

　

"I'm sure." the Twelfth Doctor whispered back.

　

"That's very modern." the First Doctor said. "I hope that your husband isn't insecure about not being the sole breadwinner in the household."

　

"For the last time, Doctor!" Jack groaned. "Amelia and Pavarti prefer tacos over sausages!"

　

"You're not making any sense!" the First Doctor scolded. "Out with it!"

　

"Oh, for _fuck's sake_!" Amelia groaned.

  
"Language!" the First Doctor scolded.

　

Amelia stormed around the table, seized Pavarti by the shoulders, and dipped her back in a dramatic, movie-style kiss. She then turned to the First Doctor and said, "Pavarti and I are married _to each other_! Our Doctor is the pregnant one and his companion/partner is the mother!"

　

All color had drained out of the First Doctor's face. After almost a full minute, he cleared his throat and said, "I think I'm going to need a drink." The looked at the Twelfth Doctor and asked, "Where do you keep the brandy? I think a sip should calm me down."

　

"Where the heck is this guy from?" Jack asked.

  
"The sixties." the Twelfth Doctor replied.

　

"Well, that explains a lot." Jack said. "I should probably hide my stilettos before he has an aneurism and a premature regeneration."

　

A few 'doses' of brandy later, the First Doctor had calmed down a bit. He then looked to the Twelfth Doctor with a frown. "Considering the fact that you engaged in _intercourse_ , you could have made smarter decisions." he scolded. "Protection is a thing, you know."

　

"Only the first one was an accident." Jack explained. "This one-"

　

"There's _another_ one?" the First Doctor groaned. "I was willing to believe that this was some sort of fluke, but knowing that you've done this once before is just... fatherhood is not the worst thing that can happen, but I still can't believe this! With your _companion_!"

　

"Oh, believe me, there was a lot of _intercoursing_ going on." Jack said with a grin as the Twelfth Doctor turned red and buries his face in his hands. The First Doctor was blushing a bit as well.

　

The First Doctor glared at the Twelfth Doctor and said, "You are absolutely incorrigable."

　

"That's not a new thing." the Twelfth Doctor said with a shrug.

　

ooooooooooooooooooo

　

When Clara came home after a shopping trip with John, she saw that her friends were there, along with an old man that felt strangely familiar but she didn't really remember meeting. "Doctor, who is this?" she asked.

　

"Clara, this is the Doctor." her Doctor explained. "Long story. Someone told him about the pregnancy."

　

The other Doctor stared at John for a moment before asking, "Is this your child? Yours and this Doctor's?"

　

"Um," Clara said awkwardly. "Yes."

　

"The conversation about Lobster Thermidor can wait until later." John said with an awkward smile. "To be continued. I'm... going to read that 51st century book about theoretical physics."

　

With that said, the time tot rushed off. "So you are the Doctor's partner, then." the First Doctor said thoughtfully. He then frowned and asked, "Why don't you do a better job keeping the TARDIS clean?"

　

" _Don't say that_!" the Twelfth Doctor snapped.

　

"Is he for real?" Clara asked the Twelfth Doctor.

　

"Unfortunately." the Twelfth Doctor grumbled.

　

"Is it technically not murder if I bash him over the head with Amelia's cricket bat?" Clara asked.

　

"I asked that same question earlier." Amelia replied. "The answer is no. It's a timey-wimey thing."

　

"I don't think that the Doctor has ever been less attractive." Jack stated with a teasing frown.

　

"I thought you said that we were like family." The Twelfth Doctor growled.

　

"Yes, well, in the Boeshane Penisnula, it's legal to marry your cousin, so..." Jack said with a grin.

　

"Do you have anything to say about that, _Doctor_?" the Twelfth Doctor asked.

　

"I'm actually as upset about this as I am about you being pregnant." the First Doctor replied. "Clearly same-sex relationships being out in the open is a bit of a more _modern_ thing, but that is not upsetting."

　

"I suspect that he might be Doctor Idiot in every incarnation." Amelia snarked.

　

"I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation." the Twelfth Doctor responded.

　

"You are very rude." the First Doctor huffed.

　

"Look who's talking?" Pavarti shot back.

　

"It must have been really bad for Pavarti to raise her voice." Clara commented.

　

"He rather obliviously said that he wanted to sample Amelia's tuna and he called Pavarti a nurse." Jack provided.

　

"Not that there's anything wrong with being a nurse." Pavarti said with an awkward smile. As a doctor, I can honestly say that I suspect that most doctors wouldn't be able to do their jobs as well without nurses."

　

"Wow." Clara replied. "Now I know why you wanted to bash his head in."

　

"Yeah, and he's probably upset because you got your Doctor pregnant out of wedlock." Amelia snarked.

　

"Of course not!" the First Doctor exclaimed, aghast. "What do you think I am, Catholic? As you can clearly tell, even I can't exactly sniff out an unplanned pregnancy like a bloodhound."

　

"He's right, you know." Amelia confirmed. "I grew up in a Catholic family and we really can smell that shit out like a bloodhound."

　

"Language, young lady!" the First Doctor scolded.

　

"Don't bother." the Twelfth Doctor said with a resigned sigh. "There's no point in trying to stop her from swearing."

　

"You're lucky that I didn't cuss you out when I caught you and Clara doing the horizontal mambo on my sofa." Amelia said with a frown.

　

"She's right." Pavarti confirmed. "It was very traumatizing."

　

"Hopefully this was _before_ your body went upside-down on you, figuratively speaking." the First Doctor commented.

　

"What, and your body is so much better?" the Twelfth Doctor snarked. When he saw the expression on Jack's face, he added, "Stop trying to picture past me naked, Jack!"

　

"My future self's life will clearly be even more hectic than my life." the First Doctor commented. "I'm heading back to the galley."

　

Once he was gone, Amelia asked the Twelfth Doctor, "Are you sure that I can't brutally bash his head in with a cricket bat?"

　

"Absolutely sure." the Twelfth Doctor replied.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

The next morning, John woke up and headed to the galley to find the First Doctor there, once again with some tea. The time tot tried to ignore his father's past self as he got out some cereal, a bowl, a spoon, and some milk. He sat down at the table, filled his bowl with cereal, and poured some milk over the cereal. As John began to eat quietly, the First Doctor spoke up. "Young man."

　

"John." John corrected. "My name is John."

　

The First Doctor scoffed. "Somehow I'm not surprised that he gave you that name. What is your full name? John Smith Junior?"

　

"John Smith Oswald, actually." John replied. "No hyphen. Smith is my middle name."

　

"I'm assuming that Oswald is your mother's surname." the First Doctor guessed.

　

"Yep." John said, looking back down at his cereal.

　

There was a moment of silence before the First Doctor spoke up. "Young man- John." He corrected himself.

　

"What?" John asked.

　

"Your life," The First Doctor paused before asking, "What is it like?"

　

"Certainly not boring." John replied. "And before you ask, it's not completely unsafe. The Doctor- well, my Doctor anyway- avoids taking us to planets that want to kill us. Well, most of the time. Ninety percent of the time. Well, more like eighty-eight percent of the time." He looked up at the First Doctor. "Well, since he got pregnant, it's more like ninety-two percent of the time."

　

The First Doctor sighed and said, "Knowing me, that's probably the best future me can manage."

　

"It probably is." John replied with a shrug. "He and Mum are happy, though. So am I." He looked up at the First Doctor and added, "If it's any consolation, future you has somehow managed to be a more than adequate dad."

　

"I see." the First Doctor noted.

　

There was then silence again as the First Doctor drank his tea and John ate his cereal.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

It was afternoon by the time the First Doctor found his TARDIS to be fully self-repaired. He decided to head back into his future self's TARDIS for a proper send-off before he had to forget everything. "I hope that you manage to keep your TARDIS clean in the future. The only clean thing was the galley and that ridiculous guitar of yours. I meant what I said about the TARDIS needing a woman's touch."

　

"Yes, well, I hope that you manage to not be an asshole to everyone you meet." Clara said with a smirk.

　

"Langua- oh, I give up!" the FIrst Doctor groaned.

　

"He won't manage." the Twelfth Doctor said morosely.

　

The First Doctor huffed. "Whatever the case may be, I wish you the best, Doctor. You and Clara and the Hernandez-Patil household."

　

"Are you going to leave or not?" the Twelfth Doctor asked brusquely.

　

"With pleasure." the First Doctor replied. He then turned to leave. Just as he was stepping out the door, he turned back to look at the others. "You take care of those children, Doctor, or I'll-"

　

"Or you'll what?" the Twelfth Doctor snorted. "Kick my arse?"

　

The First Doctor let out another indignant huff before turning to leave. Through the open door, the Twelfth Doctor and company could hear the other TARDIS dematerializing. "There he goes." Clara said.

　

"He's still not as sexy as you, Doc." Jack said with a grin. When he saw the Doctor's scowl, he aded, "Like I said, cousin-marrying is legal where I'm from."

　

"I still can't believe you used to be him." Clara said with a half-annoyed, half-amused look on her face.

　

"What can I say?" the Doctor said with a shrug. "I was young and stupid. I've grown up a bit."

　

"You're still a jackass and have an alarmingly short attention span." Amelia said.

　

"Well, at least we learned something." Clara provided.

　

"What?" the Doctor asked.

　

Clara grinned and replied, "You really need to step up your cleaning game."

　

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "I'll have Jack do it."

　

Jack groaned and said, "I don't even live here most of the time!"

　

"Don't care." the Doctor replied. "You know where the cleaning supplies are."

　

Jack huffed and said, "Asshole."

　

With a twinkle in his eye, the Doctor said, "Language, Jack."


	16. Chapter 15: Johnny Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack, Clara, and the Doctor have a very special surprise for John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! It's me again. I hope you found the last chapter to be satisfactory. You can blame my older brother for the idea and coming up with some of the lines.

_Week 42_

　

John knew that there was something his parents were keeping hidden from him. He wasn't an idiot. Still, for the life of him, he couldn't figure it out. He was a very curious boy and he wanted to know. There wasn't so much as a hint of what the secret could be, not from his parents, not from Jack, and not from his cat. Because of this, it was difficult for John to concentrate on the late 19th century romance novel that he was attempting to read. If his mum read them, they couldn't be that bad. John let out a huff and tried once again to focus on the book, but his curiosity was still overwhelming him. After a minute or so, he marked his page and set the book down on the sofa. He headed to the console room. He made sure to double-check that no one was around before accessing the TARIS' data banks. He tried to search for an answer, but the TARDIS decided to be stubborn and would not let him know. John scowled at the ship's time rotor, his expression basically Attack Eyebrows Lite. "Some help you are!" He grumbled.

　

The ship gave a sympathetic hum. John tried not to be mad at her. She probably had her reasons not to tell him. His parents, on the other hand, had yet to give even the slightest hint as to what their secret was. Suddenly, he heard a door opening and ducked behind the opposite side of the console. He heard the Doctor's familiar steps as he made his way towards the console. After activating it, the Time Lord chuckled and said, "I'm not surprised that he would try to find out from you. I know that you sometimes keep secrets from me, too."

　

The ship let out another hum and the Doctor smirked. He gave the console a pat and said, "That won't work on me, Sexy. Saucy minx."

　

John tried not to gag when he heard the Doctor borderline- _flirting_ with the TARDIS. "By the way, John," the Doctor said nonchalantly, "I know that you're there."

　

John scowled and rose up from behind the other side of the console. "How did you know?" the time tot asked.

　

"I can smell the chips on you." the Doctor replied.

　

"Damn." John huffed.

　

"Language, John." the Doctor scolded.

　

"Amelia swears all the time and you've given up scolding her!" John protested.

　

"Hernandez isn't nine years old." the Doctor replied with a disapproving frown.

　

"It's not fair!" John didn't whine.

　

"What's not fair?" the Doctor inquired.

　

"You and Mum are keeping a secret from me and I can't find out what it is!" John protested.

　

"We have our reasons." the Doctor replied. "You'll find out eventually."

　

"Mark my words, Doctor," John said, his face once again expressing Attack Eyebrows Lite, "I _will_ find out before then."

　

With that said, the time tot stormed off. Moments later, Clara walked in. She looked at the Doctor and asked, "Is he trying to figure it out?"

　

"Yep." the Doctor replied.

　

"How mad is he?" Clara asked.

　

"Very." the Doctor said. "Normally he's very mature for his age."

　

"Yeah." Clara said. "I have no idea where he gets it from."

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

John could smell the fragrant scent of vanilla wafting out from the galley. He quickly hurried in and saw Jack pouring a bowl of some sort of batter into pans before placing them in the oven. The captain looked up and said, "Please make sure that the Doctor doesn't find this before it's ready to serve."

　

"What are you making?" John asked, causing a startled Jack to jump.

　

"Nothing." Jack replied nonchalantly.

　

"It looks like you're baking something." John accused.

　

"I'm just baking some blondies." Jack replied. "You know how the Doctor gets when his cravings aren't attended to."

　

"It smells like vanilla." John said.

　

"Some blondies have vanilla in them." Jack shot back.

　

"Does this have anything to do with the secret that everyone is keeping from me?" John asked.

　

"What secret?" Jack responded.

　

"You know that you and everone else is trying to hide something from me." John accused.

　

Jack shot the boy a disarming grin and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

　

Realizing that he wasn't going to get any answers from Jack, John stormed off in a huff. The moment the time tot was out of earshot, Jack got his phone out and called the Doctor. "John came asking around." Jack said over the phone. "Don't worry. He didn't get any answers. Operation Surprise is still on schedule."

　

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

John walked into a room to see his mother working on something. When she spotted him, she quickly hid it. "What are you hiding, Mum?" John asked.

　

"Absolutely nothing." Clara replied.

　

"I saw you hide something." John accused.

　

"You don't need to know what it is." Clara said with a smile.

　

"It has something to do with the secret, doesn't it?" John said angrily.

　

"I promise, you'll find out later and I know that you'll like it." Clara said reassuringly.

　

John tried to peek around his mother, but she had hidden whatever she was working on very well. "What are you hiding from me?" John asked.

　

"Like I said, you'll find out later." Clara replied.

　

"I'll find out eventually!" John growled.

　

"I don't think so, John." Clara said with a chuckle. "Not for a while."

　

John glared at his mother and stormed off. Once he was gone, Clara got her phone out and texted the Doctor and Jack.

　

Clara: He almost spotted it. He still doesn't know about Operation Surprise, though.

　

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

　

John headed to his room and saw Simon chilling out on the bed. The time tot headed to the bed and plopped down next to his cat. He started to pet the feline and asked, "I don't suppose you know what they're keeping from me, do you?"

　

Simon glanced at John and told him that it was a peoples thing, so it was none of his business. Besides, the Doctor had bribed him with salmon not to tell John. John huffed and rolled away from Simon, much to the cat's annoyance. Knowing that his person was unlikely to give him attention, the cat left John's room to head to the galley, where he could smell interesting smells. John let out a sigh and took a book from his night stand to read. After several hours, he accidentally fell asleep.

　

A few more hours later, John was awoken by the grumbling of his empty belly. He marked the book where it had fell open on his chest and returned it to its spot on his night stand. He decided that he would head to the galley for a snack. As he made his way through the corridors, he quickly realized that the TARDIS was deliberately making it difficult for him to find the galley. It took him a full twenty minutes before he was able to locate the door. The moment he stepped in, he was greeted with several people shouting, "SURPRISE!"

　

John gaped in shock at the sight in front of him. Hung in the galley was a sign that read 'Happy 10th Birthday!' Jack was holding a vanilla layer cake, which was covered with a thick layer of vanilla buttercream. It had his name written on it along with ten candles. Surprised was an understatement about how John felt. He belatedly realized that he had forgotten that today was his birthday. "You remembered?" John questioned.

　

"Of course." Clara replied.

　

The Doctor grinned and said, "You didn't think that we were too focused on the baby to remember your birthday, did you?"

　

"Uh..." John said awkwardly.

　

Jack rolled his eyes and said, "Don't tell me that you forgot your own birthday!"

　

"Erm, yeah." John replied with a very awkward grin.

　

"Well, we didn't." The Doctor said, still grinning. "Can't forget the big one-zero."

　

"He's right." Clara said. "You don't turn ten every day."

　

"Well, at least not on Earth, anyway." the Doctor added. "On one planet, birthday parties never end and-"

　

"Anyway," Jack interrupted the Doctor. "Happy birthday, little man."

　

John couldn't help but grin. The surprise was definitely worth it. From the looks of the things that had been set up, he had the feeling that this was going to be the best 10th birthday ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that we're getting pretty far along in the story and I'm expecting there to be maybe 20 chapters. I know that after this story is finished, I will work on one of the AUs that my mother suggested. I'm still deciding which one I will write. Here are the options:
> 
> Title: The Truth Is Out There  
> Fandom: Doctor Who, X-Files  
> Story Type: AU, suspense, sci-fi  
> Rating: Undecided  
> Summary: FBI agent Clara Oswald thinks that she's going to solve a grisly series of murders committed by what is obviously a human killer. Unfortunately, things take a turn for the strange when she encounters a mysterious man who refers to himself only as the Doctor. As the clues she unearths become increaingly bizarre, she begins to consider the unthinkable: what if the murderer was not a human being at all? With the help of the Doctor, Agent Oswald will find that the truth, however strange, is out there.
> 
> Title: Finding Donor 386  
> Fandom: Doctor Who  
> Story Type: AU, Family, Friendship, romance  
> Rating: Undecided  
> Summary: Fourteen years ago, Clara Oswald married the love of her life, Daniel Pink. Unfortunately, after surviving testicular cancer at a young age, Danny was unable to father children. After much discussion, they decided to use a sperm bank. Not long afterwards, Isabel 'Izzy' Pink was born. After eleven years of happiness with his wife and daughter, Danny was tragically killed in an automobile accident. After seeing her mother spending two years of mourning her husband, completely alone, Izzy decided that her mother needed a friend. At the same time, she became curious about the man whose sperm begot her, an anonymous man known as Donor 386. The clever and intrepid Izzy tracks Donor 386 down and discovers that he is a man named Dr. Basil Foreman, a GP at the Hartnell Memorial Hospital. Izzy introduces Basil to Clara and they become fast friends. With as close as Clara and Basil have become, Izzy can't help but wonder: is there the possibility of the doctor and her mother becoming more than friends?


End file.
